They always knocked her down.
As if they were any better- which they weren't. But she got used to it. Used to the fact that they used her, knocked her down and hold her down.
And when she tried to retaliate, they always shushed her. So she began to accept it and even appreciate it.
They said this is what she wanted, otherwhise she wouldn't be like this. They said she wanted this. That she wanted it more and more. That this is what she is living for.
This was her faith.
"Ssssh." they would shush when she tried to retaliate. They would hold her down, make her splutter in the water. Watch her struggle. Hold her down underground.
Because above it is bad.
The others would ask about it, then. The others would beg. That resulted in them getting to the point of using even sneakier tactics. The others always were worried about her. Almost protective. The others would ask her about it. But she would not answer.
Because they had shushed her.
She needs to be silent. She wants to be silent. No more asking, because explaining hurts. It hurts like fucking hell fuckfuckfuckfuck
She wants silence, comforting silence. The silence that made her mind clear up. The silence that made her want to cra-
Nononononononono you can't it's impossible
Silence wasn't suited for her.
It was suited for people who didn't have big, bad voices in her head screaming for blood. It was reserves for people who didn't get shushed, like her. She would never get silence bec-
Shut up shut up shut up shut up
The others, her teammates, begged her to answer. But she couldn't because she wanted silence and silence and bloodhungerfuckthemeatthem
She needed the others, but he wanted the others and she didn't want to give the others to him because the others were innocent. They were her teammates, her comrades. Her frien-
Pain. Sharp pain stabbing her brain. Screaming at her nononononono
So she let them drown her, because then there was silence but no hunger for her comrades' blood. He would be too occupied with keeping her alive and she would be silent, praying for the moment to stay. Even if she didn't believe in god.
So she let them shush her because then she would be numb and there would be silence but he would be too occupied again.
The only bad things were the pain afterwards, depending on what the actions of them were.
From just her rear to everywhere.
And the fact the others would be worried again something- she didn't want her frien-
FuckthoselittlewhoresnonononononoNO
Another sharp stab in her head.
He hated the others. The others were too important to her, and he didn't want that. So she let them do their things with her, not wanting anymore pain. Just wanting numbness.
So when they took her, she didn't struggle, like always.
She let them hold her down. Choke her, drown her just for an escape from him and his thirst for her friends.
Silence.
She giggled. She had sold her soul, her body and partly her mind to them but now she had silence. Her goals. Finally, peace, even if it was short live-
NonononononNONo
She screamed.
They shushed her.
