Okay, so my good friend Hogwarts Apprentice dared me to write an intentionally overdramatic fan fiction that included the words 'convert', 'xenomorphic' and 'crackerjack'. So I decided to write about our good friend Kylo Renn - whom I veer wildly between wanting to mock and sympathise with. May the force be with you - you'll need it.
Kylo Renn was alone.
He sat in his sleeping quarters, gazing at the mask of a once-great Sith. The helmet was drooping and melted, the bars of the grate that were once so straight now bendy and weak, deformed beyond all recognition.
The gaping eyes holes stared at him with distrust - as if Vader, in all his greatness, had never died, staring at him with the vegenance of the Sith for eternity. It could see right through him.
Kylo couldn't take much more of this. His hands twisted in his lap, full of nervous energy and despair. He had come to the most awful, most forbidden conclusion that an apprentice of the dark side could possibly realize: he was feeling the pull of the light.
The light. To be shunned. To be locked away in a great dark box inside your heart. To swallow it up in a great wall of darkness, strong, pure darkness - and scream 'I HATE YOU!' at the master you once loved. It was xenomorphic. It would try to convert you back to morals, to ethics, to... weakness. You'd have to be a crackerjack to submit.
Kylo knew Vader's strength.
He had none of it.
He groaned and lay back on his bed. Out loud he said, "I'm a disaster."
There. The words were out. He needed to purge te light from his soul. He needed to say what he knew to be true deep within himself.
"I feel the pull of the light. It's greatness," he said, a few freezing tears falling to soak his bed sheet. "After all you've done for me!" (Kylo Renn often felt the complusive need to say these things out loud due to some ancient and powerful document called 'the script').
"It's so wrong! These feelings shouldn't exist in someone like me!" he exclaimed to the darkness of the ceiling. He felt strange inside - nobody of the Dark Side should never feel this much love or compassion. No: this would not do. It was shameful and must be exterminated.
Anger blossomed out of nowhere: comforting, familiar. Anger could control him. Like he'd been taught. Anger for his army, angst for his magic.
He got up and ditched something at the ground - who knows, who cares, what it was. "I will defeat this," he growled, but as he said it, he knew it wasn't true.
"I'm weak. I'm not like you. I can't kill him. I CAN"T DO IT!" Kylo Renn screamed. He ditched something else at a wall and drew his light sabre, igniting it's red glow and in a blaze of fury destroying the wall. But soon he stood there, pointless, with a red-hot melting wall screaming in his face. He sheatched his weapon and collapsed back on his bed: "I'm going mad. This is so embarassing'.
The Dark Side would never forgive him for who he was. His unnatural feelings.
"I can't kill him," Renn said, and sobbed like a child who had just massacred all of the jedi.
... Sometimes I really wonder about what my mind comes up with...
