I don't know what to call myself, am I a stalker? A secret admirer? Or just a creepy person? Every time I see her, I couldn't help but stare at her and I feel like I'm floating, forgetting the existence of gravity. Plans that I had formed the night before, keeps getting dismissed and aborted. Words that I had even repeatedly saying to myself in front of the mirror every morning, continuously dies in my throat. The courage I had in myself, like always, only dissolves, not letting me do anything.

When I tried to approach her, my body can't seem to function and it feels like my every muscle was frozen. It sounds crazy but when I tried to talk my friend about it, using ifs so it won't be perceptible. She told me that there wasn't anything wrong with me; I was just attracted to that person. Like normal people, I dream and have fantasies about me and her being together. Holding hands, sharing hugs and kissing each other, it makes me feel happy and my heart flutter. Though I know myself that it will never happen, because we don't have any similarities in personalities or in a game you could say, a level.

She was ninety three while I'm only thirty five. Rising popularity, ace in terms of athletics and academics and a beautiful face, juniors like me adores her. She have everything, no one dare despise her. She was also the president of the student council that made most boys and girls call her the school princess, but for me she isn't just like that. She was more, she was a queen.

All in while, I was nothing more than an average first year student. I can't reach her level; I'm not the only one striving to be with her. There are other people working hard to get her, and I don't think I can compete with them. I'm weak, physically and emotionally, there's no way I'll win.I hate losing and it came to the result that I just watch her from afar.

Awkward is one of my main traits, I can't hold a conversation with someone. I always creep them out with the weird things I say, I can't help it. I don't know what to do, I can't change, and it's just the way I am. People call me childish for still wearing pigtails as a hairstyle. With a hair long passing my knees, it made them tease me more, asking me if I know anything or have seen a scissor. But I don't care about what they say; I can do anything I want. And Gumi advised me to just ignore them because all those people only wanted attention. Gumi was my first friend when I stepped into high school, and also one of my wayso I can watch the person I admire. Gumi was in the same volleyball team as her, and I used the opportunity I had to see her. Saying to Gumi that I just want to watch will make her think things and asked me many questions. I started acting like a helper to my friend and the whole team, giving them water, towel or anything they need while playing. One of her teammates had already asked why I was always there. She just told them to let it be because I had some use anyway. I never expected myself to stoop so low. But it's okay; I can't take of it, just so I can watch her.

Day by day that she had practice, I'm with Gumi. The whole team didn't pay attention to me unless they need something. While she, never need anything or asked me to do anything. I don't know if it's just my imagination, but sometimes I can catch her gazing at me and she will instantly avoid meeting my eyes. A thought passed through my mind that she doesn't like me.

Sitting on the corner with my sketchbook and drawing pencil, I glance at her every time no one was looking and started lining. I've been doing the same thing for months, believe it or not, but I already finished a sketchbook full of her. It's not just sketching; I too, paint in my room. Not only of her while playing, and there were some while she was laughing, acting and smiling.

All these things were done discreetly. I don't want anyone to know that I draw, that's why I had a book covered beneath the sketchbook I used. I don't want anyone to know that I am an amateur artist, and Luka Megurine is my muse.


She's beautiful, just beautiful. The way she hops, step and hit, it's all so perfect. All the mistakes she make feel so right, I can't find any flaws in eyes, and it drew me in. Even if her gaze isn't directed to me, I can still feel myself drowning into it. Her hair is beautiful, moving and flipping every time she run and jump. Pink, it remind of the cherry blossoms. The beautiful sight as the leaves endlessly fall was like watching her. Sometimes, I dream of smelling her hair. Me sitting on her lap staring to her eyes while she stare at me back. Hair falling on my face and I take the chance to sniff it. Her hand caressing my ear as she smile at me. Slowly leaning in to meet my lips, strawberry chopstick I can taste. So soft and so warm, that's how I've always imagine it.

I sighed, approaching her, talking like normal people and getting her number. If only it was that easy. I'm only a coward, I'm not like those normal people, and I might just make our relationship even worse than nothing.

I couldn't talk to her and coincidentally, she was the one who first approach me.

Looking up and looking down, that's the usual movement of my head every time I draw her. Doing it hastily so I won't be obvious. Lining and sketching, I heard the sound of the ball going louder and louder, it was coming to me. I only stared at it, waiting for someone to get it themselves.

"Miku! Pass the ball!" Neru commanded and as a helper, I got up and put the sketchbook aside to comply. But before I could get a hold of the ball, another hand entered my sight. It grabbed the ball before me.

Slowly looking up, I saw pink hair and a smiling queen before me. It took a while for me to comprehend what was happening. Then I realized, she was in front of me, my goddess was giving a smile to me. I stared at her eyes, mouth slightly opening. Time seems to slow down, everything but her started to get blurry. The feeling of my heart thumping against my chest, salty river in my eyes is trying its hardest to make its way out and my body started trembling.

Her lips parting as she speaks, head tilting a bit as her smile grows. "Thank you" An angel, her voice is like an angel's. If I ever get in heaven, sound like it is what I'm expecting to welcome me.

While my own self had no idea what to do, a simple word can't even get out. I know that this could be my chance to befriend her; I summed up all of my courage and started. "I-I-I d-did-n't..." My hand clasped into a fist, my face feeling hot as the words left my mind.

Gulping, I tried once again. "I-I..." The more I look into her mesmerizing blue eyes, the drier my throat gets.I don't understand what's happening, why can't I just say what I want? I let my gaze sink into the ground, ashamed of my failures.

Suddenly my heart began to feel warm when I felt a hand on my head, patting me. My eyes shut as I was enjoying the treatment. I reached my hand to hold hers but it already went away in an instant. She smiled once more before turning away.

Leaving me, standing there as the game began. I got back to reality, feeling my heart beating rapidly. It was just a simple moment but it was perfect enough for me. A simple "thank you" made my day, two words that build a hope in me. The first words she said to me.

The same night, I couldn't sleep. Her voice circling through my mind. I've decided that I'll try talking to her the next day. Try my best with befriending her. I wrote everything that I was going to say in my sketchpad, practice all of it in front of the mirror and slapping myself once I made a mistake. I checked all of my things, uniform and shoes if they're perfectly neat. Tomorrow, I'll show her my sketchbook and maybe that can be one of my perks in being friends with her.

I don't know how much sleep I had that night.

The next day, I was at my usual place in the practice room. I've reread all of my lines and memorized them. I already made sure everything about me was perfect. There shouldn't be any tangle in my hair, my nails clean, wiped all the sweats I had in my face, no stains in my uniform and my scent smelling like roses.

Practice was over and I told Gumi that she can go first. It was just me, her and IA in the room. I waited until the blonde left and breathed in and out many times before walking towards her. Holding into my sketchbook, I doubled my speed. She noticed me and smiled before asking if I needed something,

This is it, the chance I've been waiting for has come, and there's no way I'll let it pass me by. Looking at the ground, I began. "I-I j-just..."

Her hand extended and cupped my cheeks, making me look at her. Slowly she leaned in. "Now you're looking at me", she said with a grin.

My mind immediately went completely blank, where had those words went? She was so close; I've never been close to someone like this. She was the first, I stared into her eyes. Heart hammering its way out of my chest, my hands wanting to just pull her closer. But then if I do that, she'll be completely weirded out. For now I was just cherishing her hand on my cheeks.

She didn't pull away too; she's just returning the gesture. Staring back at me as she repeatedly rubs my face with her thumb. I never wanted the moment to end. I just want the time to stop so we can remain like this. I closed my eyes, and she keeps going. I know I haven't made any progress but I feel so happy about what's happening at the moment.

I like it, I really do. My hand extending to reach for her shoulders. I hesitated at first but I reminded myself that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. When I could feel my hand already near, a voice called out.

"Luka, hurry up! Your boyfriend's waiting!"

Eh? Boyfriend? What? She had one? Then what did those actions meant? I don't understand a thing at all. My eyes widened as my lips curled downwards. She let go of me and smiled before walking away. I watched her stepped across the door as tears started tickling my cheeks. My heart endlessly clenching and I couldn't breathe. My legs feeling numb and later gave up on me. Liquid soaking my sketchpad as I continued crying. Opening every page, my heart hurts more. It feels like it's being squeeze, giving me a hard time to breathe. Maybe it was just kindness after all; she's like that to everyone. Of course, she's sweet. That's why everybody adores her.

But still, I don't understand a thing at all.

Damn hope.


I cried myself last night, sobbing and hugging my pillow. I hate everything, I hate school, I hate everyone, I hate her and I'm starting to hate myself too. Ithrew every painting of her around my room, I crumpled some pages of my sketchbook. Venting my anger, I ruined some of my paintings by splattering some pigment into it.

All of the things I've done are senseless. It's not like she'll like me back. The only one I can blame is myself. I'm just a hateable character.

Today, I pretended that I was sick so my mom will let me skip school. Even if I attended, I won't be able to concentrate. An image of her will just keep going through my mind. It bugs me, why do I even keep thinking of her.

There's no point, she have a boyfriend. I breathed out, and imagine a man and her being together. Holding hands, kissing each othe-.

Damn, it hurts. Just thinking about it makes my heart twists. If only I was him instead, I'll try my hardest to make her happy, to make her smile. Itirks me when I came to the fact there's no way it'll happen.

With these stupid things that I'm too coward to deal with. I decided to just sleep all day.

"Hey stupid Miku! Open the door!" I've been hearing Gumi knocking for ten minutes now. Not just that, I think she's also kicking my door. I was sleeping peacefully earlier then her noise woke me up. I groaned as I got up, what could she want from me right now. I amble to the door and when I unlocked it, I immediately hopped back to my bed, covering myself with a blanket.

It was already five pm and I still haven't taken a bath. I don't care if Gumi sees all my paintings of her. I'll just tell her that it was in the past and I've already decided that I'm going to move on. I can hear her walking through the mess I made last night and the sound of pages flipping. "We have homework"

Are you kidding me? She came here, knocks on my door and woke me up just to say we have homework? I don't get mad at her butthat really makes my blood boil, I hate it when I'm disturbed from my sleep. It's my only way out of this stupid world, I just to fall into an eternal slumber or maybe, just die. I didn't bother giving a reply to her as I buried my face into a pillow. "Luka wait for me here I'm going to pee" My eyes widened, when I heard her name.

She was here? Why would she be here? I began to think if there was something that she needs from me. Instantly, I pull the blanket a little so I can take a glance and then I saw on the corner of my bed, still in her school uniform that consists of a light blue long sleeves, black cardigan, red tie stripes with a blue diagonal line, grey skirt stripes with black and she was wearing a rose quartz scarf.

Flipping some pages, her eyes widened and lips slightly parting. I can't tell if she was bothered or amaze by my works, moreover, all of it was I can't have her check them out more, I don't want to be to feel more embarrassed. Her seeing my works is like an accidental confession, it'll hurt more if she rejects me right here. Knowing that she already have a boyfriend, I can already take that as a rejection, I don't want to feel more pain.

I know myself that I look horrible at the moment, but I don't care about that. I sat up and tried to snatch the sketchbook she was holding with both of my hands.I can't believe this; I'm fighting against my ex-crush. Gritting my teeth, I pull with all my might, eyes shutting. Even so, the grip was too tight and I was only being pulled closer to her. "I thought you were sick"A smirk on her face as she tugged with a lot more strength making me lose and us, falling off the bed.

Yes, I am. I'm so sick of things that keep happening to me. I fell on top of her so I didn't really feel any pain. I could feel her breast pressed against mine and that made my face heat up. I immediately got up so we won'tmake a scene so I can appease my face and just in case Gumi suddenly walked in. A can of red paint had tipped over, staining her cardigan and her the while, she was still oblivious to it as she remain rubbing the back of her head.

Straightaway, I pulled her up so it won't damage her hair worse than before. I stepped to check out her backand it was hell. The paint was all over in her hair and I had absolutely no idea how to break the news to her.

A wild greenette has appeared, "What happened!?" Gumi inquired at the time that she walked towards her.

She turned back and furrowed her eyebrows, and shouted back. "What happened?!"

Gumi rolled her eyes as she pointed to a mirror. She got the hint and stands in front to see what was going on. Her eyes widened and her mouth agape.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAA!"

To be honest, I didn't expect her to react like that. She was more of a calm and collected person at school; then again she is a girl. Her hands extended to touch her head, visibly freaking out about her situation. This girl, now she has paint on her hands too.

The sudden ringing of Gumi's cell caught both of our attention. After reading, she gave a bemuse smile to the both of us. "Sorry guys but I really have to go now. Sis called, sorry!", she waved at us before running off.

What? Of all times that Sonika would call, why now? Then that means I have to take care of her! This must be my punishment for not going to church for months now. I facepalmed, God must really hate me. Leisurely, I saunter behind her and poked her on the shoulder. It got her to glance at me and with my trembling lips, "I-I k-know h-how to r-remove the p-p-pa-paint" Of course I do, I'm an artist myself, I've already had this kind of experience far too many times before.

She turned to me and grabbed both of my shoulders, "R-r-really?" She exclaimed, her expression starting to radiate. That was a relief. I looked away and played with my bangs using one finger. I still can't look at her, because if I do, I won't be able to stop loving her. I need to bury these feelings down and completely forget everything. I nodded before removing her hands off my shoulder. "What should I do?"

Well, it's a little awkward and I think, not a normal thing to say, "Y-you s-should dr-dry your h-hair with w-warm water o-or you c-could just t-t-take a hot ba-ba-ba-bath. I h-have a bathroom h-here." Considering that were not really close, there's no way she'll accept the offer. I'm being stupid for even suggesting, I hate myself. I glanced at her and I saw her staring straight at me, biting her bottom lip.

"Can you take my clothes off? I don't want to stain my uniform more and my hands have some paint on them"My eyes widened in the size of a watermelon and mouth fell. That must mean that she'll go with taking a hot bath; nevertheless, can't she just wash her hands and undress herself? As for me who is into girls, haven't showed my naked body to anyone.

All the while, she was a popular person with many friends so there's no doubt she still isn't used to it. Were both girls, its normal...but. I looked back at her to disagree, she was pouting and tears in the corner of her eyes. The school princess is going to cry, just because her clothes and hair were stained, what a baby. Yet her appearance was cute and those pouting lips, I just can't say no. I pulled her by her arm on the way to the bathroom and prepared the water so everything could just finish quickly. I just don't want here with me anymore, I can't. It's only hurting me.

Meekly, I stepped closer and started unbuttoning her cardigan. I tried to calm my heart down, but her scent was getting its way and only made it beat faster.I untied the scarf before unbuttoning her long sleeves. Looking sideways so my eyes wouldn't be glued to her body. Through my peripheral vision, I had a sight of her black lace bra. Her large breast was sexy and I had this urge to touch truth, I also had perverse thoughts about us too, doing those adult things.

Bare bodies pressing against each other, tongue exploring another's mouth, pleasu-. I brushed the thoughts away and completely took her top off. I moved downwards and turned the zipper down then the skirt. Her black lace panties entered my sight but I immediately turned my head away.

What I've done was already enough, I think she can do the other herself. I reluctantly stood up and met her gaze, "C-can y-you do the r-rest?" Stupid Miku, of course she can, she's not disabled.

Licking her lips, she stood in front of me, blocking the way out of the room. She leaned into my ear and I could already feel her hot breathing. "Take off everything", she whispered in a breathy tone, I had this thought that she was seducing me. But I remembered that she have a boyfriend so there's just no possibility. And she was Luka Megurine, the school princess of Milu University. But as her having the role, I never had the thought she was this, daring. Still, I shouldn't jump to conclusions; she's just taking advantage of me because she knows I had feelings for her.

Endlessly, she exhaled heavy breaths to my neck. I wouldn't lie, it was turning me on. Yet, I can't allow myself to get swayed away; I'll just do it then leave. My arms made its way under her arms and with my shaking hands, I unhook her bra. I backed away thinking that my work was done. I can already see her bosom and I couldn't help but just... stare. My hands were dying to grope them but I had my wrist gripped with my other hand.I gaze up at her and it looks like she's still waiting for something. She bit a finger before saying, "I said... everything"

Heh? Does that involve the bottom part too? But it's too embarrassing, and she can just do it herself. "Can't you do it?" Just imagining it makes me feel hot.

Pouting, she pressed her palms together. "I can't. Do it for me"

Oh God. Why is it that I can't say no? And how can she just let me do it? We're not close; it must be that she's like this to everyone. My minds getting foggy about her personality. I gulped as I hold her panties and slowly pull them down. I can't believe that I'm having one of the most arousing moments in my life wearing my pajamas.

I stood up and handed her the underwear. "Can you help me with my hair?" she said, not even trying to cover her body. Everything was already exposed to me while I, am having a hard time with she won't even let me go. How can I bury these feelings down if the image of her naked body will fill my mind every night I just want everything to finish right now, I nodded.

Shyly, she sat on a chair and Iwashed her hand so she could at least do something. I feel like a babysitter with me doing everything. I massage her hand and despite the paint, I can still tell that it was smooth and delicate.

The tables had turned when she wrapped my hands with both of hers. She leaned into me, faces closed and eyes directed to each other. My gaze was filled with surprise, and hers filled with... curiosity? "Are you in love with me?"

Was madly, maybe. How can she not tell after seeing all my works? I just stared back at her eager eyes, my mouth slightly open. I don't know what to say, I would be lying if I said I'm not anymore. I pursed my lips and freed my hands to continue with her hair.

We had each part to do and my pajamas are getting wet. I knelt behind her to remove the remaining paint. I had this thought in my mind that this could be my chance in taking its scent. But even if I try, it'll only smell like paint.

There's no harm in doing so. I took a strand of hair and brought it to my nose.I was right, it smells like paint. I let go and just continue my job hastily.

"Why are you such in a hurry? Got any dates or something?" She asked sarcastically but at the same time filled with inquisitiveness.

I breathed out, like I'll even have one, "N-no". I know it's none of my business but curiosity killed the cat. This will hurt but I just really want to know. "D-do you h-have one..." I clutched my heart, just saying the word irks me. "With y-your b-b-bo-boyfriend?"

She turned back at me and smiled, "I don't have a boyfriend"

Eh? Really? Then what IA said wasn't true? I felt relieved somehow. Maybe, just maybe I have a chance. Because right now, with her in front of me. I feel like I won a jackpot prize, no, better than that. I pursed my lips to stop it from curling upwards. I changed my mind; I don't want this to end.

Now I regret ruining my drawings of her. I sighed; it'll take days to redraw those. She cupped my cheeks and pulled me down, our lips only inches apart. "I'll repeat my question, are you in love with me?"

I'm madly, I can confess right now. This is the moment I'm waiting for; I can say my feelings right now. Taking deep inhalation, I began. "I-I-I H-h-ha-hatsu-sune M-mi..." I feel hot, why is that. It hurts, it's burning my knees. I don't know if it's because I'm confessing or there was something flaming.

"Miku? Are you okay?"

Her worried look melts my heart. She said my name, what a good feeling. I failed suppressing my smile, but my knees really really hurt right now. I looked down to check what was causing the hotness. My eyes widened when I noticed the hot water, like extremely hot water, flowing on the floor.

"Holy leeks!" I immediately got up to stop the faucet, but I accidentally trip and my head hit the tub. I started to feel dizzy and everything was starting to get blurry. I glanced back to Luka who was calling my name as she comes to me.

God must really hate me.


Steadily, I opened my eyes and met the ceiling of my room. I was not in my pajamas anymore and there was an ice bag in my head What happened? All I remember was being in the bathroom with her. After I mention her, I immediately sat up and looked around my room.

"What's with the rush?" I see her, sitting beside me as she smiles. She was already in our school uniform except she wasn't wearing a cardigan and a scarf. Her hair was tied in a ponytail like when she's playing.

"I-I-I just t-t-thought y-you a-al-already left" I answered, rubbing the nape of my neck. It's kind of a good thing that the last time I see her today isn't in a bathroom and with her naked body. But I've been thinking, why did she come here from the first place?

"I was" She leaned in to me and kissed my forehead. "But I can't leave without saying goodbye" She moved down looked me in the eyes, I could already feel her breathing against my lips. It was warm and relaxing. Her hand reached up to hold mine before giving it a gentle squeeze, "Get well". She beamed before turning back.

Watching her walking towards the exit, I feel incomplete. I kept wondering what would happen to us after this, I don't know if we're already friends or she'll just act like nothing happen between us. I still can't let her leave just like that, I don't want to, "W-w-wait!" Glancing back, she raised an eyebrow. I stood up and made my way to my closet, I can feel the pain in my knees but I didn't care.

I pull out a scarf and walked towards her. I bite my bottom lip before tying the scarf on her neck, "I d-don't w-want y-y-you t-to c-c-catch a c-co-co-cold".

"I really appreciate it but, I have a service you know" she chuckled, covering her mouth with her hand.

Eh? My face heated up in embarrassment, I can't be smooth at all! Instantly, I untied the scarf but before I could remove it, her hand stopped me. "It's okay, I like it anyway", she pressed her lips against my cheek. "And your drawings, I love them all" Fluttering her eyelashes before smiling, she turned away and stepped across the door.

I don't understand. I just don't want to let her go. There's something I still have to say. "L-l-lu-luka", I finally called her by her name and it made her turned to me. I don't know how many times I've already been interrupted by my bad luck, but this time, I won't let anything stop me. I'm going to say it loud and clear. "I like you! I love you!" I don't care if my mother heard me; the more important thing is that I already said it. Her lips curled upwards and that made me slammed the door. Was she making fun of my feelings?

I plonked myself on my bed and hugged a pillow, "I finally did it"


The following day, I was on my way to the practice. Gumi skipped school with the reason that I don't know. She didn't text or call about it and I just had the conclusion that she was either sick or just too lazy. As for me, my knees still hurt, but I can still manage to walk. I want to see her, I want to see Luka.

Entering the room, her first glimpse was what I first saw. They haven't started yet and were just warming up and the other stretching. While her and IA was just doing some hitting and passing. I sat on my usual place, hugging my sketchbook. I redraw everything I can last night, though I still had some problems with the paintings, it'll take months to repaint those. She said she love my works, so maybe it wouldn't be bad if I show her some more.

With those crumpled one she encountered yesterday, I had this idea that she thinks I hate her. But those are just thoughts now because I already confessed to her. She noticed me staring at her and she smiled at me. It was great news that she wasn't disgusted by me, or was that it? The other part of me thinks that she just pities me. But I don't believe that, I'm not expecting anything in return. Telling her about my feelings is enough; I can just watch her from afar like I always do.

I still don't know her answer, if she likes me back or not. Because with the actions she did yesterday, it was unpredictable. Girls normally kiss and take a bath together, though we didn't really do that one yesterday because of the accident. But still, I'm left wondering why she came to my house yesterday.

Two games started and here I was, sitting as I watch my goddess. Then I felt that I had to use the rest room. I put my things aside and stood up.

On the way, I was still staring at her. I heard someone calling my name but I just ignore it considering that I was so lost.

"Miku!"

When I glance back, I felt my knees hit by the ball and yes, it hurts. I lost my balance and my face met the ground. Not only that, another ball had hit my head, I think the person had send it really really hard.

Oh God, I swear I'll go to church this week.

The last thing I saw was a person with pink hair before everything went black.

I groaned as I wake up. An unfamiliar wall and ceiling had welcomed me. To get myself being hit like that, I really need to pay attention to my surroundings. I slide my hands to my face; I was embarrassed in front of her. "Ugh, I hate myself"

"You should love yourself more, like I do" I heard a voice from beside me, when I turned my head, I saw her. She was flipping some pages from my sketchbook. Moreover, did she just confess to me?

This is a joke, this must be one. I pursed my lips before saying, "B-b-but y-y-you don't e-e-even know m-m-m-me"

She furrowed her eyebrows, "Are you not accepting my confession?" I didn't do anything and just stared at her with widened eyes. How can she love me, we weren't friends. Unlike me who had asked too many questions about her to Gumi, she knows nothing like my favourite food, colour and other information. She told me to scoot over and she lie down next to me. "I know so much things about you, Hatsune Miku, sixteen years old. Favourite colour is blue and leeks are your favourite food. I'm not dumb so I can tell that you've been crushing on me for months now. All my teammates can tell and we had already seen your sketchbook many times"

My mouth fell; I thought I was making a good job in hiding it. I can't believe it, why didn't they tell me anything? But her feelings, I still don't get it. "I d-d-don't think I c-c-can understand y-yo-your fee-" I was cut off when she pressed her lips against mine for a kiss. I'm in heaven, my crush is kissing me. She's kissing me! I don't know what to do; I have never kissed anyone before. Her lips started moving while mine was still frozen. How do I do it? My eyes were opened unlike her who was shut closed.

I had this courage in me that I'll try my best to kiss back, but before I could, the sweet went away.

"It's a long story"


Reviews and criticism are appreciated. English isn't my first language