DISCLAIMER I am not in anyway affiliated with Stephenie Meyer. She didn't say any of these things, and Edward really is a character; not an actor.
Edward Cullen: Hello my name is Edward Cullen. Today, I am going to be talking to the woman who created the Twilight Saga-you know, the books about me!! Please welcome, Stephenie Meyer!
(studio audience screams)
EC: Good morning, Stephenie.
Stephenie Meyer: Hello, Edward. How's Nessie?
EC: -frowns- About that…
SM: Oh no, you're not upset about that like all of the fan girls, are you?
(a voice shouts out: "Say yes, Edward!")
(another voice cries out: "SHH!!")
EC: -pinches the bridge of his nose- You would know.
SM: -nervous laugh- Oh yeah. Well, I decided that you're not.
EC: -jerks head up- What?! Stephenie!! You act like you can control what I do and say or something!
SM: Well, I kind of can, Edward.
EC: -shakes head angrily- I think not.
SM: Whatever you say, Ed. Now, can we get back on topic?
EC: -glares at SM- Sure. As I was saying….-frowns, scanning papers in his hand- Ah yes. -pouts a little- Why did you make Bella have a daughter?
SM: Because it was a great way to bring a sense of family into yours and Bella's lives.
EC: Well, -scoffs- you could have at least let me use protection.
SM: Renesmee wouldn't have been born then.
EC: -rips papers into shreds- EXACTLY!!
SM: Do you not love your daughter?
EC: -sighs and turns to audience- Ok, do you all want to know how books really work?
(crowd screams "YES!!")
EC: -nods- Alright. Here's the basic idea-
SM: Edward!! Don't tell them!
EC: -sticks tongue out at SM- I am anyway!! -shakes head- The characters in books are pretty much actors following a script written by the author. We're supposed to do what authors tell us to. So, you see, I don't really love Bella. In fact,
-blushes- I'm dating a Russian book character named Anya!!
SM: -lets head fall into hands-
EC: And, Renesmee isn't my daughter!! She's kind of like a childhood star…like Mary Kate Olson!!
(crowd is silent)
EC: -laughs- Now that's what I call reading in between the lines!! -laughs at his own joke-
SM: -looks at the crowd of girls in the audience-
(One girl stands up and yells: "Let's all go kill Anya!!")
(Security knocks her out with a tazor)
(the rest of the girls burst into sobs, blubbering about how Edward is a liar)
EC: -laughs shakily and grins at SM- Whoops?
SM: -glares angrily at EC- Beyond.
EC: -darts out of studio-
SM: -makes EC trip-
EC: -scrambles to feet-
SM: -puts Jane right in front of EC-
EC: OUCH!! MAKE IT STOP!!
(fan girls sob)
SM: -grins devilishly and has Jane bring EC back- Ha!! I win, Edward!!
EC: -unconscious-
SM: -waits for EC to wake up; when he doesn't, she blushes- Whoops.
(fan girls sob louder)
A/N: Okay, I was extremely bored, and I'm in between fanfics. I had to post something, though. I thought this was kind of funny, but idk. I just went out on a limb here. Enjoy if you can!! LOL
