DISCLAIMER I am not in anyway affiliated with Stephenie Meyer. She didn't say any of these things, and Edward really is a character; not an actor.

Edward Cullen: Hello my name is Edward Cullen. Today, I am going to be talking to the woman who created the Twilight Saga-you know, the books about me!! Please welcome, Stephenie Meyer!

(studio audience screams)

EC: Good morning, Stephenie.

Stephenie Meyer: Hello, Edward. How's Nessie?

EC: -frowns- About that…

SM: Oh no, you're not upset about that like all of the fan girls, are you?

(a voice shouts out: "Say yes, Edward!")

(another voice cries out: "SHH!!")

EC: -pinches the bridge of his nose- You would know.

SM: -nervous laugh- Oh yeah. Well, I decided that you're not.

EC: -jerks head up- What?! Stephenie!! You act like you can control what I do and say or something!

SM: Well, I kind of can, Edward.

EC: -shakes head angrily- I think not.

SM: Whatever you say, Ed. Now, can we get back on topic?

EC: -glares at SM- Sure. As I was saying….-frowns, scanning papers in his hand- Ah yes. -pouts a little- Why did you make Bella have a daughter?

SM: Because it was a great way to bring a sense of family into yours and Bella's lives.

EC: Well, -scoffs- you could have at least let me use protection.

SM: Renesmee wouldn't have been born then.

EC: -rips papers into shreds- EXACTLY!!

SM: Do you not love your daughter?

EC: -sighs and turns to audience- Ok, do you all want to know how books really work?

(crowd screams "YES!!")

EC: -nods- Alright. Here's the basic idea-

SM: Edward!! Don't tell them!

EC: -sticks tongue out at SM- I am anyway!! -shakes head- The characters in books are pretty much actors following a script written by the author. We're supposed to do what authors tell us to. So, you see, I don't really love Bella. In fact,

-blushes- I'm dating a Russian book character named Anya!!

SM: -lets head fall into hands-

EC: And, Renesmee isn't my daughter!! She's kind of like a childhood star…like Mary Kate Olson!!

(crowd is silent)

EC: -laughs- Now that's what I call reading in between the lines!! -laughs at his own joke-

SM: -looks at the crowd of girls in the audience-

(One girl stands up and yells: "Let's all go kill Anya!!")

(Security knocks her out with a tazor)

(the rest of the girls burst into sobs, blubbering about how Edward is a liar)

EC: -laughs shakily and grins at SM- Whoops?

SM: -glares angrily at EC- Beyond.

EC: -darts out of studio-

SM: -makes EC trip-

EC: -scrambles to feet-

SM: -puts Jane right in front of EC-

EC: OUCH!! MAKE IT STOP!!

(fan girls sob)

SM: -grins devilishly and has Jane bring EC back- Ha!! I win, Edward!!

EC: -unconscious-

SM: -waits for EC to wake up; when he doesn't, she blushes- Whoops.

(fan girls sob louder)

A/N: Okay, I was extremely bored, and I'm in between fanfics. I had to post something, though. I thought this was kind of funny, but idk. I just went out on a limb here. Enjoy if you can!! LOL