"Thank you for taking the time to talk about my feelings, Spunky. How do I feel? Well, perhaps this little puppet play I've written will explain." Rocko explained, thinking about how the newspaper headlines said that his love interest Melba had gotten arrested just for stealing a small mustard packet from a restaurant.
"I am Melba Toast." he began, waving a piece of toast behind the prongs of two forks that he had stuck into the table. "Woe is me, for I am wrongfully imprisoned." he continued.
"I am Rocko." he casually stated, using a portable cup of lemonade to represent himself. "Sad and unhappy am I without a girlfriend. BOO HOO! BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO!" he cried, blowing tons of snot into his handkerchief and smearing it all over the table.
"Emptiness wells up in my tortured soul." Rocko continued, flipping the cap on his lemonade open. "I'm going to- GOING TO- AHH!" And with that, Rocko poured his last cup of bright yellow lemonade all over the table.
"I am Heffer," Rocko continued, using a squeeze bottle of chocolate syrup to represent him, "and I also am indeed BLEAUGH!" And with that, Rocko squirted a buttload of chocolate syrup all over the table.
Rocko was starting to go insane. "I'm just the vegemite, but I'm gonna barf too, and the MARMITE, MARMY BARF, MARMY BARF!" he yelled maniacally and spastically, dumping both of his favorite Australian condiments all over the table.
"BEHOLD the GOOEY SLOP of our SORROW!" Rocko theatrically boasted, soaking his hands with the mixture and smearing it all over his face. "It's...slobber...vegebarf!"
"THE TWILIGHT OF THE CONDIMENTS!" Rocko screamed to the heavens, dramatically lifting his palms straight up toward the sky and throwing his head back for extra effect.
"WEEP FOR THEM! WEEP FOR THEIR SORROW-HO-HO-HOHH!" he melodramatically wailed, dunking his entire face into the putrid cesspool scum on the table and causing it to splash everywhere.
"Yes, Spunky!" Rocko agreed, nodding his head and examining his filthy hands. "My delicate little mind has certainly gone horribly off the rocker! I think I've got more than a few screws loose, for that matter! I'd better go take a shower!"
While his master was in the shower, Spunky ate every last bit of the nauseating slop off of the table and even licked it off of the floor.
When Rocko finished his shower and came back into the dining room, everything was more or less squeaky clean.
"Wow, Spunky, I'm impressed! You DO have the ability to eat literally anything." Rocko said with surprise, patting Spunky on the noggin. "Now let's go bail poor old Melba out of jail, shall we?" He lifted Spunky up and Spunky licked his master's face adorably, but then Spunky burped. The toxic smell of Spunky's breath after eating Rocko's vegemite slime caused Rocko to pass out and faint onto the floor.
When Rocko woke up, he found himself locked inside some kind of box. Desperate to get out, he pounded on the walls. "GET ME THE HECK OUT OF HERE! SOMEBODY! PLEASE!"
The large group of townspeople carrying Rocko's coffin to the graveyard realized that there was something shaking in there. They threw it down Slope Road and ran away screaming.
"Now I know how my laundry feels..." Rocko thought miserably to himself as the coffin rolled, crashed and tumbled down the sloped road. "OW! OUCH! OW! OH! EEP! OW! OW! OW!"
TWELVE SECONDS LATER...
Rocko was dizzy from being knocked around inside the coffin, and there were stars spinning around his head. He suddenly heard high-heeled footsteps approaching and wondered who it was. He recognized her voice as Melba's and he could hear her talking to someone, presumably a boyfriend who had just recently bailed her out of prison.
"Hmm...how do you suppose that got there?" Melba wondered.
"Who knows? People are crazy these days. Always going on silly modern-day witch hunts!" Melba's boyfriend joked as both of them laughed.
Oddly enough, the boyfriend's voice sounded EXACTLY like Rocko's voice! Rocko didn't know what to think about this. Was this man supposed to be some kind of doppleganger? Or was he-
"Wait a minute- OH MY GOD! IT'S ME!" Rocko suddenly realized, panicking. "Now I remember. When I forcibly became a test subject for the experimental labs a few weeks ago, they decided to make a clone of me! Melba's dating my CLONE!"
"MELLLBAAA!" Rocko screamed at the top of his lungs, shaking the coffin wildly in a fit of jealousy and rage. Kicking the lid forcefully with his kangaroo legs, Rocko finally bust out of the coffin and ran in Melba's general direction, which led straight into the road, where he got run over by a passing steamroller.
"I am definitely going to feel this in the morning." Rocko groaned, using his arms to scrape himself up off the concrete like a piece of used bubble gum. "Oh no, I'm LATE! I HAVE TO GET TO THE RESTAURANT WHERE MELBA IS DATING!"
Rocko ran down the sidewalk as fast as possible. As he ran, a few airplanes and buses crashed behind him. He realized he was being chased by an angry mob!
"DOPPELGANGER! ZOMBIE! GET HIM!" they all yelled.
Rocko ran even faster, dodging through alleyways like Pac-Man avoiding ghosts in a maze, and eventually he reached the entrance to the restaurant, which was known as Fettuccine Linguine Martini Bikini.
"Stop right there!" the Chameleon Brothers commanded him. "All of the exclusive reservations have already been taken! Although you are looking rather fabulous today..."
Just then, the mob caught Rocko and almost tried to kill him, but his sheer adorable cuteness rendered them unable to do so. They dropped their torches and pitchforks, got down on their knees and apologetically started bawling their eyes out.
Just as the members of the formerly angry mob regained their composure, Melba and Rocko 2 walked out onto the restaurant's fenced-in outdoor area; the bars of the fence were very thin and elegant indeed.
"MELBA!" Rocko yelled; alas, Rocko 2 and Melba were both far too engrossed in their conversation about underwear to even hear him.
A few seconds later, the cameraman appeared and got ready to take a photo.
Rocko's jaw dropped as he clutched the bars, gazing hopelessly at the beautiful experience that HE could've been having with Melba if he hadn't been cloned by those doofuses at the science lab.
Rocko 2 and Melba were holding a knotted string of spaghetti between their mouths just like the legendary ending to Fox & The Hound, and the audience was "ooh"ing and "ahh"ing, overjoyed at the amazing sight.
And every single nitpicking detail of those last two paragraphs was captured flawlessly in the expert photographer's photograph, leaving Rocko cold, alone and hungry.
THE END?!
