A/N: This is mainly based off of a RP I'm in on LiveJournal. If you can guess, I play Gaara.
Warnings: Angst, blood, stuff that makes your heart wrench.
Disclaimer: I don't own.
……………………….
(Monster)
BAKAMONO
He hated not saying goodbye.
It brought a sickening, twisting, churning feeling in his stomach, confusing his insides, driving them into chaotic beauty.
Many times he had lost his innocence to the absolute horrid Sin, named Guilt.
Why wasn't that a Sin? To him, it was. Every time It visited (Its visits came too much too often) he felt himself fall a little further, whither away some more. It ate away at his sanity and gnawed on whatever human was left inside that he had forgotten about (During al that blood, and death, and, and…)
PainWhen It came and de-purified him, stole his already gone innocence (When did it say
Goodbye)
Guilt was, unofficially, a deadly Sin. It comes on a whim, never wavering, turning into an un-satisfying obsession. With guilt as a Sin, no man could proclaim themselves Sinless, 'tis is being impossible.
So now he sits (Stand, but he won't remember because that's just how bad his memory has gotten), staring at the elder version of himself. Only purer, more human- (Less Damned? Dear child, you are the most Damned of all!), more real.
He is bleeding, he notes, eyes gazing over to the stained bandages (Its beautiful, isn't it?).
Deep down, a Sin (Oh, what WAS its name?) burns away at him (Or what's left)
'How can I confirm my Humanity when I cannot confirm I even live (bleed)?'
'What runs through my veins, under razor-thin skin, when I cannot see it?'
(Seeing is believing, after all)
In a desperate act of recklessness, he bites (Just to confirm I'm even here that I'm not
Fake)
down on his lip, but is stopped, despite his frail protests. Swallowing a lump, he feels hot, burning tears sit on the edge of his vision, but through every ounce of his remaining will, do they not fall. Leaning over (When did he stand?), hands pressing into the soft pillow, he lowers his head placing a so very delicate (trembling…he's trembling…) kiss on top of a bandaged forehead. His cheeks are stained and his eyes watch the droplets crawl down his perfectly tanned cheeks, dotting the white (dry) cloth.
But he's not crying (he tells himself)
"Even the Damned can be forgiven…Right, Kankuro?"
He winces at the rasp his voice makes.
"Can you and Temari forgive this Damned that killed your baby brother?"
Because their baby brother died the moment he (A monster) selfishly scrambled inside, desperate to live, but greedy enough to take the life of a child (oh, god, oh, god…) that never even
Breathed.
Oh, the woe he must've caused them, having to find that the brother they wanted was killed and replaced by a Damned! Living under the boy's skin, in attempt to look
(Human)
Normal.
He hates himself for killing a child, so in a hopeful act of redemption, piles the weight of the world onto his back, only resting (for just a minute) when the moon is hidden and all the doors are shut. In the dark no one sees the tears.
Nonsense.
Monsters don't, can't cry. They are simply not human.
So, the little boy he killed long ago cries for him, making him feel human. Sobs wracking his small figure, he sits back down in the now-cold chair, tears leaking through the cracks of his fingers.
The door is closed and the moon is gone. For once in so long,
he is human.
