It never stopped. Always, constant noise; constant pain. Then he showed up. It stopped. Only one noise now. John. My John. And when he wasn't there, it came back. The noise, the pressure, the pain. But he came back, and it left. Just John then. John saved me. Saved me from myself. Made me keep living; productively too.

The drugs never worked. They only numbed my body. My mind never stopped. I see everything, and I hate it. But John works. And John doesn't hate it. John thinks I'm brilliant. I still see with John; I even see better. He's good for me.

John is always here, always with me. He helps with cases. He says I'm good at solving things. He says I need friends. All I need is John. John calls me brilliant, and amazing. He's clever, and he's extraordinary. I like John; I /need/ John. That's the word, the noise. John. Always John. Stay close, John.

John isn't here anymore. He works. He's still here, but not as much. John doesn't help with cases anymore. They've become more difficult. I hate the noise. I don't know how to make it stop. John, come back. John...

I know how to stop the noise. John left. He still lives in the flat, but he's never home. John sleeps and eats there, but thats it. He smells like women and sweat when he comes home. Sometimes he doesn't even come home. John isn't mine anymore. He won't stop the noise. I know how to stop the noise. John will live.

I've done it. The noise is gone. The pain is gone. But John is still left. He cried. I didn't want John to be upset. John is special. My John, the one who stopped the noise. He thinks this is his fault. It's not. It's because of the noise. It's gone now. Only John. John is sad now, and that's not ok. Mycroft is sad too, but that doesn't bother me. Only John matters. I'll watch over him; protect him.

John.

-SH