Brother, Forgive Me
By 7sTar
Author's notes: I just can't prevent my thoughts from into their inner worlds.
Category: Angst
Rating: K
Summary: Sam's inner thought about his brother. Post "Asylum", but you shoose the time and set.
Disclaimer: Don't own Supernatural or Sam and Dean, I write this just for fun. Please don't sue me.
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Brother, brother, brother.
I kept murmuring that word as if it meant something. Of course, it meant something to me. But I kept repeating that word in a way which betrayed that it meant something to me. The simple word sounds full of emotion, warmth and love. I never thought I was born without a brother. I never thought if I wanted you or not. You were already there, as my brother. That word means too much to me.
Brother, my real brother, my only brother.
The first and elder boy in our family. You were around long enough to enjoy mom's embrace and kisses. You were the one carried me out of the fire. You were the one got more cookies from dad as well. And you were the one accepted your life as a demon-hunter with no turning back as that should have been your fate.
Brother, brother, my only real brother.
When the Woman in White started to reach her hands into my chest you came; When the Wendigo closed in on me you came; When Bloody Mary appeared to cause my eyes bleeding you came; and when the unseen force threw me around then held me immobile in our old house you came again. Then when you taunted me into shooting, I saw your short brown hair against the dusty floor, your deep breath against your chest, your pained voice in my ear, your heart beat with my own. There is always room for you in my heart. There had been and there will be.
Brother, my brother, I don't want to fight any more.
You would do anything for me, I know that. You would die for me, I know that. Kill all the devils you meet, give everything that I would ask for you. I am sure of it. Desperate, pitiful, and utterly pathetic were not your themes. You're the one strong enough to defend me.
Brother, my elder brother, my dear brother.
We have the same shaggy, brown and ever so soft hair, the same greenlish bright and piercing eyes that we inherited from our parents. When you frowned I saw the desperate on your face was just the slightest act of kindness. When you smiled the weak beginning of a smirk on your lips showed that you were faithful in your mind.
Brother. I love you. You don't have to say a word. Just. Just be my brother.
Sometimes in my dreams, the old time reappeared. The old time when we were kids. You whispered, ever so softly, as you wrapped your arms around my neck to kiss me night. You wished to get closer to me when our hearts beat against each other. I remained silent all the time. For that I did owe you something.
Brother, please forgive me for all that I have done.
I did not mean to hurt you. I was just a scared freak who didn't know how to express the feelings of sibling and family. So you said, you just couldn't understand why I hated you so much. You must be the only one who was so blind that you could not see how much I cared about you from the bottom of my heart.
Brother, dear brother. I'm sorry brother.
What are you then? My personal babysitter? My mighty protector? My constant partner? My loyal friend? You looked at me with those eyes, persuading me to come with you, to stay by your side. You are nothing more than an abandoned and lonely child on the inside, searching for a heart to understand you.
Brother, please, I did not mean to offend.
Please don't ask if I hate you any longer. Don't use that word again, as if it means something. You seemed to forget that you are the only real brother of mine. The moment you wandered into my life I was forever doomed to a life with you by my side.
Brother, my real brother, forgive me.
Dean, my brother, please forgive me.
