We own nothing it's all S Meyer. co written with RogueSyrene.
I glance the clock on the bedside table. Two in the fucking morning, finally the sound of his snores grace my ears. I can finally leave this room without worrying him or more importantly waking him. I squirm out of his unwanted embrace and slip out of the bedroom, peeling off my sweatshirt and pants. I get so hot at night but it's better than having his hands all over my body, skin to skin contact is not something I can take anymore. I turn on my laptop and fumble with the dials on the radio turning it to my favorite station and start to write. I'm soon lost in my stories of true loves, soul mates, and happily ever afters. Those are the stories that I long to be in not to write about, unfortunately I have known for years that my story is already written and the ending isn't happy or sad it's just there and unavoidable.
I wish I could say that I had some sad story as to why my life is the way it is but I don't. Simply put I'm a coward, scared of disappointing and hurting the people in my life. What make it worse is that the more I live my life for those people the more I hate them for it. I feel like there is no one in the world that I can turn, I've never been good with people the only real friend I ever had is Jake., and I can't even call him that anymore. The problem with Jake is that I think I hate him more with each day that passes. I never had much support from my family I was always the parent never the child. My mother is a flake and is busy living her life far away from me. My father Charlie can't see past his own nose to know how unhappy I am he just sees what he wants. They are all I have left which only makes me more pathetic and alone.
I often wonder how I let things get so complicated with Jake. I don't love him. I never did, and I never will. He was my best friend and now I really think that I might hate him for forcing himself upon my life. It started off innocent enough. He kissed me, I didn't kiss him back and I thought that should have been enough to stop whatever he wanted between us but it wasn't. That day haunts me all the time as I often think back to what I could have done differently, what I could have said to stop this all before it started.
Jake and I where enjoying the first bonfire of the spring down at first beach on the La Push res. Jake was acting strange all night I had a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach that I wasn't going to like what was about to happen. My suspicions were confirmed when Jake requested that we take a walk down the beach to talk in private. Jake was nervously glancing over his shoulder to make sure that we were far enough out of sight of the rest of the group. Once he determined that we had gone far enough he grabbed my arm to stop me. Before I knew what was happening he kissed me hard, shoving his grubby tongue down my throat.
"Jake don't" I pleaded while bringing my sleeve up to wipe his slobber off my face.
"Why not Bells? That was great kiss I know you felt it too." He was smiling so big I hated to break his heart.
"No it wasn't I don't feel like that about you Jake. You. Are. A. Friend. That's it. Please don't make this harder than it has to be"
"NO!" He cried. "Bella when you are going to realize that you love me."
I felt his lips crush against mine again, his hot breath in my mouth I tried to pull away but he is stronger than me. I went limp in his arms when he finally pulls away he looks me deep in the eyes.
"See Bella, I told you we are meant to be together" He said with conviction.
He was still staring at me with his dark eyes with my finally bust of courage I looked him straight in eyes and told him.
"No Jake we aren't I don't love you"
He smirked at me and replied while patting me on the head like a little lost puppy.
"Yes you do and you'll see we will be together."
The next night at supper Charlie was eyeing me suspiciously and kept asking me if there was something I wanted to talk to him about.
"So Bells, how was the bonfire last night? Anything happen of interest?" he was grinning at me over his plate of steak and potatoes.
"Ummm. No.. not really just a bonfire. The was fire? and uh wood?"
"That not what I heard down at the station today." Charlie said smiling bigger then I had ever seen before.
"Ummm... What did you hear?" I asked nervously suddenly not feeling much like eating.
"Bells if you want to date Jake there is no reason to be nervous I love that kid like a son I couldn't be happier about the two of you. Your finally together there is no reason to hide that from your old man."
I tried to tell him I wasn't dating Jake and that I never would. I didn't think of Jake in that way but he just kept saying "Oh Bella give the Kid a chance he's crazy about you." After a month or two of Billy and Charlie's impromptu set ups and Jake's endless phone calls and attempts at "wooing" me I gave in and agreed to date Jake. Dating Jake seemed to make sense at first, I might not love him but I was comfortable around him and it would only be for a few months until I left for college. This meant a lot to Charlie too, he was always so worried about me and was happy I would have Jake around to look out for me. So I figured what could a few months of dating hurt? I was wrong. Those few months of dating would change my life forever.
Five years later and I'm still stuck in a relationship with Jake that I really never wanted to be a part of. When I left for college I told Jake long distance was just too hard to do and tired my best to brake it off. That summer was hard for me, Jake was constantly telling me that it could work he would move anywhere just to be with me. My reprieve came in the fall after I moved and the phone call started to drop off. I had hoped that he was finally getting the picture and getting over me. I felt so free no longer a slave to what other people wanted, finally able to move on with my life and just be Bella. Until about 4 month after the school year started. I came home to find Jake sitting on the steps to my apartment building suit case in hand.
"Jake what are you doing here?"
"Bella I can't take being away from you anymore, I was able to take some extra classes to graduate early so here I am. I know we haven't talked much lately but I have been busting my ass to finish school so we can finally start our life together. You know what they say absence make the heart grow fonder and Bella I realized that I love you so much I don't know what would happen to me without you."
He looked at me with those big dopey eyes of his so full of love I didn't know what else to do so I hugged him and invited him in.
I should have told him right then and there that I didn't love him and I wanted him to go but I couldn't break his heart like that so I just smiled. Four years later he's still here and I'm still just smiling, I have tried to get it across to him many times that I don't love him without actually saying it and breaking his heart but he just doesn't get the hint. I sometimes wonder if he thinks this is how all relationships are I hope not. I don't kiss him unless he kisses me first and even then I don't kiss back. He tells me he loves me I just smile and say nothing. I insist that we have separate rooms but he always ends up crawling in to bed with me. I won't have sex with him no matter what he says or does, I told him I'm saving my self for marriage, yet I make it clear that I'm not ready for a proposal. You would think that all these thing would give him a hint or paint a clear picture of how I feel but they don't. Not to him. However as much as I hate him now I still can't break his or Charlie's heart. I am a coward doomed my mistakes I've made silenced by the fear of correcting them.
A/N
This is our first story I hope you all like it lets us know what you think. This was written on a Slurpee/Brownie high. Enjoy!
