Artemis Fowl: On Call

Chp. 1: Arty On Call

Disclaimer: Nope. I don't own Artemis Fowl...Eoin Colfer does. I do own Salt, Pepper, Sugar, and Mrs. Peters. Hey Eoin, wanna trade?

"Arty, Arty where are you?"

Artemis sighed and slowly descended down the spiraling staircase. "Here mother!" he called back and grimaced as Angeline Fowl ran up and pulled him into a tight hug. Finally his mother stepped back, but still kept hold of his hands.

"Why are your hands so cold?" she asked, squeezing his fingers in a vain attempt to warm them. Artemis resisted the urge to snatch them away.

"Simply shifting through the icebox," he lied as Angeline raised an inquiring eyebrow. Artemis took the opportunity to pull his fingers away and stuff them into the pockets of his Armani.

Angeline sighed, turned, and beckoned for her son to follow. "I was so hoping you could do me a favor," she asked easily as they walked down a softly-lit hall. "As you know, Mrs. Peters and I are going out for a little while. We're going to have brunch at the Le Margarett Tea Shop."

Artemis nodded, his mind not at all on where his mother would be filling her stomach.

"And since Mrs. Peter's has three small children, she needs a babysitter." Angeline paused and turned around, biting her lower lip. "I volunteered you Arty dear."

Artemis stiffened. "You did what?"

Angeline shifted her weight and crossed her arms. "Oh Artemis, it's only for a day. Besides, you're thirteen, very capable of being a…"

"I am not a babysitter," Artemis snapped, sharp blue eyes flashing. "I resent small children, and the notion of me even attempting to change a child sends a mental image to my mind which I'm sure will never fade."

"Arty," Angeline gasped, "you're so snappy today!"

Artemis eyed her coldly. Perhaps it was because he was working on creating an enhanced version of snow which could form itself into beautiful crystals. Fake, but beautiful. An invention which would bring profit from the idiotic dealers of the world, leaving no time to watch three babbling monsters. Aloud Artemis said, "I don't mean to be snappy mother, but you know I don't like children."

Angeline tutted and wagged her finger. "You should darling, one day you're going to have your own."

Artemis resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "I'm sorry mother, but I can't watch them." He allowed himself to shrug slightly.

Angeline, on the other hand, uncrossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. "Oh no Artemis, I'm sorry. The arrangements have already been made. The children should be here shortly." Angeline offered a sweet smile before turning and walking around the corner, the clicking of her heels slowly fading. Artemis was left to furiously think up a solution to this…dire situation.