"It has been decided. We're assigning you a new crew."

"What?" Captain Kirk couldn't believe his ears.

Just then, the door flew open.

"…and here they are now!"

In through the door walked four figures. One was small and pale with huge, huge ears and tennis-ball eyes. One was small and pale with no ears at all who wasn't wearing much. One was small and green with smallish ears who was wearing a robe. And the last was a girl with a blond braid who looked very out of place. She shifted from foot to foot uncomfortably, eyeing the three strange creatures huddling around her feet.

Kirk just stared. He really couldn't do much else.

"Just four?" he said. "I have a HUGE crew. And you replace them with JUST FOUR WEIRDOS?!"

This made the blond girl look even more uncomfortable.

"Well, you can keep some of your old crew," the Boss allowed graciously. "But these are the first ever volunteers from, uh, from…"

"From interdimensional space-time continuum travel, via light-speed universe-fabric breaches," Spock filled in.

"What he said," the Boss supplied helpfully.

"Uh," said Kirk. He looked over at the four new members of his crew.

The small green creature hobbled forward, leaning on its walking stick. "Hmm!" it said, sounding grumpy. "Luke Skywalker, you are not!"

"You are not Harry Potter, either!" said the small thing with tennis-ball eyes. "Harry Potter is a great wizard! I saved Harry Potter's life!"

"Precious!" whined the small creature who wasn't wearing much of anything. "We wants it!"

The blond girl tugged her braid. She said nothing.

"This is ridiculous," muttered Bones.

"Ridiculous, this is not!" said the small green thing.

"Ahem," said the Boss, "please introduce yourselves."

"Yoda, I am," said the green thing sagely.

"Crazy, you are," Bones muttered under his breath. Yoda lifted his stick and jabbed him in the eye. "Hey! Ow!"

"Dobby, sir!" Dobby walked forward to shake Kirk's hand. "Don't know who you are, sir, but Dobby is a free elf, and Dobby serves no one! Except Harry Potter!"

"Gollum," said the other thing. "Smeagol," he added.

"I'm Primrose Everdeen," said the blond girl, barely above a whisper.

"Well, there ya go!" said the Boss. "Your new crew! I'm gonna go write Haiku. Have fun."

Kirk groaned. This day was NOT turning out well…