(A/N): Just a little one-shot that popped into my head last night. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT.
It's moments like these that make me hate the Kraang and the Foot Clan for forcing me to live in hiding underground for my safety. The more time I spent down here, the clearer it became to me that the guys don't know a damn thing about living with girls. Not that I can blame them or hate them for it. I am the first girl they've ever met after being underground for the past 15 years of their lives, as well as the first one they've had to live with. But that doesn't mean that the lack of their Female 101 knowledge doesn't make me want to chew a brick.
Like a few days ago for instance, I had just gotten done with a training session with Master Splinter. He's been harder on me ever since my "fight" with Karai. Keeping me up later, being more stern, making me run katas ten times in a row, cracking down on me when I start to slack off.
I'm surprised I'm still alive. Just a few months ago when I was still going to school, I could barely climb the rope during gym. How spend hours getting yelled at by a giant rat when I stab the practice dummy the right way.
But that's not the point, the point is, Master Splinter almost ran me into the ground and I was super tired and needed to relax. After he noticed how I as panting like a dog, he ended the training session and dismissed me. I figured that a nice bubble bath was in order. The guys were out the lair on patrol, so it would be the perfect time for me to relax.
Do you see where this going yet?
I went grabbed my iPod from my bag of what little belongings I had, went into the bathroom and began to run the water at its hottest temperature. I poured in some of the bubble bath that Mikey got on me on of their visits to the surface. Once the water was bubbly enough and filled a little more than half the tub, I stripped off my clothes and climbed right in. I plugged my head phones into my ear and began to blast my music. I closed my eyes and hummed along to the song that played as I let the stress and tension melt away from my body. I could feel my muscles beginning to relax and after a while, I was completely calm and relaxed. Or Zen as Master Splinter would call it. Nothing else in the world seemed to matter.
Do you see where this is going now? No? Fine, I'll go on.
So where was I? Aah, yes. So I was relaxing, and listening to music. I was so invested in my own joy and Zen that I didn't notice when the guys came back from the patrol.
Bet you see where this is going, now.
I only found out they had returned from their time when all four them tumbled into the bathroom just as I was getting out of the tub. I had one leg and was reaching for my towel when the door suddenly flew open and they all fell onto the floor, piled on top of each other, apparently wrestling and arguing over who got to use the bathroom first. They didn't seem to notice me so I screamed to get their attention.
Needless to say, it worked.
I snatched the towel off the rack near the tub and wrapped it tightly around my bubble clad body.
They froze and started at me, not exactly the reaction they wanted but at least they had stopped fighting. After a few seconds of bugging out at me
Leo averted his eyes and began to apologize 47 times, Raph looked angry with me as it made him upset that I had to nerve to take a bath and not predict he and his brothers would bust through the door, Mikey appeared to be traumatized and Don fainted after staring at me for a few seconds and drooling.
"April?! Wha…why…what are doing! Why are you naked?!" Raph demanded from me.
I figured I must have looked pretty stupid. Covered in bubbles, half way out the tub, with a towel wrapped around me.
"Me!? Why did you crash through the bathroom?! Get out!" I shouted at him. When he didn't leave right away and I grabbed the closest thing to me, the bottle of bubble bath, and hurled it at his head. I hit him right in the side of cheek, and for a moment, it looked as if he was going to tackle me. He probably would have if Splinter didn't come in.
"What on Earth is going in-…April! My goodness!" He covered his hands eyes and slammed his cane on the ground. It seemed to get everyone's attention.
"All of you! Leave, April to finish her business, now!" He barked furiously. Leo, Raph and Mikey left the bathroom, dragging Donnie by his legs behind them. Master Splinter was the last to leave. He briefly apologized before he exited the bathroom and closed the door behind I him.
Outside, he began to scold the guys in Japanese. I felt kind of bad them, but then again, they did bust in on me while I was naked and covered in bubbles. So I'm sure I'd get over it.
That had apparently only been the beginning of my troubles. The real hell started this evening while I training.
I was in the middle of another kunoich lesson when I asked to be excused due to "feminine problems". Master Splinter thankfully seemed to get the memo and I went to the bathroom, making sure to lock the door this time, and grabbed a small bag that contained my toiletries that I kept hidden behind a shelf in the bathroom.
I looked inside and just my luck. I was down to my last tampon.
Wonderful. I was in no mood to travel to the surface to get more, not that I would have even been allowed to leave.
So I did what I had to do and left the bathroom. The cramps had only taken a few minutes to escalate into intense pain. It felt as if there was a small boxer inside of me using my guts as punching bags and my back began to ache. The second I got to the living area, I collapsed onto the couch, curled into a ball and started to my best dying, beached whale impression. This was most likely how I would spend the rest of this week.
"S'wrong with you?" I hear a gruff voice ask.
I look up and find Raph and his brothers staring back at me in concern. I moan and turn away.
"Nothing, I'm fine. Just…please leave me alone." I say in the kindest voice I can manage.
"Whatever." He replies and I hear heavy footsteps as he leaves. A few moments, later, I hear the ping pong game start up.
Good, that's one gone.
"You sure? You like you're hurting pretty badly. Are, you sick." Donnie asked in concern.
I huff out a breath and roll my eyes. "I'm fine, Donnie I just need to rest." I say through my clenched teeth. I wasn't trying to be mean or anything, but they just wouldn't stop pushing me.
"But, you sounded like a dying whale when we came in here. And you're all curled up and your face is bunched up? Why are turning red? And you're trembling too. And you're fist are balling up all tight. You sure you-
"Mikey, maybe we just leave her alone and-
"But look at her! She's obviously not okay! April! Tell Leo you're not okay! April! Ap-
"I SAID I'M FINE! I JUST GOT MY PERIOD OKAY!"
That shut'em up.
Leo stood there frozen for a seconds, his eyes wide as saucers. He raises his hands in front of him and backs away slowly. "Uh…right. Well I'm…sorry to hear about. Good luck and I hope you feel better- COMING MASTER SPLINTER!" And with that he took off.
Two down, two to go.
"Your…period?" Mikey asked in a puzzled voice. He exchanged glances with his Donnie and then looked back at me. "What's that?"
I was about to tell him that I was no mood to explain to him the process of my menstrual cycle, nor would I ever be and that he didn't want to know as badly as he thought he did. But Donnie spoke up first and said…well…this.
"Oh! I read up on this!" He chimed in excitedly as if it was something to be proud of. I turned to face him and propped myself up on my elbows.
"You looked up on it!" I yelled back.
"Well yeah, I figured that if we were gonna have a girl living with us, I should learn everything I can about your body and how to take care of it." He replied as if I was absurd for not thanking him for what he did or something.
"And according to the book-
"The book?!"
He grabbed a small blue book from under one of couch cushions and flipped to a random page. "Aah, do you have either a tampon or a pad handy?"
"Oh my God! Someone kill me now!" I scream into a pillow.
He nodded and began to murmur to himself as if I was some kind of experiment he was studying. "You seem agitated. Would like some…ibuprofen or a heating device?"
"GO AWAY!"
"What you need is a nice cup of, warm tea. MASTER SPLINTER DO WE HAVE IBUPROFEN AND TEA!?" Donnie called towards the opposite end of the lair.
"OF COURSE WE HAVE TEA! BUT WHY DO YOU NEED IBUPROFEN!" Master Splinter shouted back from the training room.
This wasn't happening. This so wasn't happening. PLEASE GOD, TELL ME THIS ISN'T HAPPENING!
"APRIL IS MENSTRATING AND SHE'S MISREABLE! THE BOOK SAYS SHE'LL NEED IBUPROFEN AND I READ ONLINE THAT TEA HELPS!" Donnie called back.
"WILL SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON RIGHT NOW!" Mikey yelled as waved his arms around in the air.
Donnie sighed. He leaned over to Mikey and began to whisper to Mikey. Completely oblivious of the look of horror on my face.
"Uh-huh…uh-huh…uh-huh…OH GOD, THAT'S TERRIBLE! Every month? For a whole week?...Year round? Why?...That makes no sense!...Well why don't they just get pregnant so they won't have to put up with it…What do you mean it's not that easy?"
I couldn't take this anymore. I stood on the couch and erupted.
"ENGOUGH! ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS COME IN HERE AND RELAX AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I'M GONNA DO! NOW GO AWAY!"
Mikey whimpered and slowly began to back away from me. "COMING LEO!" He called to no one before he sprinted away.
Donnie on the other hand didn't move.
"N-now April calm down. According to the book-
I never found out what the book said. Before Donnie could finish his sentence, I tacked him to the grounded and began to repeatedly hit him the book. I don't know how long this went on. All I know is that I felt something pinch me on my shoulder and the next thing I knew, I woke up on the couch a few hours later.
The entire lair was silent and the room was empty with exception myself, and several bags boxes that sat on the floor, one of them had a note attached to it with my name on it. I picked it up and it read,
April
I'm really sorry about earlier. Don't feel too bad about pummeling with the book. I deserved it. Anyways, it turns you really didn't have access to a pad or tampon so I went and got some for you. I didn't know which kind to get so I just one of each. That should last you a while. I also got you plenty of ibuprofen and a heating device for your pain.
Your friend,
Donatello
I looked in the bags, and sure enough, he had gotten one of everything and a bunch of ibuprofen. Where he got the money, I don't know. But he was right, at least they would last me a while. I toss the note to my side and fall onto my back.
This was definitely gonna take some getting used to.
