Disclaimer: Well, either you're stupid or I look like…whoever made Bleach.

This is my first Bleach fic, and I don't really know a whole lot about how Renji and Byakuya talk to each other, so…bear with me, okay?

This came into my head when I overheard someone say 'office sex', and I couldn't pass it up, being the hack that I am. Heheh.

And one more thing…I've only seen up until, like, where Byakuya was fighting with…Yoruichi, I think her name was? Or was it Yaroichi? Damn…And even then, I've missed episodes.

I regret to say that…this is a oneshot, period.

Onward!


Kuchiki Byakuya barely let a sigh escape him before he put down his pen. Rubbing his temples, he acknowledged again, once again, that this feeling was not going to go away until he satiated the underlying desire accompanying it. Damn.

It had been steadily getting worse, getting harder to contain. Harder, harder, harder it became to hold himself back from what he knew he would eventually need to do. The knowledge that it would soon be undeniable as a want, as a necessity, had not helped. Only extreme levels of self-control, so extreme as to be considered unhealthy, even unnatural by some, had made it possible to restrain himself from what he now knew he wanted, needed so much.

He paged Renji.

After about three rings, Renji picked up. Byakuya could hear swords clashing in the background, as well as Renji's faint "Damn!" before the communicator was all the way to his mouth. He wondered idly if his vice-captain was sparring with that orange substitute again. "Renji."

"Yes, Captain Kuchiki?" The sound of rock being violently hit and crushed. A faint, "missed me, idiot!" echoed through the communicator.

"Come to my office immediately."

"But, Captain, I'm—!"

"Now." Click.

Renji hung up, confused and a little bit absolutely furious about his sparring being interrupted. He reverted Zabimaru and sheathed the sword. (A/N: I can't remember if it's male or female)

"Hey, Renji. Who was that, why'd ya stop?"

"Catch ya later, Strawberry! Captain's orders!" Renji took off, waving to Ichigo.

"DON'T CALL ME THAT, YOU…" Ichigo's shouts faded as Renji ran.

He arrived, panting, at Byakuya's office. He straightened his headband, brushed his uniform off, and smoothed his vibrant hair down in an attempt (a vain attempt) to make himself at least look presentable, regardless of his somewhat inappropriate speech patterns. He took a final breath and raised his hand to knock.

"Come in, Renji," came Byakuya's voice before Renji's hand had even touched the door.

'Man, it's fuckin' creepy when he does that.' Renji pushed open the door with a hesitant manner not usually found in someone who had grown up the Rukongai, and walked in.

"Sit."

Renji sat. Byakuya, however, stood. He walked over to the door, locked it ('What the fuck?'), and came to stand in front of the redhead. "Do you know why I have called you here, Renji?" he asked evenly, not blinking.

"Umm—no, sir—I don't—I—"

"Good. Stand up."

Renji stood.

Byakuya slammed a very surprised Renji up against the wall of his office.

"Gah—what the fuck—?!"

"Renji, be quiet." Byakuya attacked his second-in-command's mouth with his own. He could feel Renji trying to pull away, so he broke apart and backed up, glaring at the man. Renji was panting, tattooed chest heaving.

"What?" Byakuya asked, irritation lacing his tone.

"Hehe…gah…off—office sex, C-Captain Ku…chiki?"

"Shut up Renji." Slam.


Heh…way to end it, ne? Not slam as in whack, slam as in I'm gonna do you against a wall. Any mistakes in the story, and you know what to do, right? KILL ME!!! Mwahahahaha!!