A/N: English is not my mother tongue, so I apologize for any grammar and spelling mistakes.
This is my first time writing a Rookie Blue fanfic. It's like 2 am and I just felt the need to write this fic. Like I needed to write down my thoughts or something. It doesn't really have a plot, just an insight of Gail's internal struggles if she were at the edge of breaking down.
Hope you enjoy it! O.o
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"Shit!" her breath came in short gasps and she felt like she wasn't getting enough oxygen into her lungs. She knew the all too familiar feeling of her heart constricting painfully in her chest and she didn't like it, at all. She hated to admit to herself that she did not have anything under control. Her life was falling apart and emotionally she was a mess.
Gail leaned heavily on the sink in her bathroom, trying to desperately calm her breathing. She forced herself to think that she was just having a panic attack and that there was nothing to fear. Everything was fine. She was fine and with taking deep and steady breaths she relaxed.
Gail looked at her reflection in the mirror and noticed the bags under her eyes. She couldn't remember the last time she had had a peaceful sleep. Every night she would wake up drenched in sweat having another panic attack or a nightmare. The blonde sighed, thinking that she had to work in a couple of hours. She had her early shift at 6 in the morning. 'Great. Another annoying day' , she thought. Well it was her duty as a Peck and police officer to serve and protect. That's what she had told herself in order to keep going. Serve and protect; the words that she had learned even before could she say 'Mom' or 'Dad'.
Gail's life had been a mess lately. Holly had left, Sophie had been given away to another family. Well technically, Gail had given up on her, but only because she thought Sophie would fit in perfectly with the other family. And then there was Steve. The only family member whom she had ever felt gratitude for. Something inside her broke when she had gotten the call from Traci. The prison guards had found Steve dead in his cell.
That had sent Gail over the edge. She had always been a suspicious person to begin with and she only had very few people she could call friends and even less people she could trust. She felt like she was being left behind, like everyone had just left her.
Because of her brother, the people at Division 15 didn't trust her anymore. Well they hadn't really trusted her to begin with, but now it felt like they resented her, for being a Peck, for being who she was.
This year had been an emotional roller coaster for Gail and it didn't help at all that she had for some reason developed a panic disorder. The sleep deprivation had made it so much harder to get through the day. She always felt tired, but she couldn't sleep either. She was most likely going to die of a caffein overdose or sleep deprivation. It was no use thinking about the details of how she would die. Gail was going to do what she always did. Serve and protect, work like any other day and just ignore the stares and the whispers around her. She was just going be Gail Peck. Or rather be what was still left of her.
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Thanks for reading my fic. Mind leaving a review?
