Inspiration for this came from this tumblr post. When I read this, I was just so touched and just my FEELS! I had to do this! Okay?! I had to!
askthecoolestbro .tumblr post/27448314604/well-little-me-the-answer-is-yes- we-managed (Without the spaces, of course.)
I sat up on the roof with my legs hanging over the edge for what seemed like forever, just staring out over everything my eyes could show me. In my hand was a slip of paper with messy words written in orange ink spread over the page. I had read it so many times; I had rememorized every word it said.
"So… older me. I just decided that with everything that's going to happen, I was going to write you this letter and if everything went as planned, you found it on the twelve of April which I'm hoping is today for you. If it's not, I beg of you. Please put this back where you found it and don't look at it again until the time is right. And if that time really is now, well… I'm sorry. Just thinking about it scares me… I can't imagine what you must be going through.
I wanted to write this to talk to you, get some things off my chest, and ask you all the questions I have but… I can't think of a single thing to say or anything that I want to know. It's really all just so scary but… I guess all I want to know is… did we do it? You know what I'm talking about. I know you do. Were we able to make it happen? That's all I want to know. Nothing else matters."
I looked over the words again and again… stared at them for a long time. I remember writing this. I think I was about Dave's age. I was scared about so many things back then. I was afraid of playing games, I was afraid of fighting, and I was afraid of dying. But nothing scared me more… than the child I knew I would find. I never imagined myself as the parent type, everyone always said I would suck at parenting and maybe they were right. I never asked to be a father… I was so sure I would fuck it up. I was so afraid of the child I was going to be given that I wanted to abandon my duty to him and leave him with someone else. But when I first lay eyes on him that day in the crater that had once been my favorite record store… I knew he was mine. So here I am with a thirteen year old boy.
I thought a lot… about my life… about Dave's life. Had I been a good enough example? Did I meet the expectations of a good guardian? Did I raise him right? Did I let him down? I had so many questions then that I knew wouldn't get answered for a very long time and now that I'm the person I thought would have the answers, I find myself asking the same questions and more. I find that I don't have the answers I was searching for. I wondered if in what short time I had left, if I would be able to find my answers… if I would be able to find some peace. But I knew I wouldn't. I was out of time.
"Hey Bro," I heard him call just after the door to the roof was opened and his footsteps walked closer to me. "I'm hungry." I ignored him and continued to stare out at the ground below and at the sky above. I wanted to ask him my questions… maybe he was really the one with my answers all along. "Did you hear me Bro? I said I'm hungry. Let's go get food." he called again since I didn't answer. I finally turned my head up to him and what I saw shocked me. What I saw me wasn't just my little brother… but a savior. A true knight. I could see passed his coolkid façade to glance at who he truly was. And let me tell you, I was not displeased. Not at all.
I looked back at the paper in my hand and smirked. I was right. Thank you Dave… I have my answers. I moved around a bit to grab a lighter from my back pocket. I lit the flame and stared at it for a moment before setting the paper on fire and watching it burn until there was nothing left of it but ash which blew away with the light breeze.
"What was that?" Dave questioned as he stepped a light closer to me.
"Just an old letter from a scared and insecure kid." I smiled as the remaining ashes faded from my view. No need to worry little me, your answer is yes. We were able to raise a child that can't see the dreadful future waiting for us but he's not blind to it either. When I see him, I know for sure he looks on with determination. And I know he'll make it through anything. We did it, little me… we did it. Dave is ready for anything the game- or life itself can throw his way.
"What are you talking about?"
"Nothing Lil Man." I chuckled as I stood up and turned to him. Looking over him… I got to thinking; maybe I can't be a parent. I never was the father type. A smirk returned to my face. There was no question about it; I was no father. But I was sure one hell of a brother. "I thought you were hungry."
"I am." he pouted. Slinging an arm around his shoulders, I led him back to the door inside.
"Then let's go out to eat. Anywhere you want."
"Seriously?" he asked a little doubtfully and I nodded. "What's with this all of a sudden?" I just shrugged. No reason really… I just wanted to give him the best last day I possibly could. He said nothing and just took the offer before I could take it back, not that I was going to.
Tomorrow Dave will play a game.
Tomorrow I will die protecting the only thing I've ever loved.
Tomorrow he will move on and strive to win his unbeatable game.
Tomorrow he will die… more times than I would like to think.
Tomorrow Dave will play a game. A game that will give he and his friends the chance to recreate a dead universe.
Tomorrow he will learn and understand everything.
Tomorrow he will stand strong and overcome every obstacle that gets in his way. He will stand by and support his friends and accomplish his goals. He will conquer every foe and every challenge. He will grow into the man that I always hoped he would become and I'm happy that I was able to help him become the person he is.
Tomorrow he will set off on a three year journey and at the end of that long wait, I will be there waiting for him. I know it won't really be me but I'm hoping like hell that he sees just how special my Dave is. He will see right through that façade Dave has put up and see what a good person he is and he will love him. Just as I always have.
Tomorrow Dave will play a game. A game that will give he and his friends the chance to recreate a dead universe and save our own.
Tomorrow Dave will play his part in saving us all.
And I have never been so proud of him.
