This here is just a short story that came to me last night. I sat down and could not stop typing. I have to say I am rather proud of this story and can only hope you all enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I have not felt this need to write in a really long time and now that it has come back to me I just cannot seem to stop. Please enjoy!
I use to hate being alone. I was constantly surrounded by people. Constantly talked to. Constantly paid attention to. I use to think the attention was amazing, it made me in a sense happy. I always had someone around, never alone, never without something to do. I use to relish in the feeling of popularity. Everyone wanting to know what I was doing, where I was going, and what I was wearing. I treated everyone like they were second best and always put myself first. I use to drink and smoke, and wake up in the morning wondering what the fuck happened last night. I use to hang out late and wake up late. My life was a party. One awesome, booze filled, making out drunk, dancing til I'm numb, barely wearing clothes party.
Today was no different. I got up just after 5 pm, took a shower, ordered some food, and got ready. Tonight was going to be just like every other night. I was going to go to our favorite club, Shadow Kiss, and drink and dance my pathetic life away. It was about 5 months ago that I really starting hating what I was doing, but I knew better than to voice it to my friends. They all loved this life, this numb feeling, we never had to truly worry about anything. Our mommy and daddy's paid all the bills, and got us anything and everything we could ever want. This amazing flat I now wondered trying to find my wallet from last night was all paid by daddy dearest. He never asked questions, and my credit cards had no limits.
My parent always let me do what I wanted, I use to hate the fact that they never paid attention me, but after I turned 14 my best Lissa convinced me it was for the best. She showed me what life was without rules, without regulations. She would dance on this line, never crossing over. She would drink, smoke, do some drugs, but she never took it as far as I did. While she stuck to one guy, her boyfriend of now 5 years, I jumped from boy to boy, cause these males could never be considered men, and dared to jump over the line on more than one occasion. I had never slept with any of these boys, but I might as well have, everyone thought I did. My reputation as a slut was alive and well, and I never tired to stop it.
I have always been the life of the party. No one and I mean no one who is anyone goes out without me. Everyone knows I bring everything to a party, I bring a show, laughter, and plenty of drugs. I have never had a reason to stop, even the constant depression did not give me a reason. If anything it made me want to party harder, made me want to forget even more. Even though many worshiped the floor I walked on, I was truly a no body. I had no true achievements. No ambitions. No direction. And no self respect. I was a skanky hoe, a drug addict, and a true alcoholic. Even if I knew how to change I knew better than to think I would, or well that I could.
I stepped outside, the cool air clearing my thoughts. I needed to stop thinking so much. All this worrying, and wanting to change was not going to do me any good. I was what I was and nothing was going to change it. This is where I belonged, nothing better was going to come along for me. I knew I would end up dying young and alone, it's what people like me did. People with no purpose. People with no real lives. People who took this life for granted. I deserved pain, I deserved to be alone. But yet I was numb to it all. I wanted to care, but in the end the numbness always won.
My driver was waiting for me, as always. He knew that every night was a party night. It was sad to think that so many knew what I did, but never tried to stop it. I needed to stop thinking about all this pointless bullshit. I stepped into the limo, and took my seat. In about 10 minutes we would be pulling up to Lissa's and everyone with her would join us at the club. Taking a deep breath in, I reached into my small purse and pulled out my favorite white substance. I settled some on my pinky and inhaled it deeply, hoping it would stop the constant negative chatter in my mind. I needed to relax, I needed to enjoy tonight. Though I had no idea why. This all was starting to seem pointless to me. I honestly just wanted to turn around and go back to bed.
As we pulled up to Lissa's I could see everyone gathered around. They were all ready for tonight, I saw smiles, and heard laughter, and I could not help but envy them. They for some reason could be happy with the life they lived, and yet I could not be. I knew many people would kill for a life like mine, but they had no idea how much it really did suck. I pulled out my white powdered friend one more time and inhaled, trying to work up the courage to put on a smile on my face. The second hit always did it for me. The thoughts long gone, as I leaned my head back and the numbness settled in.
"Hey there my little party friend." Adrian got into the limo first and rested his arm around my shoulders.
He was a very attractive boy. He was 22, rich and very good looking. He had messy brown hair, emerald, green eyes and a smile any designer would want to model for them. He always looked like he had just gotten off the cat walk, and his scent was sweet yet bitter. He had always tried to get with me, but something, I don't know what always stopped me. He was one of the better guys, one who had once told me he would stop all this for me. He had told me he wanted to save me, but I had just laughed it off. He was worse than me, or so I thought so. But looking at him now, as he stared at me with concerned eyes I wasn't so sure. I leaned my head onto his shoulders and I noticed how he took a deep breath in and squeezed my shoulders.
"Things change tonight my friend." I looked up at his words, but he shrugged, killing anything I would have asked. Not only that the drugs were starting to take affect.
"Rose where is my hello?" Lissa's slurred words brought me back I couldn't help but laugh. It was 9 pm and she was already hammered. I looked up at her and a mixture of emotions hit me.
Lissa was never a bad person. Even in her drunk and drugged up state she always cared about people. She aimed to make everyone happy. She wanted everyone to like her, and she cared deeply about me. She never received the same back though, people shoved her aside and most thought she was too soft for this world. In a way she was, she deserved better. Slowly her boyfriend, Christian was dragging her out of this world. When she once went out every night like me, she now only went a few nights a week. I was happy about this though, she had someone who loved her, someone who cared enough to try and save her. I had no such luck, well I had no one worth leaving this life for. Adrian tried to help, but he just wasn't the right person. He was too caught up in all this to actually do anything about it.
I hugged her close, and could only hope it conveyed how much I cared about her. She simply giggled and then made her way to Christians lap. I envied what they had, true love she had called it many times. She said she would do anything for him, and he would do the same. I had never felt that way about anyone. I had never had anyone in my life that I would stop all this for, never had anyone who would really want me to stop all this. I was thinking too much again. The drugs weren't enough anymore. I was about to pull out the powder again when Adrian offered me his flask.
"Thanks." I mumbled as I took a big swig. The club was only a few more minutes away, and I knew I would soon get some more.
As we all got out of the limo, I swayed a bit and was caught by Christian. He steadied me, but did not let go. I looked back as saw that Lissa was staying behind chatting with Mia and Eddie, but she eyed me worried. Christian kept his hand on my elbow and led me to the line, we all knew we would never have to wait in. I looked up and studied the line as Christian talked to the bouncer. As I looked up I caught a tall figure. He looked ordinary, except for his height. He looked like a giant. But his tallness aside he looked amazing in his simple jeans and tight v-neck t-shirt. He had shoulder length hair and before I could see his eyes, Christian dragged me into the club. Soon enough the man was forgotten as my first drink made its way into my hands. I downed it in a matter of seconds and I saw the look of disapproval in Christians eyes.
"Maybe you should take it slow tonight Rose. I want to be able to see you tomorrow." Although I could see the worry in his eyes, I could not help the feeling that bubbled inside. He needed to leave me alone. I was not his problem.
I pulled away and ordered another drink. If he was going to be no fun tonight, and Lissa and Adrian were following suit I would just have to do this all on my own. They had tried this before on me. The last time I ended up in rehab. They all said they cared, that they wanted me better, but when I got out no one was there. They were all going out, all having fun and they left me behind. What was the point of getting better if no one was going to be there for me in the end? I needed people, I needed someone to be there for me, I wasn't strong enough to do it myself. I wanted to be, but I was way beyond needing a regular repair. I was broken, shattered, and no one was going to be able to put me together again.
I took my new drink and walked away. Not even bothering to look back and see their disapproving faces. I knew they didn't want me doing this. But they couldn't judge when they did it themselves. Plus what else was I going to do? What else was I good for? Nothing. I was a good for nothing. The thoughts only made me drink my drink faster. I needed all this emotional shit to disappear and fast. They were ruining my buzz, and I did not like buzz kills. I only came out because I wanted to forget, not because I wanted to see my problems head first.
Maybe I could find someone around here to distract me for a while? I needed some boy to come up to me, and either buy me a drink or dance with me. And at that moment I did not care who it was. I leaned up against a wall, and scanned the room in front of me. Who would be falling prey to me tonight? I had a few guys wink at me, but something told me to not wink, or look back. I had a certain man in mind, but I could not pin point what that man was. I finally spotted an older man, and by older I mean he was in his mid twenties, standing aside looking like he was waiting for someone. I pushed off the wall and made a beeline towards him. He looked like he could use some company.
"You look lost." It was the first words I had spoken all night, and I said them with purpose.
"Not lost pretty lady, just looking for my friend." He smiled politely at me, and I could not help but think he was different. Different than most I had met here before.
"And whose this friend? She coming soon?" I was trying to see if he was here with someone else, a lady friend of his own. I needed to know if I had to do some stealing tonight.
"No he went to the bathroom. But he hasn't been in the states for too long. Just worried he got lost." He smiled again. And my eyes widened at this. Oh god he was gay. This was not going to work out at all. I usually was better at sensing a gay man.
"Oh no no no... He's my best friend. Friend. Just friend." I laughed at the horror on his face as his own words made him realize what he had just said.
"So this friend, maybe we should go looking for him. I would love to help him out." He hooked his arm with mine and led me to the bathrooms. I could not help the smile that crossed my features. This man was not like the others I had encountered. He was friendly, and polite, and something told me he was truly not interested in finding someone to hook up with. I knew I wanted some action, but just being around him was nice. It was like I actually wanted to make some friends tonight.
He led me to a dark corner, as he tried to look over everyones heads. He seemed to have spotted what he wanted and started dragging me along. He suddenly stopped and turned back to me. He changed directions and I saw he was heading to the bar. I looked at him questioningly and he simply shrugged his shoulders. He pushed us through the large crowd and surprisingly got the bar attenders attention quickly. I was surprised because I knew him. Mason never let anyone get his attention but me. He was only nice to those he knew and liked. This guy must have an in.
"What do you want little lady?" He turned his dashing smile on me once again, and I almost had a hard time answering him.
"Vodka on the rocks." He nodded and turned to Mason telling him he would need 10 Russian vodka shots sent to table 10. He turned back towards me and extended his hand. He leaned in as the music got louder and I could not help the feeling that passed through me. He was not leaning in to hit on me, or try and seduce me. He was leaning in simply cause he wanted me to hear him.
"Ivan." He said his name and his name alone. I leaned in as well.
"Rose." I offered back. And I was confused as to why I gave him my real name. I never did that. I always lied, and tried to make believe I was someone else.
I hooked his arm with mine once again and he led me back to the area we had just come back from. He pushed and shoved. And made sure I could keep up. He would look back and smile every once in a while, and I could not help the warm feeling that gathered in my chest. It was not one of lust or want. It was just a wonderful feeling. A feeling that I could trust him. A feeling that he was not going to use me like everyone else. I had no idea why. Maybe it was all the coke I had done earlier. We finally made it to table 10 and I spotted him as soon as the crowd cleared.
Sitting there was the man from outside. The tall, shoulder length hair guy that had caught my attention. As I surveyed him again, I was finally able to take in all his detail. He was fit, and lean, but yet packed with muscles. His hair was long and shoulder length but it screamed masculine. His lips, bow like, plump and I swear I could already tell they felt like silk. But what stunned me the most were his chocolate brown eyes. I had never thought brown eyes could be so intriguing. I almost felt like I could drown in them. Just as I finished my assessment he looked up and spotted Ivan. He smiled a bit, and as he spotted me his smile fell. I felt hurt at this but let it pass. Just as we made it to the table, the 10 shots Ivan had ordered were delivered.
"Rose, this here is my good friend Dimitri." Ivan motioned to him, immediately said Dimitri extended his hand and offered it to me. I took his hand and it was like the whole club disappeared. I almost pulled back at the shock waves sent to me, but thought better of it and just gripped his hand harder. Ivan leaned in again and whispered.
"He just got in from Russia. He knows English, but had never been to the states before. I'm just trying to get him to get loose. Mind helping me?" I smiled at his need for my help. But decided I was more than willing. I sat down next to Dimitri, and handed him one of the shots. Ivan grabbed one for himself, but he seemed to be lost in another world.
"Welcome to America comrade." He smiled at me, and I found myself in a daze. It was one hell of a fucking smile. He lifted the small glass and bumped it with mine, and we both downed the shot. He put the glass down, and leaned in just like Ivan had, but his breath near my ear made me shiver.
"I'm sorry but I didn't catch your name." His voice was thick with accent, and that made me shiver even more. I had never had the pleasure of hearing a Russian accent, but now that I had. I wanted to hear it all the time. I took the opportunity to lean in myself and I made sure to get extra close to his ear. Letting out a small hot breath, and I saw his eyes close and I whispered.
"You can call me Rose. You're Rose." I pulled away and he slowly licked his lips. I grabbed another shot and handed it to him. "To new beginnings." We clinked our glasses again, and this time Ivan didn't take a shot. I could not help but stare at Dimitri as he leaned his head back and let this clear harsh liquid go down his throat. He made even the smallest gestures seem sexy, and illegal. We finished all the shots, and Ivan somehow made even more show up. Before I knew it Ivan had disappeared and my favorite song started playing. I got off my seat and grabbed Dimitri's hand.
He stopped me when he noticed I was dragging him to the dance floor. He suddenly looked timid. And I loved it. He had been acting shy the whole time but not like this. He seemed ashamed of himself, and I knew why. He clearly did not dance a lot. But he was going to dance with me. I had to have this man dance with. I needed a reason to get him closer. I needed to feel him up against me. I tugged harder but he was no longer budging. I smiled at him, a smile I saw that made him weak to the knees, and motioned for him to come down to my level. He did so without hesitation.
"I need you to dance with me." I purred into his ear, and his earlier doubt vanished. He followed me to the dance floor with no more resistance.
I pulled him into the middle of the crowd, and pulled him close. I let myself get lost in the music, not worrying about those around us. Now I was dancing for him and only him. I started grinding against him, and he stopped moving. I smirked at him and continued my grinding. His hands laid nicely on my sides, but I needed them on my hips. I pulled them down, and he tightened his grip. I wrapped my arms around his torso and pulled him even closer. I made sure every part of me was rubbing against him. With every move his gripped tightened. And as it tightened my need for him increased. This man was driving me crazy. I was not even anywhere near as drunk as I usually was. His touch was electrifying. After a few songs, he leaned down and hovered his mouth to my ear. I pressed harder to him, and I vaguely heard the chuckle that left his lips.
"Roza, let me show what a real man is like." I pulled away shocked. This once shy man was turning into exactly what I needed. It wasn't until then that I knew he meant it. This was not a boy standing in front of me. This was a man. A real man. A man that could make me feel things I had never felt before. I took his hand and led him to the exit. I texted my driver telling him it was time to go home. I was shocked to see it was only a little past 11pm. Hours before I would normally go home. We passed the bar, and Mason winked at us as we walked by.
My driver was ready for us as soon as we walked out the door. I had no idea why I was bringing him with me. I had never brought anyone back to my place before. I always made sure we never went anywhere but the club. I never wanted to sleep with anyone of them. I had no interest in sex. It was too much physical contact for me. And I tried to avoid it as much as possible. But with Dimitri I felt different. I wanted to bring him home. I wanted to take him up on his offer. In the couple hours I had met him he made me feel more than anyone had ever. I wanted to say it was because I was under the influence but this was the most sober I had been in ages.
"A limo huh?" Dimitri sat next to me and he stared at the inside of the limo in wonder. His eyes scanned everything, and I could tell this was his first time in one.
"Yea, I got to get home somehow." I laughed but it held no humor. Too many bad memories were made in this limo. "Do you like it?" I suddenly wanted him to. It was part of my life and something about this man made me want him to accept me and everything I had.
"It is very nice Roza." The rolling of his R's made me close my eyes. What was this man doing to me. I knew nothing about him, but yet I felt like I had known him forever.
"Wait until you see my place. It's even nicer than this." He raised an eyebrow at this and a sly smirk crossed his face.
My driver pulled up to my flat and I pulled Dimitri along with me. We made our way to the elevator and he never once tried to make a move on me. He seemed content to just be holding my hand. When I finally dared to meet his gaze I was stunned at what I found. He was looking at me with admiration. Most boys looked at me with lust, like a piece of meat they could not wait to get ahold of. Dimitri looked at me like I was some rare gem, something he could not believe was right in front of him. His gaze made me feel good, I had never felt like this before.
"See something you like comrade?" I gave him my own smirk and before he could answer the elevator doors opened. I pulled him to my door and was fumbling with my keys, he reached over to stop me and turned me to face him.
"I see a lot I like Roza. You're so beautiful. So absolutely gorgeous. Yet you act like no one has ever said that to you." I couldn't help but stare at him, his eyes spoke his honesty and I seriously had no idea what to say. No one had told me that before. I had been told I was hot, that I was beyond sexy, that my body turned many on. But no one had ever said anything so sweet so truthful, it almost pained me to hear the words.
"Let's go inside." He nodded his head and helped me with the keys his gaze never leaving me, and his hand never leaving mine.
I pulled him around the flat wordlessly, just watching his reaction to everything he saw. He was in awe and in wonder with everything I owned. My father bought me the very best, and I even had some very old paintings. Dimitri seemed to noticed them and walked up to one pulling me along. He looked back wanting me to confirm that it was an original and I simply nodded.
"This is amazing. I never thought I would see one in person before." It was at that moment that I wanted to know more about this man in front of me. I wanted to know him as a person, and that was new for me. I wanted to find a connection with him that I had never found in anyone else before. I wanted to know his likes his dislikes, about his family and friends.
"Tell me about yourself Dimitri. I want to know everything." His smile grew even wider and he led me to the living room couch.
He then proceeded to tell me about his life in Russia. His family, whom he loved dearly. He spent extra time describing his mother, and I saw how much he loved and respected her for raising 4 kids on her own. He spoke of his sisters in the same manner, but I could tell how protective of them he was. He joked about his crazy grandmother. And even told me about a crazy ex he once had. He talked about his love of western books, and John Wayne movies. He told me his favorite color, and had even gone as far as to tell me about his need to have everything organized in his life. He made fun of his color coordinated wardrobe, and how he had to make the bed every morning.
"What about you Roza. I want to know about you." I stared at him in wonder. Why would a man like him want to know about a mess like me. I reached for my purse wanting to inhale my white powder in hope that it would give me some courage around this amazing man. A man that came home with me, but never once tried making a move on me. He treated me with respect, and was genuinely interested in knowing about me. He grabbed my purse away and shook his head.
"You don't need that to talk to me Roza. I want to hear about you. The real you." I was shocked to say the least, how did he know I was reaching for my drugs. How did he know I thought I needed it to talk to him about myself? This man was truly amazing, a god, an angel sent for me. I questioned if maybe something was going to finally save me.
"I don't know where to start Dimitri. I'm a mess. Not worth the time of someone so amazing like you. You never take advantage of anything or anyone. I always have. I party. I drink. I do drugs. And I have never worked a day in my life. I honestly have nothing to show for myself like you do." I hung my head, but Dimitri had something else in mind. He tipped my chin up with his large hand and once again I was lost in that intense gaze.
"People can change Roza. I know you want more than this. I can see it in your eyes. You just don't know how to do it." He leaned closer, and my breathing hitched, his close proximity was overwhelming me. "Let me help you." With that his lips met mine.
I found myself lost in the kiss. I had never been kissed like that in my life. It was not about lust, or need, the kiss held passion, and a fire I never knew existed. It was like Dimitri was trying to tell me something with his lips, and oddly enough I knew what it was. What surprised me the most was that I wanted him to help me. I wanted him here, with me, and not just so we could fool around. I wanted to get to know him more, I wanted him to get to know me, the real me, the one I hid constantly and never let out too afraid of what others would think. I could not help the next words that left my mouth.
"Dimitri." He fixed his eyes onto mine. Lending me strength, willing me with his eyes to just ask. So I did. "Save me." So he did.
Ok so be honest with me... What do you think? Was it good? Bad? Please let me know I would love to write more stories like this! Well short stories... Review please?!
