Everything

A/N; Made me think how close the team really is despite "Ziva's Farewell", which could have been done far better with no case and three or four episodes to give a true closure to the cast and fans. Good with only Dinozzo, but too rushed.

Well before WTF and Past, Present, Future.

"Stop lying, Ziva," Tony said, sitting on her couch in Tel Aviv.

She glared at him "What am I lying about?'

He gave her a slight, encouraging smile. "Your feelings in all that's happened. Your father, your hatred of Bodnar and where this leaves you in life. Talk to me, Ziva, please. You're in a world of pain and I don't understand, but I want to. Ziva, let me in."

No," Ziva said, drawing herself in tighter, "I cannot let you hurt yourself this way. My pain is enough. It is my penance. Walk away, Tony."

"I can't. You're hurting and scared and I don't care if you beat me senseless, but he was your father and you need time to grieve. You need time with us, here, your family. With me and McGee and Gibbs, Ducky, Abby and Palmer and Breena. Face it, she's family now..

She twisted away from him. "No! This is too private!"

Tony's hands on her shoulders as well as his voice, were soft. "Family private. Ziva, we're your family. Let us help you grieve. Let us be there for you."

"I'm taking him to Israel."

Tony took a chance and placed his arms around her, knowing she could very well break them. "I know: we all know. But you need time with us, your family. Ziva, don't push us away. We all love you. I love you. Gibbs loves you. Before you shatter into a million pieces, come to us and accept our love...please?"

Ziva was stunned. Was she so very loved? Did Tony love her that much? Did anyone? Family was a funny word with her. She never understood it until coming to NCIS. Family meant Team and Team meant Family "I found a reason." She leaned into Tony. "I don't remember the last time I had a real family. I forgot what that love was." Tears welled in her eyes, but did not fall. "When my Ima died...I stopped caring but for Tali. When Tali was killed...my world stopped. I could not care again. Why should I? My family was gone, dead. Why should I care? I cared when I came here; when I found that I loved you all. Now I need to leave. The pain is unbelievable, but I need to. I need to find who I am. Not Officer David of Mossad nor NCIS Agent David. I need to find who Ziva David was ever supposed to be. Can you understand that, Tony?"

"No, because you always knew who you were," Tony said. But I love you and we all love you and will be here for you when you need us. That's what our family does. You call and we'll be there. We love you. I love you."

Ziva finally let the tears through. "I love you, Tony. I love all of you and never wanted to hurt you, but I need to find out who I am. I know Mossad me and NCIS me, but who am I? I love you, but I have to do this alone. I have no idea who I am. I need to know."

"And Israel is such a great choice." Tony said, sourly.

Ziva nodded. "Yes, it really is. It's where I was born; where I know myself to be a part of. Please leave. I need to find myself. I will call you."

"Will you?"

She held his reluctant hand. "I will. I promise I have dealt with this since I was five and could understand the news reports. I want peace for a while. Just peace. I love my family at NCIS and I love you." She sealed it with a kiss that held promise of a lifetime of kisses. "Before I can come back and be Ziva again, I need to find who Ziva is. I love you."