On Fire and Ice

"They say never hit a man with a closed fist, but it is on occasion hilarious." – Mal

Disclaimer, Acknowledgments, Dedication, and Full-Length Summary

"Sir, I think you have a problem with your brain being missing." – Zoë

Disclaimer

I don't own the lovely and beautiful characters of the "Firefly" (and now "Serenity") verse. A wonderful man named Joss does. (We all know and love Joss. Yay Joss! You're the man!) Any characters you don't recognize (namely Emilia Sage, Carole Trickey, Kathryn "Kate" and Nona Sugarwhite, Mother Mary and their respective posse parcels) belong to me. You may borrow them, but only if you ask really nicely.

This story is set after the Big Damn Movie, with one caveat: Wash didn't die. I like Wash and he doesn't deserve to be dead in my story. So, he's not! Yay! (Shepherd Book? He's still dead.)

Acknowledgments

I would like to first thank Holly M for taking me to see "Serenity" in the first place and thereby starting my love affair with the "Firefly" 'verse, even if we did get lost. I politely decline from thanking the complicated bus system that took me to see "Serenity" the second time, mostly because I missed my connecting bus home.

I would also like to acknowledge the fact that Vikki (who is referred to as Emilia Sage in these epics) came up with the biggest part of this plot. Thank you very much.

Thank you to Ducky for coming up with a back-story for one of my most beloved "extra" characters and finally giving her a home. I can't thank Joey because he doesn't know I made a character for him, and if he found out, he'd probably smack me.

The title of the story was borrowed from the theme song to the old Disney show "So Weird": This girl's walked on fire and ice.

There is no cult known as the Followers of the Second Coming. The clothing descriptions are borrowed from a cobbled-together scrapbook of Amish and Mennonite clothes.

Simon knows all the medical stuff, so I leave that to him.

I do not mean to portray psychics in a negative light. I have great respect for them.

Dedication

I dedicate this story to Brian and the memory of Jim, for different reasons.

Full-Length Plot Summary

An old friend contacts Mal with a request – he needs something stolen and he's willing to pay. Big. The only catch? Well, there's more than one (aren't there always?). The object in question is in uncharted territory, in Snozlund, where Mal and crew have never been (for good reason, it's far, far away, and cold). And what's more, someone else, a brand-new baddy (a medium), wants this something, and she, like Mal, will stop at nothing to get it. To add onto the fun, three new passengers have boarded Serenity, and some allies from a previous epic have showed up to join in the fun. Throw in some pagan worship at shrines that have a tendency to explode, snow angels, the biggest Christmas shindig you've ever seen, a lengthy discourse about spoons, and a case of mistaken identity, and you've got this epic. (Whew! Think I can pull it off?)