A/N: I sort of had an idea like this going in the back of my mind for a bit and suddenly inspiration just struck, I guess. The first chapter is a little slow, but I have three written so far and will be working on more. Not sure how long this will be, or my end game but we will see.
They didn't realize it but things were going to happen slowly and without effort.
Five weeks following Rafael's resignation from the DA's office, after promising to come back to her - to them - Rafael arrived at their doorstep.
A soft, tentative knock sounded against the door to the Benson apartment. It was a Saturday afternoon and neither resident were expecting any visitors.
Olivia, who was on a phone call, covered the speaker and called out, "Noah will you get that?"
Pushing his body from the floor where he had been playing Noah made his way to the door. He hesitated unlocking the door, he wasn't tall enough to see through the peephole so, loud enough to be heard on the other side of the door, he asked, " who is it?"
Noah heard the sound of someone clearing their throat, "it's me," the visitor said, then realizing Noah couldn't see him and likely wouldn't recognize his voice began again, "it's R-"
He was cut off by the door being thrown forcefully open, "Rafa!"
The boy was practically buzzing with excitement. The next thing Rafael was aware of was the child's body climbing up his own. Instinctively Rafael's arms secured the boy to him. He dropped his head onto Noah's shoulder with eyes shut tight and savored this moment of genuine and unconditional love this beautiful little boy gifted him with.
With a deep breath Rafael spoke into Noah's shirtsleeve, "do you think it's okay if I come in? Momma won't mind?"
Even with Noah's welcome he wanted to be sure he would still be afforded entry to the home he'd had no contact with in weeks.
Noah's own head was resting against Rafael's shoulder, though his face was pushed into the man's neck, simply nodded but there was a smile glued in place that Rafael could feel against his skin.
Noah wasn't the only one to answer, however, accompanying the nod of approval Rafael also heard a kind of clogged up giggle, causing his head to shoot up while his eyes landed on the source of the noise.
Olivia, having heard Noah's excited shout, along with the door bouncing off the wall quickly ended her phone call without a thought. Immediately she made her way to the door and took in the sight of her son and best friend enjoying a well earned moment of tenderness.
"Rafa you're always welcome here, you know that," Liv spoke softly, through steady tears and a smile that struggled to stay put against the crying.
Still holding Noah Rafael began, "well, I, I um- I wasn't sure after, you know, everything…" he finished rather pathetically.
She shook her head beckoning him further into the apartment. With Noah still hanging onto him Rafael took shaky steps closer to his best friend. Olivia didn't move from her spot, simply waited for him to come to her. After he was fully inside Rafael nudged the door shut with his foot and finished his journey to the woman who stood by him through everything. The woman who brought color to his dull existence.
When he reached her Olivia threw her arms around him, pressing her body against Noah's. She let her face go to the same of Noah that Rafael kept his and allowed herself a couple of moments of silent contemplation while she catalogued the changes she noticed in his features.
The ever-present worry lines that marred his handsome features had smoothed out some, his eyes seemed brighter, happier maybe, and his skin was less sallow even a little tanned now that he was no longer chained to his desk. Olivia also noted the stubble of an incoming beard adorning his chin and cheeks, and a mustache along his upper lip. The part in his hair seemed less controlled, more of a flare to it than it had while he kept himself tightly wrapped in his lawyer's skin. Overall he looked better than he had in a long time.
"I missed you Rafa, I know you weren't gone too long but I missed you." She whispered, her breath fanning over his face in their close proximity.
Closing his eyes Rafa sighed like her words were his benediction. Upon opening his eyes again he held her gaze, "god I missed too, both of you."
Olivia released the two men from her hug and moved into the apartment further, beckoning Rafael to do this same. Without letting Noah go, which the boy seemed perfectly happy with, Rafael followed behind Olivia to find her settling herself on the couch. Shifting Noah to his hip Raf joined her. He wasn't sure if he should expect Noah to move or not but he stayed put. Sinking into the cushions of the couch Rafael also allowed himself to sink into Noah too and the warmth, comfort, and love the boy was showing him - head resting on his chest, face turned into his shirt and an arm slung around to his back. It was the best he had felt since this whole ordeal with Drew began. Barba reveled in it.
For some long moments the trio was still, quiet, filling themselves up with the presence of the others. Noah was the first to cut through the atmosphere.
"Rafa?" The boy asked not moving in the slightest.
"Hmm?" Rafael gave as his prompting for the boy to continue, arms still wrapped around his body, eyes closed but fully tuned into the question about to come his way.
"You're not gonna leave again are you?" The only movement from Noah this time came when his hand fisted the material of Rafael's shirt, as if it would keep him there.
Liv, who had been wondering the same thing turned her gaze to Rafael's face awaiting his answer.
For his part Raf attempted to pull back from Noah trying to make eye contact with him. Noah wasn't having it, interpreting any and all movement as a sign of departure, so he followed Rafa's body as it shifted.
Sighing gently Rafael instead dropped his head pushing his face into the soft curls of Noah's hair.
"No I'm not leaving anymore, I don't want to leave. Unless you want me to?" Rafael was suddenly hyper aware that this may be a possibility no matter how clingy Noah might be in the moment. He did leave after all and who knew exactly how the emotions and reactions of a child would play out.
Olivia sucked in a sharp breath, how could he think Noah wouldn't want him to stay, why would he think that? She kept quiet though, staying patient as her son worked through what he needed to.
"Please stay, I want you to stay." His voice sounded so small and Rafael's heart shattered in the knowledge that he caused this little ray of sun, this little boy to feel such a thing.
Raf's tears couldn't be stopped, no matter how ashamed he might feel of them, "I want me to stay too." He sniffed deeply clearing his throat of the tightness there, though he didn't bother wiping his cheeks.
The sentence didn't feel like the end of what he wanted to say however, there was something he was holding back.
"I-" he cleared his throat again, unable to rid the tight feeling this time. "I'm not leaving again, but, I, uhh…" he was fighting a losing battle with his tears.
Olivia cut in, "what is it Rafa?" She scooted closer to the two bodies on the other end of the couch, trapping Rafael's hand between both of hers. Moisture had begun gathering in her eyes at her friends tears and started to leak out at his hesitation.
"I don't know what I'm supposed to do. My apartment and my job are gone, all my things are in storage and I'm living in a motel."
Olivia understood now why he looked better than he did at the DA's but not quite his old self, not the man who sauntered into her life those many years ago. Yes he looked better but he was still healing, lost, and confused.
"There's nothing left, really, for me to offer either of you." He looked as if he might crumble under the weight of his statement.
"You're offering us yourself Rafa, what more is there?" She moved her hand so it was cradling his face, swiping her thumb beneath his eye, and watched as he fell to pieces.
His eyes went sharp, angry almost, "everything, there is everything more and I can't give you any of it."
The tears came in earnest, then the sobs and hiccuping breath. Noah and Olivia cried too, for Rafael, because they loved him and they felt his pain. It was cathartic sitting there, bodies pressed close and finally falling apart.
Gathering herself Liv swept her fingers through Rafa's hair as the tears slowed. Sleep had taken Noah in, with the excitement of reuniting with a longtime fixture of his life and crying for him too, and Rafael appeared to be following the same path.
"Close your eyes Rafa, we will be here when you wake up." Her voice worked like a soothing balm as his eyelids pulled fully shut and Rafael's head lolled to the side, heavy with sleep.
Keeping a close watch over her friend and her son Olivia slid back along to the opposite end of the couch deciding to follow each of them into a dream, hoping they could start to rebuild once everyone was awake again.
The next thing Olivia is aware of are the small hands of her son pushing against her hip, "Momma, Momma, wake up. Please."
The urgency in his voice caused Liv to pop up out of sleep in a rush.
Flustered, with her hair pushed up in strange directions, the wrinkles in her pullover left impressions on her cheek where she laid against it, Olivia located her son and noted the look of distress creasing his features. In full mom-mode Liv trained her focus solely on Noah.
"What is it sweet boy?" Liv kept her voice gentle not wanting to agitate the situation any, whatever the situation might be.
"I just woke up and Rafa isn't here," his face pinched in on itself, "I think he left."
Finally Olivia had full control of her senses and brain power and looked around the apartment, with no sign of Rafael. She deflated, he said he wasn't going to do this, that he wouldn't leave. Dropping her eyes Liv tried to work out what she would tell Noah, she caught sight of Rafael's phone and wallet on her coffee table. Beneath them was a note with his all too familiar script.
Liv & Noah,
I promise I didn't leave, Mamí texted me, she made me dinner. I asked her to bring it here for us. You both were still asleep and I couldn't wake you. Liv I hope you don't mind but I took your key so I could let myself back in. I will be back in shortly, I don't think Mamí was too far away.
Raf x
With a slightly crazed giggle Liv reaches for the note and turns back to her boy, "Rafa is still here baby, he went to get dinner, his mother is bringing it here for us. He left us a note, to let us know he would be coming right back."
Noah seems to perk right up when his mother tells him this, jumping up from his spot Noah makes his way to the back of the apartment, "I'm going to go wash my hands, then we can set the table okay Momma?" he calls over his shoulder in his race to the bathroom.
Shaking her head at her son's wildly shifting moods Olivia pulls herself from the couch and makes her way to the kitchen to wait for Noah's return.
It doesn't take long.
Bursting back into sight Noah slides his way over to Olivia, landing at her feet, "is his mom going to eat dinner with us too?"
Noah is staring up at Liv with a wide toothy grin of excitement, "I don't know, why don't we set a place for her just in case?"
She gets a nod and then Noah turns to the cabinets in order to begin setting the table. Noah goes in the direction of the plates so Olivia gets the utensils, not knowing what the meal would consist of Liv covers all her bases grabbing spoons, forks, and knives. Together Liv and Noah put out the plates and utensils before grabbing napkins and glasses to finish off each place setting.
"Anything else Noh?" Liv questioned.
Shaking his head so vigorously his whole body moves with it, "Nope I think it is perfect."
"I think you're right sweet boy, but I am going to get a pitcher of water, should I cut some lemon slices too?"
"Yes please," Noah says sweetly. "I'm going to clean my toys before Rafa gets back."
With that he's off. Liv thinks she should have Rafael over all the time if this is all it takes to get Noah to wash his hands, get excited for dinner, and clean up after himself without being asked. She thinks she should have him over all the time without those things.
It was another couple of minutes, while Noah was still clearing away his building toys, and Olivia had just put a small plate of lemon slices next to a clear pitcher of water set in the middle of the small table in the dining area, that the sound of a key turning the locks was heard. Head down, quietly and carefully Rafael stepped back into the home. His gaze moved quickly to the couch to check if the residents might still be sleeping, noticing they were not Rafael allowed himself to emit a normal level of sound. Stepping into the living room after removing his jacket and shoes Rafael dropped the keys into a dish on a table in the entryway.
Noah stood up to drop his toys into the toybox under the bench in the room when Raf's eyes found him, "wow that toybox is for more than just decoration now?"
From the kitchen Olivia narrowed her eyes at him shaking her finger, "quiet you, we are a very organized household, you just come here at inconvenient times."
Liv was glad to see a real smile lift his lips, he looked happy right then and she really hoped that with her help and his determination, not to mention to pure light that was Noah, they would be able to put Raf back together.
"I have dinner," Rafael supplied rather uselessly lifting the tupperware in his hands.
"I know, we got your note," Liv replied sweeping her hand in the table they had set.
Raf shook his head with amusement and strode his way to the table to set the food down, it was a stack of one large flat container with four smaller containers. The amount food within them could probably feed a family of five and Olivia was amazed that Lucia had made this all when she thought she was bringing it just Rafael alone.
"Your mom made this all for you?" The surprise was obvious in her tone.
A blush spread over his ears and cheeks, " well I let Mamí know where I was and she may have made more to compensate."
"Speaking of Mamí Barba, where is she? Will she be joining us? Noah and I set a place for her." Liv indicated the fourth place setting at the table.
Raf's eyes snapped to meet Olivia's, not expecting the invitation to be extended so readily, "oh - well, no she isn't coming up. I didn't want to overstep."
Shrugging Liv went about doling out portions for each plate, "well just make sure she knows she is welcome to join us next time."
By this point Noah had cleaned up all his toys and sat himself at the table ready to eat. Rafael, slightly stunned by the ease with which Noah and Olivia seemed to accept he and his mother, sank into the chair beside the boy. Once the offer settled into his mind a feeling he couldn't quite name seemed to solidify within him as Rafael realized that, no matter what, he had a home with his best friend and her son.
It didn't matter how broken or useless he may have felt they didn't see him that way, he was the same man as always. Noah had treated him no differently than normal as the night wore on, requesting his services as storyteller before his eyes slipped closed for the night. And once alone he and Liv sat with drinks in hand like it was any other night of their lives. Maybe this time they didn't talk about work but they sat and talked and joked and it was like it always had been.
As if reading his thoughts Liv turned to him and said, "I know things aren't going the way you want right now Rafa but I will do whatever it takes to make you believe in yourself again. I'm here for you, I need you to trust that."
Rafael took his friends hand in his, "I do trust that Liv, I trust you, with my life."
Liv smiled and squeezed his hand before dropping her head to his shoulder, "why don't we watch some HGTV like an old married couple before you have to leave and we can pretend everything will be easy for a little while."
Turning his head to look at his friend's Rafael smiled gently, "that sounds like heaven right now Liv."
Flipping through the channels Olivia found what she was looking for and the two of them settled down for a couple of hours of watching people buy or renovate homes that they would only be able to afford in their dreams before Rafael stood himself up and bid Olivia good night.
"Come back tomorrow, we can go out and enjoy the Spring weather and do nothing for a while and when Noah is in bed you and I can figure out what to do next."
Pulling her into a hug Raf accepted her plan and promised she and Noah would seem him tomorrow.
It was a beautiful Sunday in the park and they wore themselves out playing, and running, and laughing until lunch time when they went back to apartment to finish off the leftovers from dinner the night before. After lunch they played some board games with Noah and everything felt okay, it was light and simple and they all enjoyed themselves.
Once Noah was in bed Olivia stuck to her plan for the two of them figure out what to do next. Liv voiced her hesitance that she had felt in returning to work without him there, how it hadn't been easy and it didn't seem to be getting easier. She didn't know what to do, not without him there with her. She didn't tell him this to make him feel guilty, merely to assure him that she, too, had struggles with the changes taking place, and to show how much she needed him in her life. She made Rafael promise not to leave again, not to be without her or Noah for any extended lengths of time again.
For his part Rafael told Liv that he wasn't sure what to do with himself, he still wanted help the people that Olivia and he had helped when they worked together but he wasn't sure how. He wasn't sure they would want his help anymore. Olivia convinced him that they would, that he was among the best help she could think of for victims of abuse.
After hours of talking and research Raf had submitted his resume to several places, including a rape crisis center that could use someone with legal expertise to help victims navigate the system, a victim's advocate, and lobbyist on behalf of rape survivors organizations that was in search of someone with Rafael's qualifications who would also be able to speak to changes in laws in statutes that impact victims, perpetrators, and the way the criminal justice system dealt with them all.
All in all the night felt like a success for both Olivia and Rafael. While he was packing up his things to leave he said he would be in touch to make plans and keep her updated. She promised to tell him anytime she would be able to get a free moment to spend with him, including any free time she and Noah both had. With a lingering hug the pair went their separate ways thinking that things might actually work out this time.
A/N: I hope you enjoyed it, I would love it if you let me know what you think :)
