Hey guys this is a new story I'm trying out. Please let me know if you like it!

Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush.

"I don't know if I can do this much longer." Kendall whispered into the phone he clutched.

"Kendall, you need to stay strong. I know it's hard out there but you made this decision. You have to stick to it." Logan replied. In reality, he was yearning for his boyfriend to come home, but if Kendall knew that he would leave the army as quick as he could.

"I know, but I… I miss you." Kendall choked out. Logan's eyes filled with tears at the despair in his voice. "Every morning I wake up and you're not here. Every night I lay in bed, wishing I had someone to tell me everything will be okay." He took a deep breath. Logan squeezed his eyes shut, tears slipping out. "But it won't be okay. Every day, our troops are dying. Every day I'm getting closer and closer to death-"

"Stop it, Kendall." Logan interrupted. He couldn't stand how desperate Kendall sounded. "You need to think positive. I will not let you get hurt because you're too pre-occupied worrying. You need to clear your mind and focus."

He heard Kendall take a shaky breath.

"Plus, Carlos will be joining you tomorrow." He reminded the desolate boy.

"I think that's the only thing keeping me going." Kendall admitted.

"Keep your head up. Two more months, two short months, and you'll be home, wrapped in my arms."

''I love you so much Logan."

"I love you Kendall. Be safe." He heard a click and dropped the phone, curling in on himself. He wound his arms around his legs to keep himself from falling apart.

His broken sobs rocked his small frame. He wanted to pull himself together, but he couldn't even try.

What had gone wrong? Last year, everything was perfect. Big Time Rush was touring, everyone was happy. But then tragedy struck.

James' mom had been on her death bed, and she finally passed. James was devastated, and took a break for two weeks. But when he returned, he just wasn't as into it as before. James had been real close to his mom, she was the whole reason he started singing, years ago in boys choir. Right before she died, they had an argument, something stupid. James never forgave himself.

Then, Kendall's father got diagnosed with cancer. He took the news hard, even though his father had never been supportive of his career decision. He told him he wanted a son he could be proud of. That's why Kendall had joined the ranks. He wanted to prove to his father that he wasn't made up of songs and dance moves.

Carlos joined for the same reason. Although his father wasn't as harsh as Kendall's, the tough man basically threatened his son until he felt pressured enough to do it. Ever since his parents split, his dad was getting crazier. But if this made his father happy, then why not?

Now, Carlos is being relocated to Kendall's camp and James is moving in with Logan.

Two more months, Logan reminded himself bitterly, then everything will be back to normal.

He fell asleep like that, in the fetal position, tears streaming down his cheeks and onto the bed.


"Kendall!"

Green eyes searched for the source of his name. It was hard to tell the camo- clad army boys apart, but he focused on a head bobbing right toward him.

Recognizing Carlos, he ran forward to meet him. They slammed into each other, not a rare sight among the barracks. Out in isolation, any familiar face is a tremendous occasion.

"Kendall, it's so good to see you!" the Latino shouted, his ears covered by a thick helmet.

"I'm so glad you're here, Carlos." Kendall replied, tearing up.

Carlos backed away from the embrace, smiling up at him.

"Let's go get something to eat." He said.

They grabbed their rations and sat down in the cafeteria.

"How's James?" Kendall asked.

"He's doing better." Carlos replied. "And Logan?"

"He's…not taking it so well." Before Carlos could respond, Kendall continued. "You know, it's crazy that we're even here. Who cares about making our dad's proud? This was the worst decision I've ever made."

"Kendall-" Carlos said sympathetically.

"Come here." Kendall said, grabbing Carlos' arm and leading him to his bunk. There, de ducked under the bed and yanked out a cloth bag. He held it up silently.

Carlos stared. "I don't know what that is." He finally said.

Kendall sighed and pulled the bag open, dumping the contents on his sheet. Envelopes fluttered out, landing in disarray. Carlos picked one up, they were all opened. On the front was Kendall's name and the current service they were in, with a return address and name in the upper corner. He slipped out the letter, reading it quickly.

"Fan mail?"

"They care about us, Carlos. You know how many people would be destroyed if something happened to us?"

Carlos narrowed his eyes. "Kendall, you had time to think about that before-"

Kendall shook his head. "I didn't know it would be like this."

Carlos sighed. "But I did think about it. I knew the risks. I decided it was worth it. I don't care about pride."

Kendall laughed. "You think I care about pride?"

Carlos was about to reply but paused, feeling the tension in the air.

He spoke softly. "Do you see what this is doing to us?"

Kendall let out his breath, closing his eyes. "I know."

"Let's just take a breather." Carlos added, backing away. Kendall nodded and turned to the mess on his bed while Carlos returned to their abandoned food.

He didn't know Kendall was this bad. At his breaking point, he was worried Kendall would do something he would regret.

So kinda short, but don't worry it'll be longer as I get into it. Please review! (: