Disclaimer: I do not own Booth, Brennan, or any of the Bones cast.
Rating: Eh...G, PG, something like that.
Pairing: Erm...BB I guess.
Author's Note: This occurred to me the other day while I was watching The Woman in the Airport. It's sad-ish and I'm not sure if it's IC but I don't really care at this point. I had a frustrating day and took it out on this fic. For those who are reading LNS, I will probably update it tomorrow or Tuesday. Sorry about the delay. Also, anticipate a fic or two for Valentine's Day to be on the horizon.
Dedication: To Ems and the entire Trenton Girl's Volleyball team. You made me cry, but from happiness. Thanks bunches.
He watched as she stood by the tree, leaning against the gnarled bark and shadowed by the overhanging leaves. Pale strands of sunlight managed to worm their way through the dense leaves, highlighting her hair with red and gold streaks. She was smiling, eyes glittering with mirth and a laugh on her lips. He approached her slowly, watching as she lifted a hand, offering a wave to someone in front of her.
It was cool, the winter frost having finally left, spring fighting to take over. He smiled as he stopped next to her, following her line of sight to the old fashioned carousel that was ahead of them. The horses were a myriad of bright, obnoxious colors and he shook his head slightly as they bobbed up and down to the beat of the melody. The carousel made another turn and he felt himself smile as he saw his son sitting on a blue and white horse, waving at them both as the ride continued to circle at a moderate pace.
"I didn't expect you here," he said quietly.
"Yeah, well, it's Saturday morning," she replied with a shrug and a smile. "You're always here Saturday mornings."
He looked at her, watching the way her eyes drifted away from the carousel, taking in the families out for some early morning fun. She looked slightly faded and he reached out, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and she sighed, leaning against him for a moment, before stepping away as the ride drew to a close.
"You okay Bones?"
"Hm? Yeah, I'm great. Here comes Parker."
He grinned, turning back to face the carousel and the five-year-old bundle of energy that came flying at him. He grabbed the boy, swinging him up into a hug before turning his attention back to Brennan. She was smiling at them, head tilted to avoid the streaks of sunlight slanting through the leaves.
"Hey Parker, you remember Doctor Brennan, right?"
"Yes," he replied, smiling. "You waved at me on the carousel."
"Yes, I did," she agreed. She looked at Booth, eyes suddenly tired and he wondered what was wrong. "Hey, I'll, uh, I'll catch you both later, okay? Bye Parker, it was good seeing you again."
"Bye Doctor Brennan! Daddy, can we go see the ducks?"
"Yeah Parker. Bones, wait!" She paused, turning back to face him and he swallowed, suddenly unsure of why he had stopped her. "Why don't you come with us?"
"I don't want to intrude," she replied.
"We don't mind, do we Bud?"
"No. Come on Doctor Brennan. There's a nest there too. I'll show you!" Parker exclaimed. He wiggled and Booth set him down on the ground, smiling when Parker grabbed both his hand and Brennan's. She looked torn and he took a step closer, offering her a smile.
"Come on Bones, make his day?"
She nodded finally and Parker cheered, dragging them both down the path, talking non-stop about how school was and what they were doing in class the upcoming week. Booth smiled, glancing over every once in awhile at Brennan. She was smiling and seemed more animated than she had earlier, participating in Parker's rapid-fire description of kindergarten, even asking him a few questions.
They arrived in the meadow where the duck pond was and Parker ceased speaking almost immediately. It was cooler here, shady and out of the sun. An older couple was sitting on one of the benches, watching the reeds sway in the murky water close to shore and the paddle boats filled with laughing people further out.
Parker crept down to the edge of the shore, pointing at a spot amidst the reeds and gestured for the two adults to come closer. Nestled in the whispering stalks was a muddy nest where a duck sat preening, the top of an egg just visible under the right side. Brennan smiled and quietly led Parker away after a few minutes, before the duck could get spooked or annoyed.
"That was very nice," she told him as they made their way to another bench. "Did you find it all by yourself?"
"No," he replied. "Daddy showed me."
Brennan's smile widened as she saw the child's adoration for his father. She sank down onto the wooden bench, watching as Parker begged Booth into showing him yet again how to properly skip rocks. She glanced around, feeling truly peaceful, something she hadn't felt in a long time, smiling when she saw the older woman watching her.
"Look Doctor Brennan!" Parker cried, drawing her attention back to father and son. "I can do it now!" He picked up a rock and threw it out into the rippling water. It bounced twice before finally sinking into the water.
"Very good Parker! That's better than I could do. Mine always sink."
"I'll show you," he told her. He ran up the slight slope, dragging her down to the water's edge and positioning her next to his father. "Daddy taught me how to do it. We have to find real smooth, flat rocks," he instructed, crouching over the muddy soil and picking through the rocks. He picked one up, examining it, before holding it up to his father. "Will this one do Daddy?"
"Yeah, that'll do real well," Booth replied. He smiled, watching as Parker demonstrated the proper 'skipping stone' position to Brennan. She nodded, a serious expression on her face as she attempted to humor his son, and it hit him. He couldn't think of a better way to spend a Saturday morning than with the two of them.
"Did you have fun today?" he asked, breaking the stretch of silence that had encased them since they had arrived at her apartment. She nodded, running a hand through her hair which had come loose during the day at the park.
"Yes, I did," she murmured. She looked up at him. "Would you like something to drink?"
"I'm not sure I entirely trust your refrigerator."
She rolled her eyes but a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. "I'll get it then. What do you want? Water, coffee, soda, beer, tea?"
"A beer's fine," he answered. He followed her to the kitchen and leaned against the door frame, watching as she opened the fridge door, pulling out two bottles of beer. She turned back to him, a surprised look momentarily passing over her face when she saw him before she approached, handing him his.
"I really didn't want to intrude," she mumbled. "Thanks though, for asking me to stay. Parker's a great kid."
"Yeah, I thank God every day for him," Booth agreed. They returned to the couch and he watched as she popped the top off, taking a long draw from the bottle before setting it on the coffee table. "There was one thing that kept bothering me though."
"Oh?" she asked. She stared straight ahead, tucking her legs under her and he reached over, pressing a cold hand to her arm and smiling slightly when she jumped in surprise.
"Yeah. You're really good with kids Bones. Parker took right to you and he's usually shy around people he doesn't know that well."
"I know where this is going Booth and the answer is still no," she snapped. She leaned forward, tracing a finger through the condensation on the bottle and he sighed, leaning back.
"Why though? You're a natural. Why don't you want kids?"
"I think we've had this discussion before. The whole world, at least those who watch talk shows, know my reasons, it's hard to imagine that I haven't told you before."
"You say the world's a horrible place and how could anyone imagine bringing a child into it. It's because that child is your hope, your hope that they'll have a better life, that they'll make a difference. God Bones, I just don't...get it," he said finally, looking at her. "Didn't you ever want children? Even once in your life, before you saw all that you've seen, didn't you wish you could have one?"
She closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath and letting her head rest against the back of the couch. "Yes," she muttered finally. "At one point I did want children, I guess every one does at one point. That whole 'American Dream' or whatever." She broke off with a shrug and looked down at her hands. They were clasped, the knuckles turning white and red crescent moons stretched under her nails.
He set his own bottle down on the coffee table before closing the distance between them. She didn't look up when he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, rubbing her arm soothingly. "What happened?" he asked softly.
Her eyes met his and he was struck by the pain he saw in them. She blinked but didn't lose eye contact. "Promise me you won't tell anyone. No one knows."
"I promise."
She let out a long breath, leaning against him and he tightened his grip on her. "It was awhile ago. When I was still in college, still studying to be an anthropologist." She felt him nod and closed her eyes. "I was dating this guy, Aaron Summers, and I guess we were pretty involved. We'd been together two, maybe three years and he was one of the longest I'd been with. Anyway, we always talked about starting a family. He wanted the traditional life, stay-at-home wife and mother with a house in the suburbs with a white picket fence, two-point-five kids, I never understood how you could have half a child, and a dog."
"I can't see you wanting that. You love your career," he murmured.
"Yeah. That was the one thing we disagreed on." She sighed, giving her head a slight shake. "I was in a bad accident that year. Some guy had been trying to escape from the police and had ended up causing a car crash. Three of us were involved, and the suspect."
He loosened his grip when he felt her shift and he watched as she sat up, eyes meeting his. "I didn't feel hurt. I got out of the car and heard a child crying. She was six Booth. She died before they got her to the hospital because a piece of the car went through her."
"And that's why..."
"Yes and no," she whispered, letting her eyes drop to her lap. "I told you, I didn't feel hurt. I was though. They brought me to the hospital, I didn't even realize that my stomach and abdomen had been lacerated, I had been so intent on saving her." She shrugged, letting her head rest back on his shoulder. "I guess...well, I knew I wasn't really ready for kids, that I'd probably stink at being a mother."
"Bones?"
"I can't have kids Booth. The accident...the doctor who treated me said there was at best a twenty-five percent chance of conception, but that was with ideal conditions. I can't have them so I told everyone that I didn't want them." She pulled away from him, reaching for her beer and downing a healthy amount. "I guess somewhere along the way I convinced myself as well."
"Bones...Temperance," she looked up when he said her given name. "I'm sorry. I never would have...if I had known..."
She shook her head, giving him a weak smile. "There's nothing to be sorry about Booth. You didn't know, it's as simple as that. I never told anyone. I figured it was my business and no one else had to know."
"You shouldn't have kept it to yourself."
"Really?" she asked, lifting her eyes to his. "And who would I have told Booth? My parents left me when I was fifteen, I had no real friends close enough to tell when it happened."
"What about that guy? Aaron?"
"I transferred schools and didn't speak to him again."
"Ouch Bones, did you give him any kind of explanation before you left town?"
She shook her head slowly. "No. I knew how much a family meant to him..." she paused and wrapped her arms around herself. "I honestly don't know why I told you this. You probably didn't anticipate this, huh?"
She had drawn into herself, legs tucked up under her and arms wrapped tightly around herself, holding herself together it seemed. He watched her and silently agreed. No, he hadn't anticipated what the real reason behind her saying she didn't want kids was, but he found he didn't really care. He was happy she had opened up to him, had told him the real reason, even if he was upset with himself for pushing her and for suggesting how wonderful a mother she'd be when she wouldn't get the chance.
"It's twenty-five percent Bones, you can still try. You still have a twenty-five percent chance..."
She laughed quietly, dryly and he watched her shake her head, a single tear escaping and sliding down her cheek. "Come on Booth, can you honestly see me settled down with a child?" she asked.
"Yes, I can," he replied. "I can see you being a terrific mother and wife, maybe not the stay at home kind, but still...You can still make that childhood dream a reality."
She turned to him and he was once again struck by the pain in her eyes. "What makes you think I'd be such a good mother? I don't know the first thing about children, about pop culture, about anything that can't be found in a lab."
"Because I've seen you with the kids on our cases and I've seen how you act around Parker," he told her. "You still have a chance Bones."
"I know," she said finally. "I guess, I just don't want to set myself up for disappointment." He shook his head slowly, pulling her to him and wrapping his arms around her tightly, ignoring her startled protest. "Booth...?"
"Sh. Just relax and don't say anything."
"Booth, this is..."
"You're hurting, I know you are, don't deny it. Just...let me comfort you this once Bones?"
She let out a breath and curled against him. "Okay. Just this once."
