For I Have Sinned
by Gorgolo Chick
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been fourteen months since my last confession."
The Catholic ritual of Confession continued along prescribed lines until the man making his confession came to the part where he was to itemize specific sins that were weighing on his soul.
"This past week I committed the mortal sin of attempting to take my own life."
"And was this due to allowing yourself to indulge in the sin of despair?"
"Actually, no. I mean, I've indulged in despair plenty, but I deal with that by drinking. At the time I thought it was the only chance to save the lives of my team of thieves."
"And why did you believe putting your immortal soul at risk would save the lives of others, my son?"
"Because the son of a bitch who had their lives in his hands told me he'd let them go if I killed myself right then and there. And he handed me a gun to do it with, so I stuck it in my mouth and pulled the trigger. It jammed."
"And did this man of evil follow through with his threat?"
"No. Fortunately, the hitter of the team broke the ropes he was tied up with and took out the bastard's men."
"And what did your enemy do when this occurred?"
"Oh, he took off, but we'd already copped all his money, so we gave it back to the people he'd stolen it from."
"Did you consider taking this matter to the secular authorities?"
"No. He'd stolen it by perfectly legal means. Besides, like I told you, we're a bunch of thieves.
"Is that statement part of your confession, my son?"
"Not really. I don't believe what we do is truly a sin. But that thing with the gun has been fretting at my conscience, because when I was pulling the trigger I was actually kind of glad to do it." The man was silent for a long moment.
"I'm afraid this is one they hadn't covered before I dropped out of the seminary," he added thoughtfully.
"I see."
