I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
'Cause your presence still lingers here
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face, it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice, it chased away
All the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
There she was and the seat next to her was empty, empty! He quickly skirted around Alex Bazien and sat down on her left. "Hey," he said as if nothing had changed as if he'd just come back from the bathroom, not as if he hadn't so much as seen her in three years. Blair's periwinkle blue eyes looked at him filled with sorrow, regret, longing, loving and secrets. They sat their eyes interlocked for moments and then she broke the silence.
"Hey," she breathed barely audibly breaking their eye contact and distractedly looking away.
They sat in silence the whole way through the meal, occasionally glancing at each other but never making eye contact anyone watching would have thought nothing had changed in three years and that it was still the same "perfect couple" sitting together. And then it was over and people began milling around gossiping and laughing with each other, Blair politely excused herself from the chatter and headed off towards the cloakroom, Nate who had been watching her all evening from a distance, followed desperate not to lose her again. He stopped in the doorway of the cloakroom. He watched her gather her Philip Lim 3.1 trench coat. She turned and let out a sharp intake of breath. She was unaware that anyone followed her into the gloom.
"What do you want Nate?" She asked wearily.
"I want to know why you left me three years ago, why you didn't call? Why you didn't say goodbye. Why you didn't even tell me where you went?"
"I went to Italy." There was an awkward silence as Blair buckled her coat around her tiny waist. "I knew Nate, I'm not stupid." Blair said tears threatening to come to her eyes as she looked up, but she was stronger than this and she wouldn't cry.
"Vanessa?" Nate asked. Blair nodded. He walked over to her and took her hands in his. "You need to believe me, I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I want you to know that I've never stopped loving you."
"It hurt Nate all those promises about us finally being happily ever after and then…," Blair trailed off. He kissed her hands, she pulled away and he caught them again and without warning he pulled her close and pressed his lips against hers. She didn't protest, she opened her mouth and began exploring his as he savoured every moment of the deep passionate kiss. They both felt it. His hands began to roam up her back, caressing the flimsy Oscar de la Renta dress, exploring the creases and folds. She ran her hand around his collar as The Kiss slowed they both pulled away. She gazed into his eyes.
"It's still there," Nate said still holding onto her
"I need to go." She said the feeling of guilt rising within her once again, how could she forgive him when he didn't even know half of the reason she'd ran away? She hurried out of the room.
Nate turned and watched her leave. His heart panged sharply, why did she always do this? It was never just a straight answer with Blair but he presumed from the way she'd kissed him there was still a spark between them.
She hailed a cab on Lex and within moments she was in the Palace courtyard, crossing the foyer, and riding the lift up to her suite, her head was spinning. The Kiss, did it mean anything? It had felt so nice, she'd felt so safe and loved in Nate's arms, something she hadn't felt for a long time something which she'd half forgotten and wanted to feel again… with Nate.
The moment she opened the door she was greeted by wailing cries of her daughter who had evidently just woken up to find her Mommy had gone out and she had been left once again with the hotel babysitter. "Ah, Ms Waldorf!" The hotel babysitter came running from Annabelle's bedroom holding the wailing toddler in her arms, "she wants you," the babysitter said hurriedly passing the over-anxious toddler to Blair.
"Shh…" Blair soothed balancing Annabelle on her hip while she draped her coat over the nearest chair and lay her clutch on the night stand and the babysitter quickly made for the door, obviously mini-Waldorf's are just as demanding. The small girl buried her head in the crock of Blair's neck, her unruly mocha curls tickling Blair lightly.
"M-m-mommy!" she cried desperately clinging around Blair's neck. "Mommy went away," she cried as Blair wiped the little girl's tears.
"I'm sorry, I was bad," Blair said kissing her head and carrying her back through to her bed. Annabelle clung tightly to her neck making it impossible for Blair to get her back into bed.
"No," Annabelle whined, "Mommy's bed!" Blair sighed and resignedly tucked her up tight under the many layers of Palace bedcovers and kissed her forehead. "I love you Mommy," Annabelle called as Blair entered the bathroom. She stopped in the doorway.
"I love you too," and it was true, she did. I didn't matter how much Blair hadn't wanted her three years ago, the moment she was born Blair knew she'd done the right thing.
