Hey guys, I'm here to edit and extend this story. I read it over and figured out it was complete crack so I deleted it and am here to start it anew. I want this story to be humorous but actually have a plot, so here is the new and improved version of chapter 1, enjoy!
Also this is somewhat Au, as Naruto and Sakura dragged Sasuke's ass back after he banished the evil snake bastard to the cold recesses of hell and knocked some sense into him. He still has his cold protective personality, but as in my other stories he is also a little more open and out-going, at least with Naruto and Sakura.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry potter or Naruto, if I did, I would let everyone know that Voldemort is Michael Jackson and Orochimaru's love child.
Chapter 1: Mysterious Request
A bit of pale sunlight was annoying a woman sprawled out over tons of paper work. An empty bottle was on its side, slowly dripping dregs of the pale liquid it once held on various pieces of paper work. The woman was moaning slightly, a small cup nearly falling out of her hand as she held it precariously.
"So peaceful," she mumbled, long blonde hair tickling her neck as she stretched. "Better enjoy it before Naruto bursts in here again."
She dropped her head between her green clad arms, ample chest heaving slightly with each deep breath that preceded slumber.
Suddenly, the peace ended. A screech resounded through the air, clubbing away slumber instantly. She jumped up, tick mark fully formed on her forehead as something dashed through the window.
"NAR-" she was cut off by an owl ramming into her face. She spat out feathers and shooed it away, hearing the same screeching noise that startled her out of her sleep.
"You damn bird, waking me up," she cried batting at the bird in an attempt to hit it with her killer fist."What the hell was that for?!"
It screeched again, ruffling its snowy feathers before pecking at a pouch on his leg. She studied the carrying case, nearly the spitting image of the one used on ninja messenger falcons. She opened it, pulling out a folded piece of paper with a weight unfamiliar to the first female Hokage. As soon as she had taken it, the bird nodded to her and soared out the window once more.
"Hmm, " she clucked, checking the strange paper with her chakra, seeing if anything reacted. Her specialized energy deemed it safe, so she shrugged and opened the strange thing after finding a slit she could unfold. Within the strange folded piece of paper was another piece of it, this one simply folded similarly to a telegram.
"Who the hell wants to waste time folding crap like this?!" She finally finished opening the thing and found a language she had learned only recently, as being Hokage meant at least a rudimentary understanding of most languages and a pretty damn good understanding of the world's (for now) most popular language, English.
HOGWARTS SCHOOL of WITCHCRAFT and WIZARDRY
Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore
(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock,
Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards)
Madam Hokage,
My name is Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. I have an urgent matter to discuss. In the magical underworld of London, England a war has been brewing for the last 2 and a half decades. A man named Tom Riddle summoned a dark snakelike being and consumed it, becoming similar to that being and using his terrible power to wreak havoc and murder, nearly bringing our world to ruin.
A prophecy was made ,and shortly after, the chosen boy was born. He is currently attending my school as a fifth year, and seems to have a knack for getting into trouble along with his two close friends. (At this she snorted, thinking of a certain loudmouth who was soon to succeed her post.)But this year a strange man has appeared at the Dark lord's side, leaving nearly infinite pain and murder in his wake. He has been rumored to only answer to the lord, and is a major threat to the boy as he uses a strange form of magic. From what I know of your country, your magic is the same as his.
Because of this dilemma I have deduced that I need your help. If you would send some of your strongest young ninja, preferably ages 15 through 16, to aid us in this battle, I would pay a large sum. My price for this is 100,000 pounds or about 15,103,000 yen. This is the least I could do for your services. The school term begins on September the 1st, I will have an escort waiting at kings cross station on July the 26th if you choose to come.
Thank you for your time,
Albus Dumbledore
Albus Dumbledore
She sat back for a moment, contemplating the words of the man. 'An International mission, huh? To help end a war that decides the existence of an entire nation? I'll need an elite team, in case the strange ninja they have is S-class worthy, but they need to be in their mid teens.'
A light sparked in her eye, clearly indicating the light bulb had flashed on. She pressed the button to her right, speaking into the microphone clearly.
"Shizune?"
"Yes, Milady?"
"Get me Anbu squad Mercenary, now."
"Of course. They should arrive in a few minutes."
"Thanks."
She shut the machine off and settled down to wait.
A young woman danced down the road, holding groceries in her slim hands. Pink hair swished just beneath her chin in small waves. Her green eyes shone with contentment as she waved at villagers she knew before turning a corner.
She walked to the door of her little apartment, tossing the bags into the air and unlocking the door in time to catch them neatly. She cracked it open with her foot and slid inside.
The bags were soon plopped unceremoniously on the counter, emptied with a minute or so. All that the sacks contained was jerky, apples, tomatoes, and hair care products.
"Now, how the hell am I going to spend my time off work at the hospital?" She asked rhetorically, glancing around her cozy apartment.
"Collecting your team and reporting to Tsunade-sama? " Shizune suggested, popping up right in front of Sakura with Ton-Ton in her grasp. The girl already had a kunai at her friends throat, but it was quickly sheathed.
"Kami Shizune, don't scare me like that!" She reprimanded, then paused as the suggestion ran through her mind.
"Wait, by report to Tsunade do you mean-"
"Yes, you and your team are going out in the field again. I suggest you don your anbu gear before heading out."
"YES!" Sakura leapt into the air and cheered, before dashing into her room before emerging in full anbu armor including a crimson painted Lion mask. She was out of the window, no not the door the window, moments later.
She dashed along the rooftops, most people seeing nothing, and ninja seeing a black and pink blur for a split second. She veered to the southeast, heading for the barren but well-known Uchiha district.
As she entered the gates she slowed, gazing sorrowfully at the magnificent mansion. She strode in, checking the rooms in which her comrade usually dwelled, finding them all vacated. She sighed and walked outside again, turning to leave the district.
Suddenly a masculine body was pressed against her back, and hot breath was felt on her ear.
"Did you need something?" He asked, dark eyes trained on her.
She brightened and smiled blindingly. "We got a mission! Summons from Tsunade just a minute ago."
He smirked and let her go, vanishing and reappearing in gear similar to her own.
"Then let's go get the dobe," he replied.
She smiled mischievously, walking backwards in front of him, causing him to raise a brow.
She turned and walked beside him for a moment, then shouted, "Race you there!" and sped off.
"SAKURA!" He cried, chasing after the pink and black blur, ending up having to turn into a fully black one himself to catch up. He picked her up by the waist and tossed her back to the Uchiha compound, giving himself a lead.
"DAMN IT, SASUKE! GET BACK HERE YOU CHEATER!" She called holding up a glowing fist.
"HELL NO! YOU THINK I'M READY TO DIE YET?!" He replied still dashing away.
She placed her hands together and murmered, " Secret shinobi art: Transport!" She vanished in a puff of smoke and appeared a few hundred feet ahead of the prodigy.
She stuck her tongue out and dashed forward, the man in the raven mask hot on her heels. They were heading north again, back towards the Hokage monument. As soon as people were in sight, Sasuke lowered his mask to keep an image of indifference.
It was in sight, the meeting place where they would almost always find Naruto. They both sped to top speed, not even other anbu being able to see them in their haste. There was a click as they entered the establishment, a camera modified for their personal speeds going off automatically as they entered the establishment.
They stopped on a dime with practiced ease, turning to Ayame, the ramen makers daughter, for the results. She picked the film out of the camera and checked it, then skipped over to the scoreboard posted on the wall.
A single dash was made and she stepped back allowing the restaurant to see the current score.
Sakura :227
Sasuke :243
"Damn," Sasuke muttered while Sakura cheered at her victory.
They turned their attention to the blonde who had just finished his 37th bowl and was paying the cashier. "So," Naruto called, standing up and turning to them. "What's up!?" he asked excitedly, giving them a sunny smile.
"We got a mission!" Sakura declared, still high off her victory.
His eyes widened."Really!? I gotta go change, be right back!" he reappeared about half a minute later, shod in black armor and holding an orange fox mask in one hand. He fit it over his face and laughed.
"Let's go, Dattabayo!" he cried and all three dashed towards the Hokage tower.
Tsunade leaned further back in her seat, reaching out for a glimpse of the peaceful slumber stolen from her by that damned owl.
Just as she touched the thin veil of rest, she was once again wrenched out of it by a raging sound. Namely Konoha's-number-one-crazy-loudmouth-knucklehead-ni nja, Naruto Uzumaki.
"DAMN IT!" She cried, giving the boy a good hard punch.
She calmed down after realizing the punch had made a hole in her (new) wall.
"Anbu squad 007 elite. Team Mercenary reporting for instruction." Sasuke said stoically, putting on the full Anbu captain act.
"Raven, Fox, Lion, mission of undetermined rank. Anywhere from B-class to S-class. Duration 9-10 months. Official beginning 1st of September. Exiting village August 25. Main objective :defend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and a boy called Harry Potter age 15. Go under civilian guise. You will masquerade as students during the day, but will take turns patrolling the castle at night. Your summons will do during the day."
"Hai." the three replied bowing to her formally.
"Now," Tsunade drawled, lifting another bottle of saké to her lips and taking a swig . "Don't screw anything up, we're getting a shitload of money for this."
"How much do you mean by that Sensei?" Sakura asked, lifting up her mask to reveal the pale skin beneath it.
"15,103,000 yen."
"NANI?!" Naruto cried running up to her desk. "Who the hell would pay that much for a simple protection mission?"
She sniggered holding up the strange paper for him to see.
"Some crackpot named 'Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore'."
Naruto started sniggering too.
Sakura chuckled a bit.
Hell even Sasuke was stifling a short laugh!
"Who the hell names their kid that?" Naruto asked.
"Apparently, Mrs. Dumbledore did," Sasuke replied, the corner of his lip still trying to twitch upwards.
"Well Mrs. Dumbly was really freaking weird then."
By this time they had walked out of the Hokage's mansion and were strolling down the village streets, getting a wide berth around them from the villagers, likely due to their imposing uniforms.
"Well," Sakura chirped, stopping the boys in their tracks as they turned to look at her. "I'm gunna go pack, meet you guys at the gate in an hour?"
Naruto nodded cheerfully and Sasuke leaned down until his lips brushed her ear.
"We'll be waiting," he rumbled, sending a shiver down her spine. She smiled and bumped her head against his softy in return.
"Later!" she called before jumping to the roof of the nearest building and dashing away. The boys nodded to each other before vanishing themselves, preparing for the long mission ahead of them.
The sun was just beginning to dip under the blood colored horizon when the three sped from the village, each with a back pack and a duffel bag each. They were currently in their anbu garb for the 53 mile run ahead of them till they reached fire country's airport.
Easily avoiding the various booby traps in the forest of death, they arrived at the airport about 10 minutes later, and all three disappeared into the lavatories to change.
Sasuke emerged in dark blue high tops, black laces, that matched his sleeveless muscle shirt. With it he wore a pair of black cargo pants, taking full advantage of the many pockets to store a variety of weapons.
Naruto, obviously having a similar idea, had also opted for cargo pants, but had added a black tee with a wide orange strip and wore his normal black sandals. Tsunade's necklace gleamed proudly on his broad chest.
The only female of the group emerged in a 1 shouldered red shirt that ended a few inches above her belly button and a mid-fore arm length fishnet shirt that ended a few inches lower than the red shirt it rested beneath. Her favorite pair of short black shorts were donned as well, along with knee high 3 inch heeled leather boots.
She laughed at the awestruck faces of her team, allowing the senbon decorated earrings to flash in the glare of airport lights.
The main focus of their attention was her shoes, that made her nearly pec level with Naruto.
"Oh c'mon, I'm only 5'5. And that's with the shoes! Naruto you're, what, 6'1 and Sasuke's even taller! What is your problem with me wearing heels?!"
"I don't have a problem with it," The darker one said, lifting the small girl by her waist so she was eye to eye with him. "In fact, it is far easier to reach you this way."His lips brushed hers for a split second in a chaste kiss, making the girls face match her shirt as he replaced her on the ground.
"Dude seriously, don't do the mushy stuff in front of me, no matter who says what. I don't care how long you two have been swapping spit, just don't do it in front of me."
"Fuck off, Dobe" Sasuke muttered turning towards the nuisance.
"Teme."
"Dobe."
"Teme."
"Dobe."
"Teme."
"Bitch tits"
"Teme!"
"Nuisance."
"Tomato Fucker"
"Jackass"
"Guys!" Sakura called, effectively ending their argument.
"What?"
"Our flight's ready, let's go!" She called tossing each male their respective orange and blue bags, while hefting her green one over one shoulder.
The walked up to the plane, prepared to face the likely torturous 12 and a half hour flight.
So how do you feel about the new version so far? Good, bad, iffy? A little funny? Please review and tell me what you think!
