Once upon a time, in a land of magic and joy, there stood an amusement park.

Actually, scratch that.

The land of magic and joy WAS the amusement park. The rest was California. This park was made by and themed with the cartoons of one Mr. Walter Disney. Walter, or Walt, if you will, had a great vision. A vision of funny talking mice and his silly friends. So Walt set out to fulfill these dreams, and began a wonderful cartoon company. But soon, he expanded this company to a theme park, and what a park it was! Then, multi million dollar movies started flying out from every direction with such classics as Beauty and the Beast, Cinderella, and the not so classic but equally popular, Pirates of the Caribbean.

Then, things started getting even better, but more campy and generally annoying. With a new channel, shows such as That's So Raven, and DCOMs such as High School Musical, billions of dollars worth of merchandise, and valuable life lessons on a daily basis (I didn't know there were that many.) Disney managed to worm there way into the hearts of everyone, old and young, around the world.

And if you didn't know that, you live in a very small, very dark, very isolated cave with no contact to the outside world, and shouldn't (not to mention logically couldn't) be reading this.

But, seeing as how you are reading this (unless you aren't, in which case it doesn't really matter what I say so, I'll just assume all my readers are…well, reading), you've probably reached a point in you're reading in which you're wondering: "What is the point of all the pointless yapping you're doing?" See, as I am a rather big fan of Kingdom Hearts, I found there were many coherency issues riddled throughout the brilliant plot line and exciting game play. As such, I took to my room and put pencil to paper (actually, finger to keyboard, but…) and began writing this epic adventure of a parody.

So, If you are indeed reading this, and you are a fan of Kingdom Hearts, please join me as I attempt to the impossible: Actually complete a well written full parody of the entire Kingdom Hearts Series!

…And If you're not a Kingdom Hearts fan, you can stay, but you will have no clue what's going on.

Kingdom Hearts, Only Not

Chapter One: The Beginning…Unless you die

Thinking of you, wherever you are

We pray for copyright laws to end

And hope that our stories be reviewed by a friend

now I step forward to realize this wish

And who knows:

Making a parody of this game may not be so hard

Or maybe it's already been done

There are many Fan Fictions

But they share the same FanFiction(dot)net-

One FanFiction(dot)net, one Destiny

That made no sense

A boy falls. He falls down into the water with bubbles floating over him, faintly wondering why he's not drowning.

"I've been having…these weird thoughts lately…" He said, oblivious to the innuendo of that statement. "Like, is any of this for real…or not?"

Suddenly (after falling for a few more minutes) he was flashed onto a beach, where the sun was bright and the sea was bright blue. The boy looked out to the ocean to see his friend. He smiled and began to walk towards said friend (who for some reason was just kind of standing there.) but suddenly a huge wave began forming behind the boy. Se calmly turned around and put his hand out to his friend on land.

"Look out! There's a giant wave coming up right behind you!" He shouted, running out to the water, because getting both of them drowned was really going to help.

They were then both sucked in by the wave. Under the water the second boy put his hand out to the first again. He tried to reach for it (that's right, go deeper into the water! That should help!) but a strong currant that conveniently had no effect on his silver haired pal, pushed him up to the surface.

Above the water, it was suddenly sunset. He slowly floated up to the surface, but after reaching it, realized it was only waist deep.

Back on the land, Kairi was standing on the shore, staring blankly towards the ocean. Selphie had come by an hour and told her to go home before she caught death, but Kairi insisted that Sora and Riku had drowned and she had to wait for them to come back to life and resurface. Selphie then, being the good friend she was, went home to call the local insane asylum. But Kairi kept her hopes up and waited patently for her friends to come back. So you can imagine her joy when she saw Sora's spiky head pop out over the blue ocean. She shouted and called for him to come to her. Sora, who had by then forgotten all about his other friend, ran to her.

They had a short conversation about nothing in particular. Sora chuckled at there conversation and Kairi giggled. The two laughed and had themselves a fun little time.

But there fun little time was not to last.

Kairi stopped suddenly and looked towards the sky with a confused expression. Sora followed her gaze and saw something fall from the sky. Then suddenly, he fell into the ocean, which was really the sky! He looked up to Kairi who reached to help him, but was much to late. She cried for her loss.

However Sora was not very happy about this ether. But he continued to fall into the ocean/sky, until he was in the real ocean once again. He continued to fall until he reached the bottom, where it seemed not to be the ocean anymore. He took a step forward, and millions of Doves/Pigeons flew up into the ocean/sky. The boy gazed up in wonder.

"Whoa."

Suddenly a small white glob fell in front of him.

"Ewww…"

All the amazing graphics ended and everything got all low budget.

Walk forward…

"Hey! Who are you?!"

Do not be afraid. Walk forward and face your destiny. Can you do it?

"…Can I walk? Um, yeah."

Good. Move the joy stick forward slightly to walk, and harder to run.

Sora looked at his hands then back at the sky "What the what to WHAT?!"

The joy stick.

The boy looked up with a horrified expression.

Just walk.

Sora did as he was told and walked forward. He stopped at the center of the platform.

Good. And remember, jump by hitting the 'O' button.

"I know how to jump, thank you very much." He scoffed.

Suddenly three pedestals rose up. One held a sword, one held a staff, and one held a shield.

Choose wisely.

Being the Fourteen-Year-Old boy he was, naturally, he choose the sword.

The power of the warrior, is this the power you seek?

"I'm a teenage boy, what do you think I want?"

Very well. Choose what you wish to give up.

He walked over to the shield and picked it up, having some trouble jumping up.

Power of the guardian, is this the power you choose to give up?

"What am I supposed to do with a shield? How could I possibly fight with a shield?"

Well if you do give it up you will have horrible defense stats. Lets see you say 'shields are useless' when some crazy lady turns into a large dragon and you're best friend gets 'Neo from the Matrix' level fighting skills and tries to kill you.

"What are you talking about?"

Do you want the shield or not?

"Not really."

Your funeral.

The shield disappeared from out of his hands and proofed off to some unknown dimension. Then the platform shattered and Sora, along with the thousands of pieces of sharp, pointy glass. Magically, these pieces of glass did not cut Sora up into hundreds of tiny bite sized pieces causing his bloody and untimely demise. This is because, without Sora, the game lacks a plot, as well as a playable character. Then it's a movie. A boring one.

Great! You've gained the-

"OH MY GOD! AM I ALIVE?!"

You've gained the power to fight! Give it a try!

"ARE YOU CRAZY!? I COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED!" He said close to tears.

Close enough. Now there will be times when you'll need to fight…

Then six little buggy things came up from the ground. Sora smited them with his new sword of doom and little munny and health balls popped out…LIKE A PIÑATA!

Look out!

Then another creature popped up behind him. This one too, was smited.Sora was then sucked into a gooey darkness thing and later woke up on his back squirming like a dog having bad dream. Finally awakening from his nightmare, only to find it's one of those things where you think you're awake but you're still dreaming and on another platform with no princess in particular on it (yawn). The next bit is tedious so I'll speed it up for you. The strange voice informed him that opening the door was close and far, confusing him with an oxymoron. Sora was angered by this and tried to leave only to find the door was a hologram. After taking out his rage on various bits of furniture he decided he would play with the door only to find it was real and proceeded to open it.

Wait. First tell me more about your self.

He then jumped onto a tree-house where Tidus, Wakka, and Selphie were hanging out staring into nothing blankly. Sora then walked on over to Tidus.

"Tidus! Boy, am I glad to see you!"

"Hey Sora! What are you so afraid of?"

"Clowns."

Tidus raised an eye brow. "Um, really?"

"Yes."

"But you look like a…never mind. Wakka wants to talk to you."

"Um, okay…" He walked over to Wakka.

"Hey, Sora man! What do you want outta life?"

"To get married and have five children."

He laughed. "I'm not sure Kairi's going to be very happy about that! She'll loose her figure and, lets face it, that's all she's got going for her."

Sora frowned. "That's not nice."

"Well, Sora, I'm just a figment of you're imagination, so in reality, you're the one who said that."

Sora paused for a minute, thinking this over. "…No I'm not!"

"Hey Sora!" Called Selphie from the other side of the little tree house. Sora walked over.

"Hi Selphie."

"What's most important to you?"

"Friendship."

"Aww how sweet."

I see…

You are afraid of Clowns

You want to have five children

Friendship is most important to you.

Your journey begins at 8:34 AM

As long as the sun is shining, and you have a balanced breakfast

Everything should be fine

Unless you die.

"WHAT?!"

Just kidding

Then, Sora appeared back on another magical platform, where he saved his game progress and went up an amazing flight of stairs made of stain glass over an endless dark abyss. When he arrived on the last platform, he began slowly walking towards the light (for dramatic effect, of course.).

The closer you get to the light, the larger you're shadow becomes.

But don't be afraid

Then Sora's now very large shadow became the heartless monster known as 'Dark Side.' Once again Sora fought valiantly, and defeated the monster. Then a large shadow began sucking him up, as his muffled cries echoed throughout the dark abyss.

BuT dOn'T bE AfRaId

FoR yOu HaVe ThE mIgHtIeSt WeApOn Of ALL

You will be the one who opens the door

Unless you die

This would be the page break

Sora opened his very blue eyes only to see that he was on a beach. He sat up and gazed on to the horizon, but then yawned and laid back to go back to sleep on his snuggly sand-bed. Kairi, however, put her big head over him. Sora was alarmed by Kairi's big head, and jumped up.

"Sora, you lazy bum!"

"Gimmie a break Kairi…"

"Sora, don't you have a house with, I don't know, a bed?"

"Yeah, why?" He asked shaking his head to the left in an attempt to get the sand out of his ear.

She sighed. "Never mind…you're supposed to be working on the raft you know…"

"I'm sorry, but, I was in this strange place, and Wakka called you fat, and I was fighting an then, some big thing started swallowing me up! And…and…"

"Are you still dreaming?"

"No…It wasn't a dream…or was it…?" He sighed. "So, Kairi, what was you're home like, you know, where you grew up?"

She gave him a weird look. "Do you ever pay attention when I talk to you? I told you I don't remember."

"Well I just thought you may have remembered something…"

"Nope, nothing."

"You ever wish you could go back?"

"Sometimes, but, I like it here too. But it would be nice to see other worlds…"

"Yeah it would…"

"So then? What are we waiting for!?"

"Hey! Aren't you forgetting something?!" Shouted another boy with longish silver hair.

Sora thought for a minute. "Nope, can't think of anything."

"Ha ha, very funny. So I guess I'm the only one working on the raft!" He said tossing a log at Sora's head, nearly killing him. "And Kairi, you're just as lazy as he is!"

She giggled "So you noticed! Alright, we'll finish the raft together! I'll race you."

"HA! You?! Your legs are much to scrawny and your large head isn't aro-dynamic."

She glared at him. "Ware a normal pair of pants and get you're hair cut, then say that again." she spat , but then immediately cheered up. "Ready? GO!"

The three friends raced each other, with Kairi tagging along the back, giggling all the way. Little did the three know of the destiny they had in store. Little did they know…they were the main characters!

Kingdom Hearts, Only Not

This Chapter was last edited on 1/29

((A/N: Welcome to my new parody! This will be my second attempt at a Kingdom Hearts Parody. Now there are a few things you must keep in mind. This parody will be just as silly as the last. It will contain ludicrous and sometimes random material, but will also contain better, more observant, and more clever jokes. Secondly, at times some of the characters will act strange. They will act a bit out of character, but only to make a point. Other than that, they will remain relatively in character to the best I can manage them to be. Also I will have much better spelling from here on out…Or at least I'll try by very best. I would greatly appreciate a beta reader.

Now, to clear things up, this story will be exactly like the last, only way different. It will also be just like, no, IS Kingdom Hearts, only not. That help?

Also, originally, this first chapter was 17 pages long, so I cut it in half. Just though I'd mention that.

Now read. And if you like it, review. If you smile, favorite. and if this makes you laugh, alert. If you don't, I'll kill you, so no pressure.))