Shiro knew he was dreaming, he knew the dark room and the tight cuffs around his wrists holding him down weren't really there. But he also knew this was real too. This had happened to him, in that year that was hazy and hard to remember. He hated sleeping, the time when he was plagued by the worst of the things the Galra had done and made him do. But no matter how hard he tried to avoid it he would always eventually succumb to his body's need for rest. He wished he could have held off longer tonight, he wished with all his heart that he didn't have to relive this. Everything felt much too real, the itch of fur rubbing against his bare back, the breathy growling in his ear, the cold metal of the floor against his face as he lay limp beneath the glara commander. He knew in this dream of a memory there was no point fighting him, it just made things worse, more painful. He stared blankly into space as his body rocked with each thrust, a painfully familiar voice hissing to him.

"Mmm you like this my little champion, don't you~? Nng you're mine, and you love being claimed, don't you?"

Sendak taunted as he nipped his ear. Shiro didn't speak, he didn't want to respond to him, but then pain shot up his spine as long claws dug into his sides, the warmth of blood running down to pool under him.

"I asked you a question, slut"

The galra snarled as he ground his claws into him.

"Y-yes! Yes I-I love it Ma... M-Master"

Shiro gasped out quickly, barely holding back a sob, gasping in relief as he removed his claws and the pain faded into a dull throb. Sendak let out a sound suspiciously purr like, nuzzling his shoulder, lapping his tongue over the scar of where he'd bit down and claimed the human as his for all to see.

"There's my good pet... You'll always be mine, forever nng... Even if you somehow got away from me, you'll still be mine"

He growled, breath hot on Shiro's neck. Silent tears dripped down his face as Sendak sped up, the wet sounds and an occasional muffled whimper or sob from him filling the room.

"I'm going to make sure of that, mmm, I'm gonna fill you up, make you my breeding bitch~"

Sendak purred as he nipped at his skin, Shiro biting his lip hard enough to bleed as the galra fucked him harder and faster, struggling not to cry out or beg for mercy. It was humiliating how helpless he was to stop this, the pain, the way he was violating him. He was broken, in one fell swoop Sendak had taken both his virginity and his dignity, he would never recover from this. He pressed his forehead into the floor as he shook with repressed sobs, able to tell from the increasing speed and the caption's heavy breathy it was close to being over. Sendak gave a few more hard thrusts before burying all the way in him, the human letting out a pained groan as his burning hot seed filled him and then...

And then Shiro woke up. He was laying on his back, staring up at the clinging as he shook, breathing hard. He sat up and pulled his knees to his chest, running his hands through his short-cropped hair. His face was wet with tears, skin prickling with the ghost memory of Sendak's hands on him, of him inside him... He struggled to try and get his breathing back under control, slow his heart rate. He was safe, he was in the castle and Sendak was out floating somewhere in the cold emptiness of space. He was fine, he was perfectly fine, he... Oh god, he was going to throw up. Shiro quickly scrambled up out of bed with a hand clamped over his mouth and out of his room, hurrying down the hall towards the bathroom. But there was no way he could have made it in time, falling down onto his knees in the middle of the hall and reaching, coughing up his dinner onto the floor.

In his daze he heard a door slide open behind him and then a few seconds later the feeling of a hand gently touching his shoulder made him jump and look up. Shiro relaxed as he saw it was only Keith, he must have woken him. Then he noticed Keith was looking at him alarmed and realized what a mess he must look right now, tears still running down his pale face and bile dripping from his mouth. He quickly looked away and tried to wipe the mess off. He wasn't supposed to be seen like this, he was their leader, he couldn't let his team know how much the galra had broken him.

"Shiro-"

Keith started but he cut him off

"I-I'm fine Keith, I just... It's nothing, just a stomach bug"

He muttered vaguely, too shaken to think of a good excuse. The younger frowned with worry, always seeming to be able to read Shiro better than anyone else

"No, you're not fine. Let me take you to the med bay"

He insisted as he went to pull Shiro up but he shrugged him off

"I'm fine, I just need some water"

He said and then glanced with a grimace at the mess he'd made on the hall floor

"But first I need to clean this up"

Shiro grumbled as he pushed himself up, swaying on his feet. Keith was frowning at him as he stood as well, big dark blue eyes full of concern.

"I'll clean it up, don't worry about it"

He said, Shiro opening his mouth to argue but the younger quickly cut him off

"Listen if you're not going to let me take you to the med bay then you should go get some water and rest, I'll take care of this"

Keith said stubbornly as he looked up at him. The black paladin sighed and let his shoulders slump, knowing there was no changing his mind.

"Fine, fine. But go back to bed as soon as you're done, you need your rest more than me"

He muttered tiredly and then his gaze softened a bit as he looked down at him

"Thank you, Keith"

He said, ducking his head to press a swift kiss to his cheek before straightening up and walking past him, leaving the other paladin blushing as bright red as his lion.

Once Shiro had drunk down three pouches of water he felt a little better, leaning on the counter in the kitchen. Even though he'd told Keith he would rest there was no way in hell he was going to sleep again until his body forced him to. It was still late, by his internal clock anyway, seeing as time was pretty meaningless in space. He supposed he should have some breakfast though since he was up now, but his stomach was still churning a bit so food probably wasn't a good idea. Training it was then. As always. Training was his go to thing now, it let him zone out, not think as he worked his body. Before, when he'd just been a normal guy on earth, he never was one to work his body so hard. Sure he stayed in shape but never pushed himself like he did now. But his limits were much different now, before a three-hour workout would have had him passed out on the floor by the end of it but now it was just a warm up. He knew it was his year in the arena and the other things the galra had done to him pushed him in new ways. He tried not to think too hard about it.

Shiro zoned out so much he wasn't sure how long he'd been in the training room when Hunk and Pidge came in, Hunk carrying Pidge piggyback style, the smaller paladin's arms wrapped idly around his shoulders and their chin rested on top of his head. Pidge frown as they saw Shiro, calling out to him

"Hey Keith said you were sick, should you really be training right now?"

They asked with concern. Shiro just sighed as he continued doing one handed push ups, cyborg arm held behind his back, pointless to work it when there were no muscles in it.

"I'm perfectly fine, it was just a stomach bug"

He said, doing a few more before lowering down onto his stomach and then rolling over, sitting up to look at them.

"Still, how long have you been in here?"

Hunk inquired, looking just as concerned with his big puppy dog eyes.

"Not long"

He lied, standing and stretching before walking over to two.

"Really? Cause uh you're still where your pjs"

The younger man muttered, eyeing the sleeveless white t-shirt and sweat pants. Shiro blinked and blushed a little, he hadn't even noticed

"Ah.. I suppose I am"

That seemed to worry Hunk more but Pidge giggled a bit, reaching out and poking Shiro in the stomach. He jumped in surprise and blushed even more

"Awww, I didn't notice it in your suit but you're getting a bit of a tummy now"

They teased, sticking their tongue out at him.

"Hey it's not my fault Hunk is such a good cook"

He huffed back a bit defensively as he crossed his arms, a little embarrassed

"I never said it was a bad thing. I think it's cute~"

Pidge said, taking advantage of being held up by Hunk to run a hand through Shiro's hair, who relaxed instinctively at their touch. They leaned forward and gave Shiro a little peck on the lips, smiling at him.

"I gotta agree with Pidge, you'd be cute with some pudge. Maybe I outta start making extra food for you"

Hunk said, idly poking Shiro's stomach as well

"Well I already ate, maybe at lunch"

He lied, the idea of food still making his stomach churn

"You two get training, I'm going to go hit the showers"

Shiro said, returning the kiss Pidge had given him and then pressed one to Hunk's lips before straightening and walking towards the bathroom. Once he was in the bathroom he looked down at his own body, frowning a bit. He hadn't really noticed the extra weight, so much about his body was different now. But Pidge was right, there was a bit of pudge in his stomach, more than when they'd become paladins a month ago. As he stripped off his clothes and turned the shower on he wondered how he hadn't noticed it earlier. Well, he hadn't really wanted to look at his body since escaping the glara. It didn't feel like his body anymore, more muscular and covered in scars, many of which he didn't remember getting. His back was nothing but scar tissue, thin lines crossing each other, so many they lumped together in a mass. Those were the only ones he liked because he knew they'd come from a whip. And with how many there were it comforted him to know how much he must have fought.

Others... Others made him feel sick to his stomach all over again. As he stepped under the spray of water his eyes drifted over to the large bite mark on his shoulder, on his mind thanks to the most recent nightmare. He wished he didn't remember how he'd gotten that one. If he didn't he would have assumed it was another one from the arena. But no, now he'd remembered he couldn't get it out of his head. It was a claiming mark, claiming him as Sendak's. He'd been his toy, his favorite little pet. It was disgusting, and shame and guilt burned in him at just the thought of the galra commander. Shiro had been broken by him like none of the other glara could, bent him and made him obey his will, beg and scream. He shuddered and shut his eyes, ducking his head under the shower spray. Stupid Glara, stupid body that didn't feel like his, stupid Sendak floating around in space yet still managing to fuck with his head. He hated being like this, fucked up and broken. He felt bad for his lovers, not able to truly give himself to any of them, too scared to share how scarred he was.

Shiro stayed in the shower until the hot water ran out, avoiding looking at his body anymore as he dried off and pulled on his normal clothes. His stomach had finally settled a bit so he decided to head into the kitchen, knowing he needed to eat something. He was surprised to find Lance and Coran there, the altean trying to convince the poor boy to eat some of the nasty old fashion food he loved to make. He let out a huff of a laugh as he walked over to the table

"Come on, just one little bite and you'll be fighting like a real paladin in no time~!"

Coran was insisting as he held a spoonful of some gross squirming thing in Lance's face, who was leaning so far back he looked ready to fall over.

"There is no way in hell I'm putting that in mouth"

Lance huffed back, face scrunched in disgust. Shiro pulled out a chair and sat down next to Lance

"Stop torturing my team Coran, humans don't eat the same stuff as alteans"

He said with some amusement, Lance looking up and grinning at him

"Oh thank god Shiro, my hero in shining armor"

The younger paladin said dramatically as he draped himself over him, head tossed back and arm over his forehead in a perfect swooning princess pose. Shiro huffed and rolled his eyes, ruffling Lance's hair.

"Not totally, seeing as you should be training or better yet bonding with your lion"

He said and the younger groaned dropping his head on Shiro's shoulder

"Nooo don't make me work"

The blue paladin pouted. Shiro wasn't totally serious, Lance could do as he pleased for the time being, especially as now his attention shifted to the food Coran had made. It was gross looking as ever but it actually... Smelled good? That was odd, he was fairly sure Coran had made this dish before but it hadn't smelled good at all. He glanced up at the altean, who was looking grouchy at his food being rejected once again.

"Hey Coran, what is this stuff anyway?"

He asked, the older peaking up at his interest

"It's an old fashion altean recipe, the real good stuff! Packed full of proteins and iron, great staple for all hard workers and fighters!"

He said with his usual high energy. Shiro hummed and picked up a spoon, scooping some of the squirming dish up and bringing it to his face to give it a sniff. It still smelled really good despite how gross it looked and before he could think too much about it he put it in his mouth. To his surprise it tasted as good as it smelled and he let out a satisfied hum as he swallowed it down before reaching to take another spoonful. Then he realized Lance had sat up and was staring at him with his jaw hanging open in shock.

"What?"

He asked through another mouthful of the alien food.

"What do you mean what!? You're the one eating that disgusting slimy stuff!"

The younger yelped, as dramatically as ever

"It's not that bad, actually pretty good"

He shrugged as he kept eating it, Coran looking delighted that someone was enjoying his food as Lance gagged exaggeratedly.

"I can't believe you're eating that after being sick earlier"

He said as he scrunched up his face

"It was only a little stomach bug, not a big deal at all. I can't believe Keith felt the need to tell all of you"

Shiro grumbled back as he kept eating the strange dish

"Well duh of crouse he did, we're a team, not to mention dating. Secrets aren't good or easy to keep when we're all so close"

The younger said as he leaned back and laid his legs in Shiro's lap casually. He felt a pit of dread in his stomach at those words, mind imminently flying to all the things he was hiding from them, but he quickly shoved more food in his mouth to distract himself. In that manner he finished the dish in minutes, sighing as he dropped the spoon in the empty bowl

"Maybe you're right, I'm going to go back to my room and rest"

He said as he pushed Lance's legs off his lap and stood up. He still didn't want to sleep, but he did feel worn out, and really wanted to be alone at the moment. He loved all of them but being around them right now was just making guilt weigh heavy on him.

"Mmkay, hope ya feel better soon"

Lance shrugged, grabbing him by the collar and pulling him down into a soft kiss for a moment before giving him a light smack on the ass as he turned to leave.

"Watch it, or you'll be training for the next two hours"

Shiro said over his shoulder in a teasing tone, Lance just sticking his tongue out at him as he left the room. The grin faded from his face once in the hall, the full exustion from lack of sleep, being ill, and training hard hitting him all at once. He pinched the bridge of his scarred nose, rubbing it tiredly as he trudged back towards the room. Maybe he'd just lay down for a minute, no sleeping though, he was going to fight that need off as long as he could. He felt lucky not to run into any of the others in the hall but then he turned the corner and saw Keith waiting for him outside his door, a brooding look on his face. Shiro's steps slowed for a moment before moving forward to meet him, too late to turn around now the red paladin had seen him. He walked up to him and stopped, letting the younger speak first

"... Pidge told me you were in the training room, in your pajamas."

Keith said as he frowned up at him

"Of crouse they did"

Shiro sighed tiredly, feeling a headache coming on

"You didn't go back to bed after you got sick, did you?"

He asked accusingly but the older just shrugged

"I wasn't tired"

He muttered as Keith glared up at him angrily

"Shiro you're pushing yourself way too much, its ok to take a break and let yourself rest you know"

The red paladin huffed but there was a softness in his tone, taking both Shiro's hands in his own, rubbing his thumb over his real human hand. He couldn't help the way his body relaxed at Keith's touch, leaning forward a bit, so starved for affection, even though he knew he didn't deserve any.

"I can take care of myself Keith"

He grumbling, earning himself an eye roll

"I know that, all of us do. But there's nothing wrong with letting us take care of you sometimes."

Keith said softly, reaching up and rubbing his palm over the older's cheek, who practically melted into his hands despite trying to remain firm.

"We're aren't in the Garrison anymore, you don't have to put up such a stiff front all the time"

He muttered, running his fingers through his short-cropped hair and up to the longer tuff before wrapping his hand around the back of his head and pulling Shiro down into a soft kiss. He decided not to bother arguing at the moment and just enjoy the feeling of Keith's lips against his, humming as he kissed him back. It started off slow and soft but the longer it went on the more intense it became, Keith pressing him back against the wall as he nipped at his lower lip before soothing it by lapping it with his tongue. Shiro let out a soft groan as his hands slide down the smaller's body, coming to rest on his ass as Keith tugged a bit at his hair. When they pulled apart Shiro was panting a little, giving a pleased hum as Keith pressed kisses down his neck, sliding a knee between his legs. He tilted his head back to give him more access and closed his eyes, focusing on the feeling of the other paladin's hands and mouth on him. Maybe this was just what he needed, to give in and let go for just a bit, it definitely felt good.

Real good, right up until Keith nuzzled the side of his neck before opening his mouth and nipped at his shoulder, right over that old claiming scar. Shiro reacted completely on instinct, jerking back and shoving Keith off as an animalistic growl tore from him. He didn't even realize what he'd done until he blinked and realized Keith was on the floor, looking up at him with surprise and worry

"S-Sorry, fuck, I'm sorry Keith, I've just been jumpier than usual today"

He stuttered quickly as he helped him back up to his feet

"No no, Shiro I'm sorry, I shouldn't of- It's my fault"

Keith said as he rubbed his side to sooth the ache of hitting the ground

"I wasn't thinking, are you alright?"

He asked as he looked up at him with concern, making Shiro's chest ache. He's the one who should be apologizing, he attacked him just because he couldn't handle a little love bite. He ducked his head, not able to meet Keith's eyes with the heavy guilt in his chest

"I.. I'll be fine... I think I'm just going to lay down, some rest might calm me down"

He muttered quietly. He didn't need to look up to know the younger was looking at him worriedly, not wanting to see that look on Keith's face right now, knowing it would just make his guilt worse.

"... If you're sure..."

Keith muttered after a beat, the concern for him painfully clear in his voice

"One of us will come check in on you later, alright?"

Shiro just nodded, eager to be alone, turning and walking into his room, leaving Keith alone in the hall. Once safely in his own room he let out a shaky breath and leaned back against the closed door, burying his face in his hands. Why did he have to be so weak, he wanted to give himself to his lovers so badly, but every time he tried he froze up, stalled, lashed out in a knee jerk reaction as his body remembered a past trauma he did not. They all deserved better, a better leader, a better boyfriend... He groaned in frustration as he pushed himself up and flopped down on his bed, giving an angry punch to his pillow, sending it flying across the room. He just wanted to be normal again, why was this so hard. He was free from the galra yet felt just as trapped as ever. Shiro rolled over onto his back, wondering if he could slip back into the training without any of them noticing. A good work over of his body would really make him feel better, get him out of his head. But his body screamed at him in protest at the mere thought of moving. He tried to think of something he could do to distract himself and keep him awake even as his eyelids grew heavier and heavier. It couldn't hurt just to rest his eyes for one little moment...

Shiro jerked against the straps holding him down as he felt claws dragging up his bare thighs, snarling at the galra in rage as he instinctively tried to close his legs. But there was no point, he couldn't move an inch, theses strange glowing bonds had no give, and there were so many he couldn't even move his head. The only movement he had was clenching his fists and his eyes darting around to keep the galra commander in his sight. Sendak let out a rumbling laugh as he strolled around the table he was strapped down on, tracing his claws teasingly over his naked body.

"Hmm there's still a lot of fight left in you champion... Good, that'll make crushing it out of you all the more enjoyble~"

He purred, smirking down at him. Shiro glared back, gritting his teeth as he kept struggling, snapping at his hand when it got too close to his face.

"Fuck off"

He hissed but all it got him was a swift smack across the face, leaving him gasping and ears ringing.

"I think taking that pride of yours down a notch will be a good start, remind you of your place"

Sendak said casually moving out of his line of sight for a brief moment, Shiro twisted as he tried to keep his eyes on him, hearing the clink of a glass container as the galra commander returned with a small vial in his hands. He forced his thick finger's into Shiro's mouth, making him gag and struggle to bite down as his tormentor poured the thick sweet tasting contents of the vial down his throat. He removed his fingers and imminently slammed his hand over the human's mouth to keep him from spitting it out. Shiro had no fucking clue what was just forced into his mouth but he knew it couldn't be good, glaring up at Sendak definitely, refusing to swallow until he pinched his nose shut too, cutting off his air. He tried to struggle for a minute, holding out as long as he could before swallowing the thick sap like stuff down. He gasped for breath as Sendak pulled his hands back, panting as he glared at him.

For a few seconds he was perfectly fine, but then he felt an odd warmth that grew until it was a fire in his stomach, skin burning with it. The horror of what the drug did hit him as his body started to react, cock growing hard against his will. He glared up at Sendak with more fear than rage this time, desperately trying to jerk away as he reached his hand towards him. He didn't want this, he didn't want it to feel good. It was humiliating enough already but if the glara forced him to feel good during it he wasn't sure he could handle it. Shiro let out a choked sound as Sendak wrapped his hand around his cock, gentle, too gentle, why couldn't he just take him rough and hard and get it over with?

"S-stop! Stop let me go!"

He snapped at him, screwing his eyes shut as he desperately tried to pull away. Sendak just gave him an amused look as he continued to stroke him slow and soft, leaning in to growl in his ear

"This body isn't yours anymore, it's mine, and it always will be~ No one will ever be able to touch you like this without you thinking of me again, not even yourself"

He practically purred as Shiro shook and jerked against the straps, before Sendak opened his mouth and bit down into his shoulder, fangs digging deep down to the bone, making Shiro scream, and scream, and keep screaming until he jerked awake and fell out of his bed, smacking his head against the floor.

Shiro didn't try to sit back up, curling tight into a ball as his body shook, tears flowing down his face. Sendak was right, he was free and Sendak was gone but he still couldn't reclaim his own body. He couldn't stand to look at himself longer than a few seconds, and despite his body's natural urges he hadn't been able to touch himself let alone let the others touch him like that. He let out a choked sob, grabbing fist fulls of his own hair. This wasn't fucking fair, he just wanted to be free, why was it so hard? He couldn't dwell on it longer because his stomach was turning again and he quickly had to scramble up, not bothering to try and make it to the bathroom this time, grabbing the nearest trashcan and puking his guts out into it. He leaned against the wall once his body was finally done purging itself, gasping and sobbing, shaking and covered in a cold sweat, too weak to move.

He wasn't sure how long he lay there quietly crying until he felt the soft presence of the Black lion in his head, opening his eyes a bit in surprise. He knew she could reach him from anywhere but normally he only felt her when they were bounding or he was piloting her.

"You're hurting, my paladin. Why do you not seek help?"

Her smooth, not quite a voice, echoed in his head

"I'm fine, just a stomach bug"

He muttered aloud, still dazed.

"You can not lie to me"

She tsked, and he knew it to be true. The bound between lion and paladin was like nothing else in the universe

"I... It was just a bad dream... Shook me is all"

Shiro said as he closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the wall

"This is the second occurrence in only one cycle. You may not be able to sense it or simply not admit it, but something is wrong"

Black hummed unhappily, the worry clear in her tone

"Go to the healing room, our pride can not function if one of us is ill"

She insisted, a firmness in her tone that reminded Shiro of the way commanders spoke in the Garrison. He sighed and slumped against the wall, knowing she was right. If he didn't take care of himself then his team would suffer for it, he would drag the rest of them down with him.

"... Ok, fine alright I'll go, but it's probably just going to confirm that its a stomach bug"

He said in defeat as he pushed himself up onto weak legs. She purred happily and a soft warm feeling enveloped him for a moment before she faded from his mind, but he knew she was still keeping her eyes on him, watching to make sure her paladin would be alright.

Shiro was relieved to see Coran already there when he entered the med bay. He didn't want to seek out one of his team to scan him, knowing he'd just make them worry. Coran looked up and smiled at him

"Ah hello Shiro, I was just double checking the cryo replenishers are properly calibrated"

He said idly fiddling with the control panel as Shiro walked over to him

"It all is working just fine, seems the system is clear of those bugs Sendak brought on board"

He said, the paladin stiffening at the sound of that name but quickly pushed it down

"That's good, do you have a se- tick? The team's worried because I've been feeling a little sick lately. I'm sure its just a stomach bug but I think it would calm them down if I got a quick scan to make sure"

He explained and the altean nodded

"Righto, that's easy peasy. Just stand right there a few ticks"

Coran said as he pointed to a spot a few feet in front of the control panel, which Shiro walked over and stood stiffly as Coran pressed a few buttons and a bright light scanned over him, only relaxing when it was done. He stayed standing there as he watched Coran press some more buttons and look over the results of the scan. He was already starting to space out, thinking of going back to the training room, so sure the results would be nothing but a stomach bug he wasn't really that focused in the moment. He only snapped back out of it when he heard Coran make a worried hum and looked up to see him frowning as he looked down at the control panel

"Oh.. Oh dear"

He muttered mostly to himself, sending Shiro into an alert panic. Oh god what if he got some deadly alien illness, what would the team do without him, would they be able to find someone else to pilot the black lion?

"What? What is it?"

He asked urgently and Coran looked up at him, tugging at his collar awkwardly, not meeting his eyes

"Erh well I'm not quite sure how else to word this but well... You're pregnant"