January 12, 2005
OOF, My Clavicle!
Author's Note: (it's a long 'un)
I'm not a mean person, so I will give you plenty of warning…. This fic is ridiculous and stupid. I'm telling you now because I don't want flamers telling me how ridiculous and stupid it is. We already know. In fact, we created it specifically to be ridiculous and stupid. So if you all think that this fic is, indeed, ridiculous and stupid, then our job is done. Also, this fic is written in script form. That means there are no dialogue marks like these "" and their actions should have - - around them. One last note… We wrote this in fifth grade. That's SIX, count 'em SIX years ago. We were young and naïve of the ways of grammar.
Disclaimer:
Okay everyone, I totally own Digimon and everything and that's why I'm writing this fic instead of coming up with some sort of TV program... Yeah right. I don't own anything, so no one can sue me. HA!
OOF, My Clavicle!
ACT I
Written by the most talented TG and her friend Cyber Rose!
Kari is running through the digital world towards Myotismon's castle being chased by an unknown being. She stops shortly to send a distress email to TK, Ken, Yolei, Davis, and Cody.
Kari's Email: I saw sumthin nasty in my bedroom! Btw, I'm being chased by the Deathly Horrifying Creature from the Blackish Lagoon Nearby. HELP!
Kari: -stops momentarily to pant at a lovely picture hanging offstage of TK in his basketball boxer shorts. The manager sighs and yanks it off the wall, causing Kari to mutter a few choice words before continuing to run. She promptly trips.- Must... Warn... Others! -faints-
SOMEWHERE ELSE IN THE WOODS
TK, Yolei, Ken, Davis, and Cody all receive the email while searching the digital world for a computer to get home.
Ken: What did the email say? Wormon ate my D-terminal... And my Batman underwear... But he made me new ones that look like Spiderman!
TK: -is a little freaked out by Ken- I don't think I really wanted to know that. Look at my D-terminal.
Ken: Okay... She saw something nasty in her bedroom? Do you think it was Davis?
TK and Ken snicker.
Davis: -mutters a few choice cuss words- Ken, you traitor!
TK and Ken whistle and look at their shoes.
Davis didn't look where he was walking and trips over an undetermined mass of something on the ground.
Kari: -mutters a few choice cuss words- Watch where you trip, Bigfoot! -mumbles incomprehensible words and pulls herself up off the ground-
Yolei: Ey vey! -smacks hand on face-
TK: Why do you think the creature didn't get you?
Kari: Don't know for sure...
Davis picks leaves out of Kari's hair.
Kari: Thanks.
Davis: So you do love me?
Kari: No I don't.
Davis: Yes you do.
Kari: Don't think so.
Davis: Oh yes you do.
Kari: No, arrogant jerk!
The two bicker on like this for ten minutes..(Why? Because the authors want them to, that's why!)
TK: Ey vey!
Yolei: Hey, that's my saying!
TK: Well, sorrrrrry, geez…-mumbles something about women-
Yolei: Ey vey!
Ken: Um... What's with the ey vey line?
TK: That's Yolei's favorite line and I simply borrowed it.
Yolei: YOU STOLE IT!
Ken: Too bad... You know she can sue you for that, don't you?
TK: No she can't, I'm too young to be sued.
Ken: Yes she can.
TK: No she can't!
Ken: Yes she can!
TK: No she CAN'T!
Ken: Yes she CAN!
Argument continues for a few minutes…(Why?... must you even ask?)
Yolei: Ey vey! HA! Who has the last say now, huh? -sticks tounge out at TK-
TK: I'll ignore that...
OFFSTAGE
Manager(who happens to be Joe): Hey Izzy. What's the plot of this fanfic?
Director(who happens to be Izzy): I dunno. The author's are writting it. I'm just directing it. I get to yell at everyone!
Joe: Really? Neat!
Izzy: Yeah, watch this. DEVIMON! -scares the pants off of Devimon, who is standing at the snack table trying to look innocent- HANDS OFF THOSE DOUGHNUTS! THEY'RE FOR DIGIDESTINED ONLY! READ THE SIGN!
-Devimon gives a pathetic puppy dog face and runs to the exit crying-
Izzy: -is a little weirded out by Devimon's actions- Okay...?
Joe: -chomps on a huge slice of pizza- You don't see that everyday.
TK: That was just... Wrong.
Joe: Where did you come from?
TK: Nowhere... I'm going now... Cya? -runs off the stage-
SOMEWHERE IN THE WOODS
TK, Kari, Yolei, Davis, Ken, and Cody are all walking to Myotismon's castle when three Ninjamon appear. Kari steps forward.
TK: -whispers- What do you think she's gonna do?
Ken: -loudly- Probably wipe off that concealing cream of hers and scare them away with her zits!
Kari: I resent that!
Davis: Hey, you should talk about me, not Kari!
Ken:...Why? Do you wear concealing cream?
TK and Ken snicker.
Davis: I thought every guy did that!…-crickets chirp-…………-more silence-…………..
TK: Right... We really didn't need to hear that.
Kari: Uh huh... -turns to Izzy, who's offstage- Anyway, do I really have to do this?
Izzy: Duh…-sips iced tea out of a fuzzy cup-
Kari: -incoherent grumbling- Fine!
Ninjamon surround Kari on three sides. The first one leaps into the air, and Kari follows suit. Kari spins in midair and THWAPS! the Ninjamon in the face, sending it sprawling away. The other two Ninjamon jump out at her from each side. Kari jumps up and is about to do a straddle kick when...
Izzy: -from offstage- CUT!
Kari: -freezes in midair- What do you WANT!
Izzy: Um... Your shoe's untied... Didn't want you to... Um.. Trip.
Kari: -stares at Izzy- Um... I have zipper shoes...
Izzy: -nervous laughter- I knew that.. I just wanted to see if the Matrix thing really worked...Yeah... By the way, your hairclip came loose.
Kari: -GASP- MIMI!
Mimi appears from offstage and grabs a stepladder. She goes up the ladder and hands Kari a mirror and a pink glitter comb.
Davis: Geeeeeez... I never knew it took girls so long to do their hair!
TK: Wha? How long?
Davis: -checks his watch- Um...Thirty seconds.
TK: -produces a cough that sounds rather like a snort- It takes Matt all morning, and he's not even a girl!
Davis: -mumbles- Close enough...
Matt: WHAT! -runs onstage, his head wrapped gracefully in a towel after having just gotten out of the shower-
Davis: -squeak- Nothing...
Izzy: MATT, GET OFFSTAGE NOW! WE'RE ON IN FIVE...FOUR...THREE...
Matt: -throws up his hands in a very unnecessarily dramatic manor- Leaving, leaving, don't flip your lid.
Izzy: Like, duh! -sips gatoraid out of a coffee cup-
Kari rolls her eyes and unfreezes herself. She proceeds with the straddle kick and the Ninjamon are knocked out. Kari lands gracefully on the ground and brushes the dust off her shoulders.
Izzy: CUT! I NEED TO EAT!
TK Licks his finger and jabs it at Kari's shoulder, causing it to make a hissing sound. All digidestined present stare at her shoulder as steam emits.
Ken: Wow...
Kari: -blushes- Ninja fighting is a hidden talent of mine.
Matt comes through a door that no one noticed and hands Izzy a fresh, wonderful smelling pie. Izzy proceeds to shovel the entire pie in his mouth.
Izzy: I can just taste a hint of...hair gel…-glares accusingly at Matt-
Matt starts whistling and stares at the ceiling in an attempt to look innocent. Meanwhile, Izzy grabs the can of hair gel out of Matt's pocket and produces a blow torch and mask out of thin air. He then proceeds to cackle wildly. Matt raises an eyebrow.
Izzy: -says in a slightly maniacal voice- I hear hair gel is very flammable...
Matt: NOOO! -falls to his knees-
Izzy: -Turns on blow torch after putting on his mask (safety first, kiddies!) and blows up Matt's can of hair gel, all the while laughing with sadistic glee. Once he makes sure the pile of ashes from the hair gel has disintegrated into nothingness, he turns to Matt, sounding utterly mad.- Do YOU want to be fired?
Matt: What am I supposed to do without my hair gel!
A parrot flies in through an open window and says in a Spanish accent, "So young, so angry, darn that hair gel!" Matt and Izzy follow the parrot with their eyes as the parrot bursts into flames.
TK: Okay... That was random...
Izzy: Where did YOU come from!
TK: Um... From on the stage?
Izzy: -points blow torch at TK's hair- Do you wear hair gel?
TK runs away squeaking.
Izzy: -recovers slightly- Okay, PLACES EVERYONE!
Several people walk away, mumbling things that sounds mysteriously like 'stupid' and 'annoying' and 'computer geek.'
Author's Note:
Well, that's the first bit of it. There's more to it than that, I just have to refine it… I'm pretty sure you wouldn't want to read it the way we wrote it in fifth grade, lol…. I would also like to add that, while me and Cyber Rose created this together, she is no longer working on the project. If you have any comments to direct to her, just review them and I'll make sure she gets them.
PS…Reviewing is good!
