And I Wash My Hands….

A story by YoshoCrow

Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy and the Scooby's they belongs to Joss
Rating PG-13
Distribution: if you like let me know
Takes place Post "Gift" Spoilers abound
Please read and review it is the thing all good little readers do :)



I sit here at this table going over the paperwork for what seems like the hundredth
time today, going over all this paperwork that needs to be done before I can leave. It is a rather grim business transferring ownership of the store to the others but I can no longer do it not after all that I have seen and done. Drat are those ink stains?

And I wash my hands..

It is rather remarkable Dawn has adapted quite nicely to Buffy's death, well as nicely as can be expected, she lives in her old house with Spike who for some blasted reason is actually keeping his word to Buffy. What can he do that I cannot what is it that makes him the perfect guardian to her? I have nurtured both these girls and while it is true I really only knew one both hold a special place in my heart. Perhaps with Dawn I can gain some of her sister back.

And I wash my hands…

The counters really need cleaning I should get on Anya about it but I don't have the heart to anymore both her and Xander remind me that life must go on maybe I forgot what that is like. They will be here soon to drop off a bloody invitation, insisting on the wedding before I leave, why won't they just let me be?

And I wash my hands…

I still think about that night, God it has only been a month but the dreams are as clear as ever, I see Buffy fighting Glory to save Dawn I see the others getting injured and still struggling to go on, all the scotch in the world won't keep that image away.

And I wash my hands…

Now I see Buffy as she goes to jump taking Dawns place meanwhile I can feel the ragged breaths on my hand, he was laying there Glory's last attempt to obtain mercy and despite herself Buffy didn't kill him. As her watcher I did what none of the others had the will to do I remember reaching over I can feel the moist panicked breaths on my palm and now as then I have no passion only a deep emptiness.

And I wash my hands…

The others all think Ben/Glory died a result of injuries all except for Spike, when he looks at me I can feel his eyes one scavenger to another. That is what frightens me the most I have become that which I have fought "Ripper" is getting free one last book to shelve and I will be ready the others will be miserable but they have each other I have no one else.
And I wash my hands…

I touch the gun left over from Riley so cold so powerful in its compact way, I must do this another way blood might draw more demons. On the shelf I reach for an ancient spell book and gathering the ingredients I enchant the water once touched it will draw my soul away quickly and quietly.

And I wash my hands, but they will never be clean...
The End