When I found out what had happened to her, I was so enraged and upset, not even she could calm me down. She, who had never done a single sin against this harsh and miserable world, she, who was always the last person in the world to say if something was bothering her, she, who was the nicest and most giving person ever, got the one thing taken from her that could never be taken back. All of her innocence was taken in an hour. In her eyes, she is tainted, she will never be the same ever again, and she will never be close to perfect ever again.
A couple weeks ago, she was walking home, alone, from her job at the grocery store at around 12:30am. Giggles got sick so she filled in for her friend. She was on the phone with me; I wanted to meet up with her to make sure she would come home safely because of two things. She is 19 and she is my girlfriend/best friend. But she declined saying that she can manage the mile walk alone. I should have been there. I should have protected her. I should have known right after it happened.
She told me that a car slowly drove past her, then drove reverse towards her, and stopped right in front of her at the cross walk. She then thought that it was a simple mistake and went around. Two guys got out of the car and grabbed her, they didn't even bother knocking her out while they did it; they tore into her with no remorse or guilt, they called her all kinds of names, from fat, to whore, to scank, she cried, pleaded, screamed and fought, but she was too small and defenseless. They took what was so sacred to her and it was her first time. They beat her, and raped her even more after getting what they wanted. When they were done they took her purse and kicked her out of their car and into the snow in some alley way.
What hurts me the most about all of this is that she lied saying she only got mugged on the way home, explaining why she got to her home at 1:30am, and she didn't even shed on tear in front of me when I raced to her house to make sure she wasn't hurt.
She was so distant with me afterwards and scared, not even letting me hold her hand, on the third night I slept over, she woke up screaming and clinging to herself. When I tried to comfort her, she would push me away and lock herself in the bathroom until morning and rush off to work, and she didn't tell me for 5 whole days.
I came home earlier from working in the bar, and walked in on her changing into her pajamas, she only had on her underwear and was looking at herself in the mirror. She turned around when I said her name, tears were flowing from my eyes as I saw every angry mark on her porcelain skin, the bruises were still terrible looking around her lower regions and her poor chest was still swollen. I walked over to her and put my hands on her shoulders. She had this horribly terrified look on her face and her eyes slowly closed and her body shook. Her breathe got uneven and she started to choke on sobs. I reached out to her and caught her as she almost fell to her knees. She started to scream saying she was sorry and she was so vulnerable it brought me to my own knees and I started to hold on to her for dear life while I cried myself.
She tried to be strong, to not let it show. She couldn't bear the burden anymore, she broke down in front of me, and it was the hardest and most heart retching thing I've every encountered.
She told me everything. From Giggles being sick, to when she got home, to the repeating nightmares that haunted her dreams. I was furious, no enraged, for this happening to her, her of all people. I was shaking with anger when she finished talking. I got up and punched 2 huge holes in my bedroom wall. She was begging for my forgiveness for not being pure, for being tainted and never ever being able to be perfect again. Hearing this made me so upset, I cried with her, I kept telling her that no matter what happens she will always be perfect to me, no matter what. Perfection doesn't matter to me. She was still alive and breathing. I made her sit up on the bed instead of being on the floor and I kissed every bruise, every mark those bastards made on her. She started to shake when I got closer to her lower regions so I gently kissed around it, got up next to her to wrap my jacket around her, and pulled her into a hug. She started to cry even more, and wrapped her arms around me.
She kept saying that she was so sorry if she got pregnant and started back up with saying she will never be perfect again. I told her that if she does get pregnant, I will stay with her no matter what, and it will never be her fault. I told her that I will make them pay. She tried so hard to calm down; she ended up crying even more. That got my attention and I wrapped my arms around her tighter. She was so scared and upset, but she will always be a virgin to me, even if they took it from her. I don't care. She will always be pure perfection to me.
The bruises may have faded, and she didn't get pregnant, but she still has nightmares. So I decided to sleep over more at her house, or let her sleep with me at my house. After time, she slowly became herself again, but was terrified to be alone. I'm always by her side now, from when she slowly wakes up in my arms from the sunlight pouring into our room, to when I carry her up the stairs from falling asleep on the couch with me at night. I'm also always by her side when she sleeps, smiling when she nuzzles her face into the crook of my neck to when she hogs the blanket. The only times we are not together is when we work or when we need to use the bathroom. I managed to bend my hours so I get off when she does so we can walk home. Even though it happened, it didn't really change our relationship, we are just together more often. Another thing that won't change is that she is still perfection to me even if she doesn't see or think it. She is the definition of perfect, and its one of the billions of reasons as to why I love her so much.
