Forgive

"I've killed him! I've killed Nick. I've killed Nick Cutter. I've killed my husband.

I didn't think it would be so easy. Just to push the hammer. He was standing front of me. He was talking with me. He was saying not the things that I wanted to hear but he was talking with me! And then he was lying – so miserable, thrown, dying, with the bullet in his chest…

I've killed Nick Cutter"


Helen stopped writing and reread her notes. So wild. Seems to be wild, sounds wild. Yes, she killed him to save everything. The life of the one is nothing compared to the whole world. But why is her heart thumping so strongly now? And why does it seem to be like she was killed?...


"This wouldn't have happened if he had gone with me. If he had gone with me right away. I had called him… And he hadn't gone. He had left me alone in the wild world. He said I liked seeing how he was suffering. But I didn't. Or…"


"It should be burnt," – Helen thought looking on the sheet pulled out from the diary.

She mustn't be weak. Her mission needed strength. And she was sorry about Nick's death.

"A sentimental silly woman…"


"Did I love him? Maybe, I did. Or…

"Or" is everywhere. I mustn't doubt. But…"


She tried to curb her feelings, to justify herself, and she understood this. But to whom to justify? And for what? For the murder of the only man who was hoping for that eight years to see her alive? After all that happened with anomalies, Centre, Leek, predators they should inevitably begin to hate each other and become estranged finally… And he returned for her. Or…

Helen grinned. Of course. Nick returned for the Artifact, not for her. But she wasn't left by him too!


"Why should I rush about, try to understand anything? What matter if Nick loved me – he's already dead! I killed him, and there's nothing to do with it.

I wish there was another way, really! Yes, I didn't try to find it, I hurried, hurried, now I understand, it's a pity that I've done what I've done. But it's already late. Too late. The affair is done, there's nothing to correct. I should only finish that I've begun. I know feelings prevent that's why they will disappear soon, but earlier than it will be indifferent for me…

Forgive me."