Disclaimer: Not mine. They belong to Nomura Tetsuya and Square Enix.

Author's Notes: Written last month for NaNoWriMo which I completely failed at. This was all I wrote.


Cloud sank down to the floor of the church. Emotions and memories were flooding his mind and he couldn't escape. He didn't want this pain, didn't want this reminder of the mistakes he'd made. He was never free of it, but there were moments when he could forget. Moments where thinking wasn't necessary - wasn't even possible.

It was after those moments that these floods happened. It was after those moments when his heart, mind, soul and body all ached as one, where he felt that falling down could mean the same thing as falling apart. His heart pounding, breathing labored and muscles sore, Cloud pressed his cheek to the cool floor of the church, the scent of flowers heavy in the air.

This was his haven, possibly even his heaven. It might be the closest he'd ever get to it. He let himself slip further into the abyss of his thoughts, further into the darkness that always threatened to consume him. Flashes of pale skin, silver hair and the contrasting dark leather were frequently lingered upon, a string of something tangible teasing him.

Kadaj. It shouldn't be this way. He shouldn't find solace in Kadaj. Cloud wasn't sure that was the right word for it, but then nothing about Kadaj was right, why did his choice in words have to be? He hated Kadaj, hated everything he stood for, hated that he tried to lure him into a deeper darkness. Perhaps there was no trying about it, perhaps Kadaj had already succeeded, but to admit that was something Cloud refused to do. However, the evidence was clear, every time Kadaj left, Cloud would fall into this darkness.

There was no escape except to lose himself in Kadaj's embrace, his mouth, his everything. Just feel, don't think. Those words echoed through Cloud's mind as his lips met Kadaj's in a fierce battle for dominance. They continued to repeat until skin pressed against skin, hands moving, searching for something, searching for everything. Just feeling. Thinking only led to darker thoughts.

Don't speak. Cloud hated it when Kadaj would speak, his words searing through him like a sword, cutting to the deep. Brother. It was a word he'd come to hate. It no longer mattered who said it, hearing that word caused him to slip further. Slipping. It was all about slipping. Further into the darkness, further into Kadaj, further away from the light, further away from what was right. Slippery like Kadaj's movements, like his silver hair, his silver bullet tongue, his everything.

Escape. He needed to escape before it was too late. Cloud wondered if it already was, wondered where he could escape to. He didn't even know what he was trying to escape from any more. Was it the darkness? Was it Kadaj's grip? Was it himself?

Kadaj told him he could escape all of this if he would just leave this old church and follow him. Was that the escape he really wanted? Or was it the only escape he'd ever be offered?