Just like the way her fingers light up the room filling it with speaks of blue and most the time sticky from her latest Mr. Slush-O, she also lights up every single part of me, even the thing they call a heart which I chose to only use on special occasions.

(I know that sentence is filled to the brim with 'chick flick moments' but this time with her I don't really give damn)

And she knows this as well as all the others (but she unlike them is for forever and always even if I'll never say it) so once every so often I find her head, blond hair and all, on my chest listening to the very thing that belongs to her only (well, and maybe a little bit to Sam).

"Just checking if it was still there, baby."

Ever since I was pulled out of hell (and dug myself free, thanks again for the help up there!) I check every chance I get.

-

Before she felt it for herself (the pit that rips out your heart each and every day) what it was like she'd ask me only one question and one alone, unlike Sam that tried to pry all the words out me the first day, about the dreams that haunt me to this very day 'do they hurt?'

(and the only answer to that is 'every single damn time, El')

But now it's my turn to do just the same (help her overcome the memories that we both share) as she wakes from dream after dream and it's crystal clear that we're both dreaming about the same thing, hellfire.

"Do they ever stop?"

The first time she asked this (it would not be the last, it would come every single night after) I wanted to say yes a million times over just to make her happy, make her shut her eyes and dream of something else.

Anything else but I know that world even if said over and over again would be the anything but the truth.

And lying I find, one of my best strengths, around her is something I just can't do.

"I don't know, Elle, I don't know."

-

I want to be the one that stops them, the dreams that come in a storm of hellfire, but I know that it's impossible since I can't even put an end to my own.

(mine that are a little longer, a little bloodier, and always burning red)

"Just sleep, El, I'll be here to protect you. Don't even think that I won't. Now shut your eyes and go to sleep."

Just like me it takes her longer to shut her eyes then most (which Sam doesn't understand and never will) because we know what waits for us in the dark, being ripped up until we're nothing but pieces (thirty-years of it, ten doing just that), and of course the demons waiting for us with sin in their grins.

"I'll be here for you, too, Dean, (more then you'll ever know) both out here and in your dreams."

"I know, baby, I'll be waiting for you (if I can shut these eyes of mine)."

And just like that we got ready for a another battle (one that we can feel every slice, every burn) folding into each other knowing that the only comfort we'll ever get is from each other, and praying that instead of blood we get a dream with just the two of us.

We can only hope, but as always even when we're locked together (holding on for dear life) we get the same old, same old, but at least we know the moment we wake we have someone to take away the fears (and wipe away the tears).

"Good luck."

"Ditto."