Deadpool jumped on top of Rose, who was sleeping comfortably in her bed. Rose shot up, scared half to death. "Wade, what the hell?!"
"I'm sorry! I needed you awake, now!"
"I literally just finished the last episode of season three. I'm taking a nap before I start season four." Deadpool gave a loud and short "HA" before sitting next to her on her bed.
"We both know that if you don't start it now, you'll never start it. Besides, this has nothing to do with the story. I wanna take you out for breakfast." Rose, still sleepy, rubbed her eye.
"You're not asking me out, are you?"
"What? No! I just wanna do something nice for you since you're the only writer who's survived this long. I guess your super power is to avoid detection by The Man."
"Well, I have been practicing avoiding detection from my parents since I was five years old."
"Anyway, you better hurry up! Or we'll miss our reservation! And iron your clothes, ya slob!"
At a "random" pancake house
Deadpool was actually wearing normal clothes for once. His baseball cap didn't hide all the scars on his head; therefore, attracting the attention of the other customers. Rose was too busy looking at her menu to notice the disgusted looks Deadpool was getting. "I don't know if I should get an omelet or a waffle," she said.
"Get whatever you want. I'm paying," said Deadpool, looking around the restaurant.
"Oh, in that case, I'll get the pancake house special." Rose placed her menu on the table. "Are you paranoid or something?"
"No. I'm just looking around for the bathroom."
"It's over there," said Rose, pointing toward the back of the restaurant.
"Good, cause I think those nachos I had for dinner are about to go right through me." she gagged.
"Gross! Can you not talk about your bodily functions right before I get my food?"
"Sorry."
Sitting just a few tables away were Peter Parker and his Aunt May.
"You know, Peter, I could have cooked us pancakes at home," said his sweet aunt.
"I know, but it's your birthday. And since I can't cook to save my life, I decided taking you out to eat would be more safe." May chuckled.
"You're so thoughtful, Peter."
"Excuse me." Peter approached the bathroom, feeling a tingly sensation on his way. He recognized this feeling as his spider sense. Peter quickly scanned the restaurant for the danger. His eyes locked on Rose. "Uh oh. It's Rose and I assume Deadpool out of his costume! Why are they here? Why do they have to be here, TODAY of all days?" Thought Peter. He glanced at Aunt May. "I have to make sure no one gets hurt."
"Deadpool, did you figure out who our next guest star is going to be for the first episode of our fourth season?" asked Rose, putting a fork full of her pancakes in her mouth.
"Yep. Spidey."
"You're so obsessed."
"And you're obsessed with me. You have the words, "Deadpool is my husband" on your ps4 bio. Someone say 'crazy'!"
"It's a joke! And don't look at my bio!"
"A bio's supposed to be looked at."
"Anyway, you better not think about kidnapping Spider-Man, again. I feel bad about tranqing him last time."
"Relax. I know he's going to come willingly this time."
"How so?"
"The less you know, the better."
Ding!
A man rang a bell at the counter. He appeared to have been waiting for a table. A waiter approached him. "Table for one?"
"Actually," the man pulled out a tiny 9mm pistol, "open the register and put the money in this bag." The waiter raised his hands. Not wanting to get shot, he quickly started to open the cash register. "NO ONE MOVE!" the man pointed his gun at the customers. Innocents screamed and started to panic.
"This day just keeps getting better and better," mumbled Peter. Deadpool stood up.
"Are you seriously robbing a pancake house?" The man pointed his gun at the merc.
"Sit back down or I'll shoot!" shouted the robber.
"That's a cute gun, but mine is bigger!" Deadpool pulled out a IMI Desert Eagle of his jacket pocket and aimed it at the robber. Peter decided to use Deadpool's distraction and sneak into the bathroom.
"If you don't put the gun away-"
"You'll shoot me? Soooo intimidating." The robber pulled the trigger. Spider-Man covered the muzzle with his spider webbing. The feedback made the robber drop his gun. Spider-Man webbed the man to the floor. "Nice job, Spider-Man!" Shouted Deadpool.
"Thanks," Spidey said, slowly.
"Hey, pal-"
"I'm not your pal…"
"I'm starting another season of Ask Deadpool and you're my first guest."
"Sorry. I don't do talk shows." Spider-Man shot a web at the building across the street. Before he could fully get away, Deadpool threw a shuriken, cutting the web. Spider-Man landed on his feet. "Deadpool, I have somewhere to be!"
"And you need to come back for another episode! I'm asking because I'd hate for innocents to get hurt."
"Why do you always threaten people?"
"Because you never want to hang out!"
"Gee, maybe because you kill people?"
"I haven't killed anyone in months!" Rose stepped outside.
"Alright! Enough of this! Spider-Man, I'm sorry Deadpool keeps harassing you. I know you have a lot of important things to do, like eating breakfast and treating the people you love to a special outing. How about you go finish that and then you meet us at Deadpool's place?"
Meanwhile, at Deadpool's HQ…
"Will you stop moping?" Said Rose to Deadpool who was lying on the couch. She was getting the living room ready for the filming of season four of their show.
"It's been hours! Spidey should be here right, now!"
"Give him time. He'll show up." Rose aimed the camera at the couch. Spider-Man crawled through the window. Deadpool leaped off the couch.
"Spidey! You actually showed up!"
"Yeah, unfortunately."
"Well, you can take a seat on the couch," said Rose. Spider-Man slowly sat on the couch.
Deadpool: What's up, Pool readers? Welcome to your first episode of Ask Deadpool: Season Quatre! (That's four for all of you non-French speakers.)
Spider-Man: That wasn't even French.
Deadpool: And as you can see, my pal, Spidey, is going to be our first guest star of our new season! Rose, start asking the questions.
Rose: Alright, well since we don't have any questions left to answer from our fans, Deadpool has taken the liberty to find some online.
Spider-Man: I have a bad feeling about this…
Rose: *sigh* Here we go…. First question: where is your favorite place to be kissed?"
Deadpool: Spidey?
Spider-Man: Why do I have to answer first!
Deadpool: You're the guest.
Spider-Man: You can answer first!
Deadpool: Fine! Rose, you answer.
Rose: You just said you were going to answer.
Deadpool: Rose, I swear to-
Rose: Fine! I dunno. I guess the cheek. I've never been kissed before.
Deadpool: I forgot she's a nerd…
Spider-Man: Don't worry, Rose. I'm sure we've all been there before.
Deadpool: Well, I like being kissed anywhere. (And I mean it when I say anywhere).
Spider-Man: Oh god.. Well, I'm a classic sort of guy, so I prefer the lips.
Rose: Next question *sighs* Do you prefer to be on the bottom or the top?
Deadpool: Spider-Man?
Spider-Man: What makes you think I have a sex life?
Deadpool: Who wouldn't wanna fuck a superhero wearing tights?
Rose: He has a point. Have you seen your fan page?
Spidey: My what?!
Deadpool: Well, to answer the question, it depends on who I'm having sex with. If they're bigger than me, then I'll be on the bottom. But if I'm bigger than them, I'll be on top. And Rose would probably like being on the bottom since she's a submissive type.
Rose: It's not that I'm submissive, I just don't aggressively take charge.
Deadpool: I stand my case.
Rose: Moving on. Have you ever done role-playing? That's something I can actually say I did!
Deadpool: Ooh! Give details!
Rose: Well, my friend was hosting a costume contest, so I dressed up as Robin and won!
Deadpool: Rose, that's not the kind of role-playing the question is talking about.
Rose: Oh..
Deadpool: You're so innocent, it's annoying. People aren't going to wanna hear about how much of a virgin you are!
Rose: Well, excuse me for not giving it out to the hottest person I see!
Deadpool: We need to fix this.
Spidey: I don't like where this is going…
Rose: No! Let's get the questions out of the way!
Deadpool: Fine! Read the next question.
Rose: What was your last wet dream about?
Deadpool: Oh, that's a long story. It started out with me at the Avenger's Tower. Black Widow was wearing her signature catsuit and when she saw me-
Spidey: I don't wanna hear this!
Deadpool: Don't worry. We'll, get to the part about you later!
Spidey: What?!
Rose: Um, I actually can answer this question..
Deadpool: Hold the fuck up. Rose has actually had a wet dream?
Rose: Don't say it so loud!
Deadpool: Spill.
Rose: Okay, well in the dream, I walk into this college dorm room in my skimpy pajamas and crawl into the bed. Next to me is a guy I went to school with and he's in his underwear. I don't remember what was said, but I do remember kissing his neck. The next thing I know, I'm straddling and French kissing him. I take off my shirt and then I wake up. I felt so-
Deadpool: Hot and bothered? Horny? Turned on? Lustful?
Rose: Uncomfortable. Part of me liked it but another part of me felt disgusted.
Deadpool: Are you trying to say you're bi? Cause it's okay if you are.
Rose: No, that's not what I'm saying! I'm just grateful that was a one time thing.
Deadpool: You'll have more.
Rose: Next question. If today was your last day alive, what would you spend it doing?
Deadpool: I would go hang out with my daughter one last time.
Spidey: Oh yeah! I remember you telling me about her. How is she?
Deadpool: She's fine. I went Trick or Treating with her last Halloween.
Spidey: Well, I'd spend my last moments with my aunt… And the rest of my family.
Rose: I'd like to go and do some crazy dangerous things with my friends. Next question is: what would you do differently if you knew no one would judge you?
Deadpool: I would be my honest self to the world. I wouldn't wear my mask in public and share my true feelings with people.
Spidey: Well, um, if I was asked this question when I was still in high school, I wouldn't be afraid to tell the girls I had crushes on how I really felt or I would stand up to the school bullies and give them a piece of my mind.
Rose: I would tell my friends about the crazy stories I've written over the years.
Deadpool: You mean your porn?
Rose: How many times do I have to tell you I don't write porn?!
Deadpool: Well, that concludes our first episode of Ask Deadpool: Season Four! I promised last season Captain America would guest star, so Rose and I will recruit him next.
Edit: Any questions I missed from last season will be asked in the next chapter. Thank you all for continuing asking your crazy questions! Don't forget to suggest a character you'd wanna see guest star next!
