I just want you guys to know that I was seriously hurt by Vaun's dick. I didn't get to ogle him in action long enough! It's not fair! I will always remember you!

I don't own The Strain. If I did, my husband would still be alive. I claim ownership to nothing but my wild imagination and characters. The STDs are debatable.

This fanfic is gonna take place the moment I fell in love with him. *sighs* I need closure… and counseling.


'I totally regret not hitting the gym as much as I should have before all this shit broke out,' I thought to myself, rubbing my tired biceps.

I had just killed a small heard of the vampires I accidentally roused, while looting the back of the abandoned drugstore for some medical supplies.

In all honesty, I had no idea why I thought it was a good idea to even move to New York in the first place. Talk about shit timing. Not even a month had passed before the internet went out and the city experienced a vampire outbreak. A VAMPIRE OUTBREAK! And the worst part is, they're not even the sexy ones like in Twilight. It's like a weird Nosferatu meets World War Z hybrid. But the crazy part about it is that not all of New York knows what's going on!

"It's getting dark soon," my friend said from the open doorway, snapping me from my thoughts.

I sighed and kicked the headless bodies out of the way with my boot, careful of the little worms. I dumped a few bottles of alcohol and bandages into my backpack, along with whatever useful supplies I found, and slung it back over my shoulder.

"We'll check a few more blocks and head home before it gets dark."

Home was the apartment complex that my friend, Mariah, and I shared. She's in charge of lookout and I'm the muscle and brains.

"I still don't see how you can stomach killing those things," she said with a visible shudder.

"Well, for one, it's fun. Plus, when they're dead, I suck their dick."

"But we would you suck their dicks? I thought they fell off after being infected."

"Yeah, I thought that too, but apparently, some of them actually keep their dicks. So I have to suck them. It keeps me young."

"Damn.. and here I was all ready to stuff their dicks for personal dildos."

"Sucks right?"

"Not as good as your momma did last night."

"I told her about all that late night sucking. She's gonna end up choking one of these nights."

"Imma have to give her some CPR then."

*pulls out big black cock*

:D

"That's one big cock. Where do you plan on putting it?"

"That's for me to know and for you to find out."

"Damn, okay then… As long as I can use it afterwards."

"You can be first.. Prepare to lose your virginity to Mr. Black Magic III. It won't be a rabbit that pops out of your hat."

"I don't think I can't take such a big dick."

"I've forced balloons into animal shapes for a living.. I think I can manage to squeeze this baby in there."

*faint choking sounds in the background*

"That's what she said.."

"My kids get to see the greatest disappearing act of all.. I'm not talking about the one where my dick vanishes inside of you and your mother either.."

The end


Moral of the story:

My friend is a piece of shit and don't let your friends edit.? ゚リツ? ゚リᆳ? ゚リᆳ

… and big black cocks are not for everyone. *licks lips*