A/N: Just a quick note; this is going to be somewhat AU, as it follows on from my last story, The Almosts. I feel if Katniss had realized her feelings for Gale, she wouldn't have allowed the whole 'star-crossed lovers' story with Peeta. I hope my assumptions of what happened in my version of the Games will be clear enough, but I may turn it into another fic at some stage. And as for the rebellion … we'll get there:)
This is dedicated to , TruBluz and meow for their reviews of The Almosts– they were the first three to review. Also, a big thank you to everybody else who reviewed, favourited or just read The Almosts – I was blown away to see stats that showed over 120 readers in less than 24 hours. I don't know what is usually considered good, but I was pretty impressed, so thank you all!
Some of the time, Gale couldn't watch.
Seeing his Catnip, his Kat, in the Hunger Games was sometimes more than he could stand. His family would have the TV on constantly; big screens in the square accosted him every time he walked through town. But when he couldn't watch for fear for her, he would get out to the woods. If I lose her, I'll always remember her the way she was in the woods … with me.
His mother knew what was going on, and when he returned to the house a few hours after one of his hurried exits, she said nothing, but reassured him with her eyes that Katniss was alive. Then, once the younger kids were in bed, she'd always tell him what had happened. The fireballs, the tracker jacker attack that left his beautiful Katniss lying in a hole for two days … he couldn't watch any of it. He had been glued to the screen, though, when she sang for Rue, the tiny District 11 tribute that was so like Prim in stature. The announcement that would allow two tributes from the same district to survive – Madge had informed him, in a whisper, that it was to extend the star-crossed-lovers image Peeta had tried for, and thus please the Capitol audiences by playing the 'invisible' Gale Hawthorne against injured tribute Peeta Mellark. Katniss didn't help that image at all, though – every time Peeta tried to kiss her, or say something intimate, she would walk away, or send pointed glances between her bow and the injured boy, or – only once, when he locked her face in his hands with the apparent intent of kissing her – slapped him hard. But they were still the last two, and Gale was about to start for the woods for his private celebration when the Voice destroyed his hopes. Only one victor could return.
Gale was glued to the television this time; biting down on his finger so hard that he drew blood and his mother handed him a handful of pine bark instead. But she sat next to him; watched as Katniss turned her bow on Peeta, who threw his knife away, causing Katniss to drop the weapon. They argued for a time.
"You don't love me, Katniss. It won't kill you to live without me. I have nothing else to live for."
"I won't kill you, Peeta."
"You won't have to." He yanked his bandage free, and I felt my fingers clenching the rough wood table so hard that my nails were making grooves in its surface. But Katniss, my beautiful, noble Kat, was on her knees, trying with her rudimentary healing skills to keep it in place.
"I can't let you die, Peeta." Her eyes were fixed on his leg, but when she moved them to the surrounding ground to search for an arrow to fasten the tourniquet, he made his move. I could tell she didn't know, but the camera angles showed us exactly what was happening – Peeta slowly freed the pouch of deadly nightlock from Katniss' belt. How distracted she must have been with saving his life, if she didn't feel it! And as she found the arrow, he loosened the top and pulled out one lone berry. For a second, he held it up – showing the audience that he was dying of his own accord – and then, in the tensest moment I have ever seen, he dropped the berry between his lips just as Katniss turned her head to look at him.
"No! Peeta!" In a second, she was pounding his back as she did to me when I choked – trying to get the berry out. But I could tell it was too late even before the cannon fired, some ten seconds later. And then, instead of falling over his body in a way that would have Capitol audiences swooning, Katniss stood up and fired an arrow off into the nothingness of the sky. "I hate you!" she screamed at the top of her lungs. "Do you hear me? I hate you!"
As I watched the hovercraft descend – the man who I recognized as Katniss' stylist had to come to the ground to force her onto the ladder – I realized that my family was celebrating around me, and that I could even hear the screams of joy from the square outside. Even my mom was smiling, tears pouring down her cheeks. But I was just clutching at my chest, where I could feel the ache of a breaking heart … where I could feel my Kat's pain.
The recap night was another hellish one for me, because it was so bad for her. Her stylist had dressed her all in black – a full-length black dress with just hints of shimmery orange stuff around the hem and sleeves, to look like coal just catching alight. The girl on fire – muted. And I understood – they had to play up her sorrow at losing Peeta, to cover for the moment where she screamed out her loathing for the Capitol. I wished I could hold her as she sat on that ornate velvet-covered seat and was forced to spend three hours watching what had happened during the Games. But … as it finished, and I could see the tears on Katniss' face, I couldn't stop myself from flinging a knife into the wooden wall of the house. Mom looked at me with concern on her face. "Gale?"
"Don't you see it?" I did. It was as clear as ever. Because the Gamemakers had told a love story. A story of unrequited love. Making Katniss look brutal and heartless; turning down poor Peeta's every romantic advance until he finally died. They were trying to make Katniss the most hated victor of all. Because if a victor could shout horrible things about the Capitol, there was nothing stopping anyone else.
I was starting to like this Cinna character more and more – he was obviously doing everything in his power to help Katniss appear grief-stricken. But I know my Kat. She's a poor actor. Every ounce of grief I saw was hers; not put on or fake. Her outfit for the interview was a white dress that made her seem younger and more innocent than she was. Once again, my nails were gouging into the table to see what Katniss' defence would be. There was only so much one person could say after screaming hate at the Capitol.
Caesar Flickerman didn't even try his usual joking. He took Katniss' hand first thing. "How are you holding up, my Girl on Fire?"
Katniss spoke softly – like a little girl, bewildered after waking from a deep sleep. "I miss him. It's not the same here without him."
"I can imagine it's been difficult. It would have been easier, wouldn't it, if he had died before you found him at the river?"
Katniss nodded. "Just because I didn't love him, it doesn't mean I don't care for him. He gave so many things to help me … I didn't want to say goodbye to him."
"So if you hadn't thought two people from the same district could win, you wouldn't have gone to find him?"
I bit my lip. Answer carefully, Kat. She didn't want to appear more heartless now – there would be people all around the Capitol baying for her blood.
She looked torn. "I don't know, Caesar. I mean, I didn't have a plan before the announcement." She paused, and I could feel the sorrow she was feeling for Rue. I don't think I would have gone looking for Peeta without knowing that we could both live, because I wouldn't have wanted to had to kill him. I would never have wanted to be in an alliance that would leave the two of us as the top two."
"So you didn't think you and Rue would stay together that long?"
Now Katniss had tears in her eyes. "There were still so many players when Rue and I joined up. I didn't know how much longer the Games would go on. And I would have given anything for Rue."
"You would have killed yourself for a girl from another district? Why?"
"She reminded me of my sister." Katniss' voice was strong. "I volunteered to come here to save Prim – I would have volunteered to save Rue, if it had come to it."
"And Peeta?"
"If I had been thinking straight, I would have gone for the nightlock myself," Katniss said, but it sounded forced. Scripted. Katniss would never have committed suicide; not with Prim and Mrs Everdeen at home, depending on her. "But I was stuck on the fact that I thought two of us could go home. I … I was just thinking about patching Peeta up, so that we could figure out a plan. We could have split up and left it to fate … whoever the arena killed first. But I wasn't thinking, and Peeta beat me to it."
"He truly loved you."
"I wish for his sake that he hadn't. If he hadn't done everything he did to protect me, because he loved me, then maybe he would be sitting on this chair right now."
That, of course, was a complete lie. Without the resourcefulness of the Careers, and then Katniss, Peeta would have been dead long before he was. But that type of self-sacrificing garbage was just what the Capitol audiences would want.
"So, Katniss, I think everybody wants to know – who is it you hate?" Behind that … cow of a Caesar plays that last moment from the arena, and I bite my tongue.
Another scripted answer follows, but an excellent one. "At that moment, I was actually shouting at Peeta. I was angry at him for … for killing himself. But I don't hate Peeta. I think the person that I really hate is myself, for not feeling him taking the berries. I was so overwhelmed … I had just seen him die in front of me, and I just had to scream."
Caesar was nodding slowly. "I'm sure we can all understand that deep sorrow." He paused, looking at Katniss. "What do you think Peeta would say if he could talk to you now?"
She took a deep breath. "I think, because he gave his life so that I could live, he would tell me to go back home and live my life with the people I love."
"And you'll be seeing those people very soon. I just have one last question for you, Girl on Fire." He smiled, but softly. "If you could say one last thing to Peeta, what would it be?"
When I saw the look on Katniss' face, I knew that somebody – possibly Haymitch – had requested this question. And a moment later, I knew why. Katniss raised her chin and opened her mouth to give Peeta the same final gift she had given Rue – the beautiful lullaby from the mountains of the District that had been Peeta's home.
People start gathering at the train station where Katniss will arrive home from very early – a few hours before she herself will get there. But I am up even earlier, to find some game for her lunch. I take it to Mrs Everdeen before going home to change into my best shirt, and then I go to the train station, where Prim is waiting and grabs me by the hand to the front of the crowd. None of the Peacekeepers protest, and I give Prim a hug. "You're excited to see her, aren't you?"
Prim nodded, but there was some sorrow in her eyes. "I just hope I don't make her think too much of Rue. I don't want her to be too sad."
I rested my hand on her shoulder. "She might be sad at first, but it will get better. We just need to look after her."
Prim nodded, and then I felt a hand on my arm and turned. Madge was there, and she indicated for me to bend so that she could whisper in my ear. "I know you love her, Gale, and that she loves you back. But if you kiss her with the cameras here, the Capitol will use it to make all Peeta's fans hate her. So watch yourself." And with that, she had melted into the crowd.
I was glad for the logical warning, because if I'm being honest, the only thought in my mind was kissing Katniss' pain away. It was a stupid move, but I would have done it anyway without Madge's warning.
It feels like forever before the train shows up. When it does, Prim's grip on my hand tightens. It seems like it takes forever for the door to open. But when it does, there's Katniss. My Catnip, in an outfit that could pass as her hunting clothes if they were a little less new. And for a second, she just stands. Her eyes are moving quickly – her hunter's eyes. And then they light on Prim, and she all but flies down the stairs. There will be pictures of this event all over Panem tonight, but this image will be the one with the most screen time.
When Katniss pulls away from Prim, they both have damp eyes. Then Katniss clings to her mother for a long time. But then her eyes light on me. And for the first time in a long time, I see her eyes light up. And the next thing I know, my Kat is in my arms. Her face buried in my shoulder; tears soaking through the fabric of my good shirt. She had thrown her arms around my neck, and mine were tightly encircling her back – she's gotten so thin. Clearly, the illusion of her regular curves during the interviews had been just that – an illusion. But I held onto her tiny, fragile body until Haymitch had to prod us apart, so that the proceedings could move on – the interviews, the photos, the official ribbon-cutting at the Victor's Village house that Katniss and her family would be moving into. Katniss had wiped away her tears, but she kept looking around for me. I couldn't stay at her side the entire time, but I stayed as close as I possibly could. When, finally, the camera crews left and the crowds were chased away, largely by Haymitch, Mrs Everdeen signalled that I should follow them into the big house. The second the door was closed, Katniss broke down. Her entire body was heaving with her sobs, and I pulled her over to one of the large, comfortable chairs, where I sat down and then pulled her onto my lap. I saw out of the corner of my eye that everybody else left the room, leaving me to hold and comfort my Kat. She sobbed for a long time, and when she could speak again, her first words were, 'I love you'.
"Oh, Kat, I love you too. I love you so much." She leaned closer to me, and I took her invitation to kiss her. The kiss in the Justice Building before she left had nothing on this. Then, I had been fighting the fact that I had just found her, and was about to lose her; possibly forever. Now, I had her forever – scarred, but she was mine. And I never had to let her go.
She asked as much when we both pulled away for breath. "Don't leave me."
I unconsciously repeated the words she had used in the arena. "Not going anywhere."
I wouldn't let them fuss or ask any questions that night. I sent Vick and Rory to get all the Everdeens' things from the old house. I sat next to Katniss as she ate the delicious rabbit her mother had roasted, and some of the cheese that Prim had made. But everybody steered clear of talk of the Hunger Games, or anything that had happened in the Capitol. And, when the meal was over, Mrs Everdeen recommended Katniss go to bed. But I caught the hesitance in her eyes. "Some sleep syrup?" Prim asked, catching it as well and opening a box Rory had carried over.
"I don't want to be alone," Katniss said, so softly that I would have missed it had I not been right there.
"I'll stay with you until you fall asleep," I promised, catching Mrs Everdeen's nod, not that I would have taken any note if she had tried to send me away. Katniss nodded her thanks and waved away the syrup – either because of the reminder of Peeta, or because she didn't want to rely on it, I don't know.
"I put your things in the second room," Mrs Everdeen said quietly. "Go change, and Gale will come up in a minute."
It registered in my head that she was saying I could spend the night in Katniss' room – while inappropriate thoughts had been the furthest thing from my mind when I offered to stay, I had never imagined that. But once Katniss had left the room, Mrs E raised her eyebrows at me. She needs you right now, and I trust you. Don't make me regret it."
"I won't," I said, and followed her upstairs five minutes later. Katniss was sitting on the edge of the bed, hair unbound and in her pyjamas. The brush was on the bed next to her, but she hadn't used it yet. "Help?" I asked, not waiting for her answer before taking the brush and gently working the tangles out of her hair, like I do for Posy. The ends that had been burnt off so roughly had been trimmed, so although her hair was more than half a foot shorter than when she left, it looked good. And when your hair is as long as Kat's was, losing half a foot isn't that big a deal.
She didn't speak as I brushed her hair; just sat there with her eyes closed. When the long, silken curtain was smooth, I waited for her to move towards the bed, but she just sat, eyes closed. So I picked her up, as gently as I could. Her arms automatically came around my neck, and I smiled reflexively. I laid her gently on the wide mattress, under the quilt that Mrs E had turned down while I was brushing. I tucked her in before spreading the quilt over her and removing my boots, so that I could lie down on top of the quilt next to her. I tucked one arm under her; the other I draped over her stomach. She grabbed my hand and held on tight. And that desperate clench told me what I had always known – I could never leave her.
I fell asleep next to my Kat that night, but I got barely two hours of sleep before I woke up with her screaming in my arms. Still fast asleep, and with tears pouring down her face, she screamed with no words. "Ssh, ssh, Kat." I kicked off the blanket Mrs E must have draped over me and sat up. "Kat, it's okay. Wake up, honey. Everything's okay. I'm here."
It took a few minutes for her to wake up, and when she did, she was in hysterical tears. I pulled her up to sit in my lap, and let her cry into my shoulder. Eventually, she cried herself to sleep in my arms.
The next morning, I took Kat to the woods, with the intention of staying all day. I wouldn't let her take her bow or arrows, and I only set a few snares … I didn't want her to have to think of hunting in any form.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked when we stopped to gorge ourselves on strawberries. But she just shook her head. "You don't have to. But you know where to find me."
She nodded. "Right here." And she placed her hand right above her heart.
Kat and I became inseparable after that – more than we had been before. I spent most nights at her house, simply because when I didn't, no one could bring her out of her nightmares – the night I tried to sleep at home, Prim came tearing through the town in the middle of the night to take me back to her house, because Katniss was in such a state. Katniss and I took up hunting again … she no longer had to go to school, and I had three weeks until I had to start in the mines. Three incredibly finite weeks. And I don't know who was dreading it more – me, remembering my father, or Kat, remembering hers. The last week I was free, her nightmares changed – instead of screaming incessantly, she'd wake up screaming my name, and then cling to me until she fell asleep again. "Is there nothing else you can do?" she asked me one day in the woods. "I can't let you go to the mines, Gale."
"I have to, Kat. I don't want to, but it's the law. I don't have another trade – not a legal one, at least." I reached up as I spoke to disengage a squirrel from a snare. "And I still have to support my family."
"They've been doing okay up until now." But it was a false argument and we both knew it – my tesserae would stop on my birthday, and I'll be damned if I'll let Rory take any out. Without that grain ratio, we'd never make it. "I'll give you the money, Gale. I mean, the monthly winnings are more that Mom and Prim and I will ever need … we can feed your whole family."
"No, Kat." There was no way I could do that. I couldn't let her do what I was meant to be doing for my family. "We'll be okay. I'll be careful in there. I'll teach Rory to hunt; he'll help you out after school. I'll come on Sundays, and we'll still get this right."
"You can't go in the mines, Gale." And she had the look on her face that I hadn't seen since she'd told Peeta she couldn't kill him. "I won't let you." And her eyes filled. "What if you don't come back?"
I wrapped my arms around her, and she clung to me. "I'll come back, Kat. Every time."
"You promise?" She looked up at me with those big, dark eyes.
"I promise." And then I sealed my promise with a kiss.
I heavily debated continuing this. Really. Because I know where I want it to go. But it was already longer than The Almosts by quite a bit, and I like the idea of a series of one-shots that can be read together or as a set. I'm not very crazy on this, but I did promise something by the weekend, and this is all I've got and it's Sunday. I promise, though, if you can be patient, I'll have something good for you as soon as I can manage it. I'll even leave a teaser line below, just to give you something to look forward to. I'm also not sure about writing in Gale's point of view again, so I'm going to be experimenting for a while. I know this seems like a bit of a filler, but I hope there's enough of a sweet relationship in there to keep everybody happy till I can serve up a better offering.
Much love,
FromMyMind
"Katniss knew, when she saw Rory running up the road, his face a smear of mud and tears and coal dust and blood, that her worst fear had come true. She shouted as loud as she could manage for her mother and Prim before falling to her knees and letting Rory bury his face in her hair."
Ooh, cliffhanger-type-thingy! Thoughts? Tell me in a review!
