A/N: This is a very old fic I found knocking around on my computer. Thought I might build on it...turn it into something with a little zing. What do you guys think? Let me know if you want a chapter two...
DISCLAIMER: All things SVU belong to Dick Wolf, even sadly my beloved Benson & Stabler.
Reasons Unclear
Chapter One
Elliot stared at the darkness in front of him as his feet pounded the hard concrete below. He had been running for thirty-five minutes and still hadn't managed to shake the feeling that had settled in the pit of his stomach. It was such a heavy feeling, a feeling of dread and self-loathing. Going for a run seemed like a logical idea, a good jog usually helped him sort through the idiocy that went on inside his head. But this jog was not working, he still felt tense and uptight. A frown was embedded firmly on his forehead and he couldn't seem to shake it off.
He carried on another thirty metres or so before losing enthusiasm completely and taking his frustration out on a nearby wall. Kicking it with all his strength he cursed loudly as foot and brick crashed together. Pain now radiated through his body as well as his soul. His eyes glazed over, threatening tears in the cold dark of night. They didn't fall, he didn't succumb, he held back just like he always did, afraid to let go.
Unable to run the rest of the way home Elliot began his long, slow, painful slog back to his flat. Forty-five minutes of sheer agony later he arrived at his front door. Still panting from a combination of the jogging and the hobbling home he leant against the wall, closing his eyes and trying to find some composure. His jog had failed in all its aims…to banish all thoughts of Olivia from his mind.
Fumbling with his keys he finally managed to unlock the door and clumsily get himself inside. Cursing to himself he headed to the shower to wash away the dirt and grime, the blood, the sweat, the tears he thought angrily to himself. Moments later he was immersed in the hot stream of the shower, water stinging his face as he buried himself in the steam. He let the scorching spray run over his skin, the hotter the better; he needed to feel pain. With droplets of water scolding his skin he closed his eyes tightly and let his mind wander.
Thoughts of Olivia quickly took over as he let his mind roam her naked flesh, his hands travelling up and down her body, her face, her hair, her taut slender waist, her perfectly formed breasts…oh god! He shook his head violently, attempting to banish the emerging erection from forming completely. These thoughts had to stop. As much as he would love her to be, Olivia was not his woman; she was with that jumped-up FBI poster-boy prick, Agent Dean Porter. But she was his best friend, his partner…way to go and make things feel awkward he thought spitefully to himself. He was such a fool sometimes, falling for someone he couldn't have and falling way too hard.
A loud crash against the bathroom door pulled him from his thoughts of self-hatred.
"What the fuck? Hang on!" He yelled before stepping out of the cubicle and grabbing his towel off the rail on the wall.
After wrapping the large blue beach towel around his waist he went to the sink and splashed ice-cold water on his face in another vain attempted to cool down. A few steady, controlled breaths later he opened the door to head out into the hall. Olivia stared back at him, the surprise evident on his face until he remembered the key he had given her upon his re-entry into bachelorhood. Tears stained her olive cheeks and her lips quivered as she pushed past him into the bathroom.
He turned to her, "what's wrong?" concern filling his voice.
"Fuck off Stabler!" She spat back, anger pulsing through her veins.
Her words startled him; sure they bickered every now and then, what partners didn't? But he had never given her any reason to be angry with him. He moved back into the bathroom and shut the door behind him. Walking closer to her he reached for her trembling arm, "Liv what is it? What's wrong?"
"Don't pretend like you don't know Elliot, this is your fucking fault," her eyes were wild, spitting fire at him with as much venom as her words.
Elliot looked at her, searching her face desperately for some clue as to what Dean had done to upset her so much.
His brow furrowed with genuine concern for his partner, "seriously Liv, I have no idea what's going on here." He reached her arms and turned her away from the sink to face him, "tell me Olivia…"
She looked up into deep blue eyes that clearly had no idea why she was so upset. She sighed loudly, her shaking head hanging towards the ground. Elliot reached for her chin, gently lifting it up to meet his gaze. As she looked into his eyes a lone tear began its solitary journey over her flushed cheek. Wiping it away with his free hand Elliot pushed her once more, "Olivia what's Porter done that's making you break like this?"
Olivia glanced to the ground once more, more to shield herself from the look of horror she was bound to see on her partners face once she told him of Dean's adultery. She spoke quietly but clearly, not wanting to have to repeat herself with this.
"I walked in on him fucking someone else."
His immediate reaction was to ask who. "I don't know, some tart" she spat, "does it matter who it is anyway? He still had his dick inside of her!"
She could feel herself growing angry again and pushed past him towards the door but he grabbed her before she made it. All he wanted to do was comfort her, tell her everything was going to be all right but he knew it was all too clichéd. He had to show her. He had to demonstrate how much he wanted to take away her pain so he did the only thing he could think of.
Olivia struggled under his grip slightly as he brought his lips down to her own. She felt their softness cushion her own as they pressed firmly against her. What is he doing? She thought to herself, quickly getting lost in the tenderness of his kiss despite the confusing situation. She found herself leaning into the kiss and into his embrace. His hands moved to her face and tenderly cupped her cheeks before snaking their way into her long, dark locks. She inhaled deeply, breathing in his fresh scent. She could smell his shampoo and shower gel mingled with the taste of his exquisite tongue.
Groaning with the sudden pleasure that was rapidly beginning to pool in her centre she attempted to pull away from him but to no avail. He had her. She was completely lost in his touch. Elliot pushed against her, her back now firmly pressed up against the shower cubicle. Her hips bucked gently against his towel-clad body as he ground down on her. His mouth finally left hers and began a long assault down her neck and across her throat.
Groaning loudly at the touch of his mouth on her neck, suckling sweetly on her pulse spot, she attempted logic once more, 'Elliot, this is so wrong,' she tried to reason with him desperately.
Bringing his lips further up her neck he nipped her earlobe playfully, the contact caused her legs to give way. She felt Elliot's strong arms catch her as she fell, crashing her body to his flesh. Their breathing began to steady and Olivia brought her head to rest on his broad, toned chest. A stray tear found its way from her eye and began its lonesome journey down her cheek, tumbling like a single, precious gemstone. Elliot inhaled deeply before bringing his lips to rest on the top of Olivia's head. He kissed it softly before letting her crack.
He held her for a long time in that position. He stroked her matted hair whilst tears flowed freely from her solemn eyes. His heart began to break as he listened to her crying, her outpour of pain casting splinters throughout his chest. His emotions grew angry, how the hell could anyone do this to her?
He began to whisper words of comfort as her sobbing began to subside. Trying to gain some semblance of composure Olivia looked up at the handsome man who held her so lovingly, protecting her from as much hurt and pain as he could.
"You know what hurts the most?' Olivia started shakily, 'the betrayal. I knew Dean and I were over…deep down I really knew that and I don't think that would have bothered me. It's the betrayal, why couldn't he have waited until we'd split up?" she closed her eyes, shaking her head in frustration. "I held back on so many things to give him a chance El and he repays me by sleeping with someone else."
Looking up at him with silent tears running down her flushed skin, she saw something in his eyes. She studied him intently for those few moments, trying to read the emotions behind his gaze.
A tender touch reverberated through her skin as his hand found her cheek. "I'm so sorry," he whispered quietly.
A confused expression crossed her face, "what for El? You haven't done anything wrong." She could see the muscles in his face begin to flex, tension rising. "He's a prick Olivia and if it wasn't for me you would never be feeling this pain."
He could feel himself growing angry, more with himself than Porter. He had pushed the relationship between Olivia and Dean to try and hide his own feelings for her and all he had ended up doing was causing her hurt and sorrow.
She looked at him, a quizzical gaze evident on her face, "what do you mean El?" She felt herself grow cold as his arms left her waist. He turned his back to her, his outstretched arms gripping the sink in front of him. His head dropped to his chest and he sighed deeply, closing his eyes as though the darkness would protect him from the repercussions of what he was about to reveal.
He jumped at her touch, startled by the feeling of her silky caress on his waist.
"Elliot…what is it?" She pleaded.
"I pushed you two together," he paused briefly, nervous to continue, "I pushed you together so I would stop thinking about you."
Another silence passed between them. Olivia spoke first this time, "you encouraged me and Dean to begin a relationship because you had feelings for me?" Elliot nodded his agreement, Still refusing to look at her.
Olivia could feel the anger twisting her insides, coiling in the pit of her stomach and flowing through her veins before bursting forth and glowing brightly in her blackened eyes.
"You coward," she stated harshly through gritted teeth.
Startled by her reaction he lifted his head up to meet her eyes, seeing fury embedded within their depths. He searched her face for the meaning behind her reaction but couldn't find the answers he was looking for.
'"Olivia…?" He began before being cut off harshly.
"No Stabler, you're a fool and a coward! Why the hell didn't you just tell me how you felt? Because of you I've been cheated and betrayed by yet another man! Do you know how many times men have fucked me over? Too many times!'
He had never seen her this angry and it scared him. A lot. He could see the pain she had been caused and hated himself for it. She fell to the floor, her crumpled form wrapping itself in stone. Staring down at her feet she whispered, "if only you had told me El."
Kneeling down in front of her he reached for her shoulders and held them tenderly, "what Olivia? If I had told you how I felt what would you have honestly done?"
She shook her head in frustration at his question.
"Okay so I'm a coward," he continued, "I'm afraid of rejection. You're not the only one who has been betrayed before, who's been hurt and cheated."
She looked up at him and saw the pain that lingered in his soul.
She decided to comfort him the way he had tried to comfort her. She bit down on her lower lip the way she always did when she was nervous or not in control of a situation and she was certainly no longer in control of her emotions. She lifted her hand to his face, reaching out to him in so many ways. His eyes fluttered shut at her touch and he leaned in to her gentle caress. Her fingers lovingly grazed the smooth skin on his temples. Her voice soft and low she whispered to him as she brought her face closer to his.
"If you told me how you felt Elliot, I would have done this…" and ever so slowly she brought his lips down to meet her own.
A/N: What do you think? More needed? Drop me a review or tweet me at RebeccaBond1
