"Why didn't you tell me Hughes was killed?"
Roy didn't respond. He didn't move. He didn't blink. There was an agonizing silence as the boy stared at him, trembling and waiting, eyes screaming silently for an honest answer. How he had learned of Hughes' death, Roy didn't know, but the fact was, he had. Edward now knew Hughes had been murdered, he knew Roy had lied to him, and he knew—or rather, he believed—it was all his fault.
Roy interlocked his fingers and leaned forward slightly, resting his elbows on his desk and giving a brief, monotonous order. "Lieutenant Hawkeye and Alphonse Elric, leave the room."
He didn't explain himself to the flustered suit of armor, but waited in absolute silence as Riza coaxed the younger brother out into the hallway. Edward ignored both of them, keeping his eyes trained solely on Mustang, unwavering.
Straightening up, Roy began to speak, his words clipped and his expression completely unreadable. "I apologize for not notifying you of Brigadier General Hughes' death sooner, and I apologize for giving you a false report. However, the truth was not for you to know—"
"Not for me to know?"
"—and I would like to know who informed you." Roy finished as though there had been no interruption, refusing to acknowledge the outburst in any way.
Edward stared at him for a moment before shaking his head. "No."
"Excuse me?" Roy arched an eyebrow, irritated by the childish response.
"I said no. I'm not telling you who told me." Edward pivoted on his heel and marched for the door, but Roy was on his feet in seconds, grabbing the back of his jacket and bringing him to an immediate halt.
"You can't say no to me, Edward. I'm your superior. You have no choice but to do as I say."
"Fine, then!" Edward tore his watch from his pocket and threw it on the ground. "I quit the military."
Roy let him go, reaching down and picking up the discarded item. "Well, then, I guess I can't force you. Oh! By the way, you don't mind if I give your research notes to the science department, do you?"
Edward froze. "You…"
"I am also assuming you've already discussed this choice with Alphonse, and he is completely fine with spending the rest of his life as a talking tin can, correct?" Roy folded his arms over his chest, tapping his finger against his bicep and watching as the boy in front of him struggled to find a retort. "Face it, Fullmetal. You're not leaving the military until I say so."
Edward glowered at him, fury burning in his eyes, and held out his hand for his watch. Roy dangled it just out of reach but didn't hand it over, engaging in a brief stare down before explaining his lack of cooperation.
"You can't just expect me to hand it to you, Fullmetal. You have to want it."
"But I don't want it. I just don't have a choice." Roy shrugged and started to lift the watch away, but Edward reached up and snatched it, growling under his breath. "Lieutenant Ross told me. She was unaware that I was not to be told. She was apologetic."
Roy raised a single eyebrow, giving the young alchemist an incredulous look. Was he honestly trying to beat the colonel at his own game? Even if Edward had had the face or the attitude to support that kind of cold, clinical conversation, there was simply no chance he could do it better than Roy Mustang.
"Thank you, Fullmetal. This information is helpful."
Edward's reply was sharp, his tone crisp and businesslike. "Information of Brigadier General Hughes' untimely demise would also have been helpful. That didn't stop you from concealing it from me."
Roy didn't miss a beat, effortlessly maintaining an utterly flat affect. "I hesitated to notify you of the deceased personnel because I had a hunch you would take responsibility upon yourself, thus impairing your productivity and efficiency."
"And you didn't think for one second that I might find out some other way?" Edward shouted suddenly, unable to keep playing the game, just as the colonel had predicted. "You didn't think that when I did discover the truth, I would not only be twice as devastated but completely lose any trust I had in you?"
Roy wasn't expecting that.
"You trust me?" His voice was thick with disbelief and laced with just enough mockery to hide his surprise.
"I did!" Bright, golden hues blazed with pure hate and fury, the watch creaking beneath the pressure of his tightly clenched automail fist.
Roy set his jaw, folding his arms behind his back and giving the boy a cold, unflinching stare. He trusted me?
Roy had always assumed Edward didn't trust anyone except his brother. Add to that the fact that Edward and authority didn't mix well, and it had simply never occurred to him that the young alchemist had somehow come to rely on his brutal honesty and tactless demeanor.
"Would you really have responded differently had I told you myself?" he asked, allowing a hint of sincerity to find its way into his voice.
"Of course, you idiot!" Edward chucked his watch at the colonel's head. "You've never softened the truth before, why would you start now?"
Roy caught the object midair, taking a step closer and narrowing his eyes at the young blonde. "Because I knew you would blame yourself for what happened."
Edward's face crumbled, and he looked down at the ground. "It was my fault."
Reaching out, Roy cupped his hand under Edward's chin and lifted his gaze until they made eye contact. "Edward, it wasn't your fault. Hughes had a heart for helping people. He loved his job, he loved to get into trouble, and I know he didn't regret a single minute of it. It's who he was, Edward. Don't take that away from him."
"Elicia will never see her father again, and it's my fault!" Edward smacked his hands against his own chest, the anger in his eyes dissolving as a heart-wrenching pain took its place. "Even if he didn't regret it, that doesn't mean I shouldn't! He loved his family so much..." He hung his head, clenching his fists at his sides. "He never stopped talking about them... he adored them, and they adored him... and now he's gone. He's gone, and it's my fault! He... he loved them so much..."
Roy spoke softly. "He loved you, too, Edward."
Edward stopped. His bottom lip quivered, and he slowly lowered his gaze until he was staring at the center of the blue military jacket in front of him. He leaned forwards slightly, taking a hesitant step forward... and then he threw himself against Roy's chest, shaking violently as the tears he had been holding in came pouring down his cheeks. Those tears he never cried. Tears from every failure, from every time he heard his brother turn down food or water, from every time he had a nightmare, from every time he stood at his mother's grave and did nothing but stare, dead-eyed, at the polished rock. It all came out, tearing its way through his frame with little regard for his dignity.
Roy rubbed his back slowly, resting his chin on the soft, blonde locks and letting out a heavy sigh as Edward clung to him. Too often, he forgot that the boy who served under him was just that—a boy. He was a child, trying his hardest to bear the weight of the world on his shoulders, and he rarely allowed himself the luxury of tears or self-pity. He always had to be strong, always had to take responsibility, always had to fix everything, always had to have the right answer.
"Shh... it's going to be alright." Roy looked down at the shaking figure in his arms, squeezing him gently.
"You don't know that," Edward sobbed. "You don't know that."
Roy let out another sigh. "No, I don't. But I have to believe that, because I'll lose my mind if I don't, and I can't afford that. I have a goal that I'm moving towards, and Hughes would never forgive me for stopping on his behalf."
Edward said nothing, still hiding his face in the colonel's chest and weeping openly.
"Edward." Roy pulled away and lowered himself to the boy's level, holding him by the shoulders and looking him right in the eyes. "I'm not forgetting Hughes. I'm going to keep moving towards my goals for Hughes. He believed in me, and he was willing to die for me. I can't let him down." He stopped, swallowing thickly, keeping his eyes completely dry. "He believed in you, too. Are you going to let him down?"
Edward shook his head, furiously wiping away his tears with his sleeves. "Not a chance."
Roy put a hand on his shoulder and straightened up, smiling slightly at him. "You and I are going to be alright, Ed. It won't be easy, but we're going to make Hughes proud."
"Right!" Edward sniffed one more time, and then his face broke into a wide grin. "But I'll make him proud before you do."
Roy threw his head back and laughed. "That's adorable, Fullmetal, but you might want to find a lead or two before you start making such wild assertions." He held his hand out near the blonde's head, keeping the palm facing down. "Besides, I think you'll have a hard time living up to his standards. You'll probably fall short."
"Who are you calling so short you could step on him accidentally and not even notice?!"
Roy put his hands on his hips and laughed a bit more before sobering. "If you feel up to it, I'll take you to the cemetery."
Edward lost his smile as well, and he shook his head. "No. Not today. But I will." He let out a heavy sigh and turned towards the door. "Right now, I need to go visit Gracia and Elicia... and Winry."
Edward started walking, but stopped after only three steps.
"Fullmetal?"
"Mustang... when did he die?" Edward turned away from the door to look at him. "What was the date?"
Roy frowned, his brow creasing. "Um, it was May 21st. Why?"
Edward opened his State Alchemist watch and pulled a small knife from his pocket, scratching it into the half without a clock face. "Nothing. Just don't want to forget it."
Roy gave him an odd look. "I... Alright, then. You're dismissed."
Edward nodded and walked out of the room, closing the door gently behind him. It was uncharacteristic for him, a perfect example of how devastated he really was. It was a perfect example of how much of a facade his happy, carefree attitude was.
Roy sighed and walked back to his desk, sitting down and staring blankly at the polished wood. Several minutes passed in silence, and then he opened his drawer, pulling out his pocket watch and a small switchblade. He opened the watch and stared at the cover for a moment, finally allowing tears to burn the backs of his eyes.
Hughes... I won't let you down. I'll make this right. I promise.
He lowered the tip of the blade to the metal surface and began to carve.
5.21.14.
