"Shh! Shadow, don't talk, that commercial is coming on again!"

Shadow, reclined on the sofa, gave the ivory bat an irritated glare. He didn't even say anything. He looked toward the television, then looked away, uninterested, and continued to read through the newspaper. Why Rouge raved about that commercial was beyond his understanding, but he found it easy to ignore.

"Hello, ladies," The man on the commercial said, in a smooth voice. Rouge gave a tiny squeal beside him, and Shadow rolled his crimson eyes.

Rouge loved this guy. It was just the way he talked, how ridiculously handsome he was, and most of all, the way he could make things magically appear just by looking away, and back again.

She loved him to death.

"Look at your man."

Rouge obeyed at once, jerking her neck around to glance at Shadow. Shadow glimpsed at her in slight astonishment. Not only because she reacted to the command so quickly, but because she was looking at him in response. He wasn't exactly sure what was going through her head right now, but he was sure he was not her 'man'.

"Now back to me."

Rouge switched her head again, her eyes glued to the screen.

"Now back at your man."

Shadow met her with a weary expression as she complied.

"Now back to me. Sadly, he isn't me."

Shadow rolled his eyes a second time as a disappointed look crossed the treasure hunter's features.

"But if he stopped using lady scented body wash and switched to Old Spice, he could smell like he's me."

The disappointment vanished from Rouge's face, replaced by a gleam of hope. Shadow was finding it hard to get back to his newspaper.

"Look down."

Rouge looked at her feet.

"Back up."

Rouge jolted upright.

"Where are you? You're on a boat with the man your man could smell like."

A blissful sigh escaped the bat's lips, and a dreamy look spread over her features before she became once again mesmerized by the commercial.

"What's in your hand?"

"Really, Rouge?" Shadow grumbled as Rouge eagerly looked at her palm.

"Back to me. I have it. It's an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love."

Rouge gasped excitedly, as if she actually possessed that…thing. Shadow was just thankful she didn't, because if she did, that other ticket would most likely fall into his hands, and she'd drag him to go see whatever it was with her. Oh, how thankful he was.

"Look again. The tickets are now diamonds."

In a flurry of brief hysteria, Rouge jumped off the couch, and lunged towards the television screen, her two gloved hands plastered against it hungrily. Shadow, who had fallen to the floor in her frenzy, picked himself off the ground and gave her an aggravated stare.

"Really, Rouge?"

"Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice and not a lady. I'm on a horse."

Rouge turned the television off, swiveling her head around to face Shadow. Shadow was surprised by the critical look she gave him. Accusing thoughts suddenly filled Rouge's mind.

Why doesn't he smell like that? Why can't he turn two wonderful tickets into even better diamonds? Why couldn't he make things appear by looking at him, and then looking away? Why wasn't he on a horse?

Several seconds of sheer annoyed silence passed between them.

"What?" Shadow finally asked.

Rouge stared at him inquisitively for a moment, before sighing exasperatingly.

"We're going to the store."

"Oh, come on, Rouge!" Shadow protested, throwing his hands in the air. "You can't be serious!"

"Oh, I assure you, I am. It's time you stopped using lady scented products."

"I don't use lady scented products!"

Rouge arched an unconvinced eyebrow. "Suave?"

"Yeah; Suave for men."

". . . But . . . the horse . . ."

Shadow rolled his eyes for the third time, turning around curtly. "I don't have to put up with this."


A/N: I love the Old Spice commercials. :D This was just a random one-shot that came to me when I was watching the original Old Spice commercial. I immediately thought of Shadow and Rouge. Oh, and if you didn't already know, Suave is an actual body wash. And yes, they do have a version for men, too.

Disclaimer: I do not own Sonic the Hedgehog, or it's characters, or Old Spice, OR Suave.

So . . . sequel? Maybe? I could see this one-shot morphing into a story with a few chapters in it. I dunno.

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