Title: Til Death Do Us Part
Pairing: Cora/Sarah (femslash)
Author s Note: inspired by the trailer for Series Two: Episode Eight and backed up by some of the spoilers floating around. So if you don t want to be spoiled, I d wait until after next week s episode is broadcast before reading this.
Summary: 'O'Brien stages a bedside vigil' 'most poignant scenes' 'tries to confess her past sins'
Sarah O'Brien felt utterly exhausted. A tiredness she had never known existed until now swept through her, leaving her broken and boneless. The last tentative hold she had over her emotions broke like a dam and it was all she could do to make it out into the yard. Fortunately Thomas had followed her and was in time to catch her as she collapsed. She wanted to scream aloud but the tightness in her chest prevented one from being released. Sarah wanted to sob until she had no more tears to cry, but she hadn't the energy to make a sound. However, the silent tears that had been staining her face these past ten days continued to flow unnoticed. Thomas held her gently as she struggled to express her feelings. She looked almost as ill as Her Ladyship had been; sallow eyes, grey pallor and her usual immaculate bun was unkempt and matted. Sarah struggled in Thomas's embrace until his whispered words of comfort got through and she sank against his chest. Finally the strength came and wracking sobs escaped from deep inside of her. Thomas had never heard such a chilling sound and it cut right through to his own bruised and battered heart.
"Ssh Sarah, she's alright. She's going to pull through; she's over the worst now." Thomas repeated the words over and over until Sarah had calmed and quietened. He got her over to the wooden bench and sat down, half pulling her into his lap as she composed herself sufficiently to speak.
"I'm sorry Thomas, so sorry..."
"Don't be, I understand. Why didn't you tell me?"
"It's none of your business!"
"This is me Sarah; don't you think out of anyone I would understand the most? I know what it's like to be different, to love someone you shouldn't."
"You've hardly been compassionate before!"
"You've never given me the chance!" Thomas allowed a few moments for the sting of his words to leave the air.
"Talk to me Sarah, tell me what you feel."
Sarah wondered how to begin; did he want to know the sordid details of Her Ladyship's illness? What words were spoken or left unspoken in the last few days? How Lord Grantham had behaved abominably during his wife's struggle for survival? Or did he want to know when she had tragically fallen in love with her mistress? Or list the women she had bedded in the past? Or when she knew she was queer, just like him?
They were interrupted by Mrs Hughes clearing her throat beside the bench. It must have been an odd sight to observe the usually stoic and sometimes caustic Lady's Maid cuddled up to her strange and troublesome sidekick. Sarah immediately sat up straight fearing the worst.
"She's not..?"
"No, Lady Mary's still sitting with her. It's you I'm worried about. You've barely slept in ten days, you need a proper rest. Go on up to your room and I'll have Daisy fetch you some tea and supper."
"There's no need Mrs Hughes, a couple of hours sleep and I'll go back to Her Ladyship."
"I'll not take no for an answer. You're no good to Lady Grantham half ill yourself! Go!" Sarah unsteadily got to her feet and made her way back into the house. Mrs Hughes turned towards Downton s one-time footman.
"I hope you ve not been mithering Miss O Brien?" Thomas raised his eyebrow at his old boss.
"Just trying to be a friend Mrs Hughes, everyone needs one now and then, especially the way things are right now. I'm sure you understand that don t you? How is Mr Carson by the way?" Thomas chuckled as he wandered off somewhere else to cause trouble, leaving a flustered Mrs Hughes in his wake.
Sarah had managed to eat some soup and bread and drink some tea. She then freshened herself up with a bath before sleeping for ten hours straight. By the time Mrs Hughes came to wake her she was ready to return to Lady Grantham s bedside.
"What's the news?"
"Lady Grantham is awake, but still weak. She s spoken to the girls and His Lordship briefly and then she asked for you. Do you think you re up to resuming your duties?"
"I don t consider caring for Her Ladyship a duty Mrs Hughes. I m doing it because I want to!"
"I'll take that as a yes then Miss O Brien."
Anna pottered around Lady Grantham s bedroom picking up the laundry and tidying things away as she went. The lady of the house lightly dozed on her fresh bed sheets as she awaited the arrival of her lady s maid. Anna reached for the door handle and yelped in surprise as it opened inwards to meet her. Sarah quietly stepped through, giving the maid a disapproving glare before quickly seeking sight of her mistress. She turned back to Anna and raised her eyebrow looking for an explanation.
"Sorry, I mustn t have heard you knock."
"No, you mustn t. You d better get that downstairs, I m taking over now." Anna nodded in reluctant acceptance and left clutching the laundry bag in her arms. Cora stirred at the sound of hushed voices and opened her eyes as the door closed behind Anna.
"Ah, my darling Sarah...I ve been waiting for you." Sarah hovered by the door not quite meeting Lady Grantham s eyes.
"Come, take a seat over here." Sarah stiffly obeyed, convinced that this was the end and she was to be given her notice. She took up the seat she d vacated only a few hours before, her heart remained heavy albeit for a different reason this time. Cora reached out weakly and waited for Sarah to take her hand. This time Sarah met her gaze without fear, knowing that her fate had already been sealed. This punishment had been a long time in coming and Sarah almost felt relieved that it was finally going to be delivered.
"I heard what you said whilst I was ill you know. I may not have been able to respond, but I heard every word." Sarah dropped the Countess s gaze in shame and willed the tears to keep hidden for a few moments longer. An unsteady hand cupped her left cheek and forced her head back up to meet her employer s eyes once more.
"I understand and I forgive you." Sarah gasped in shock and the tears rebelliously spilled forth. She shook her head knowing that Cora had misunderstood her confession.
"No, you can t. You don't understand..." Cora placed a finger over Sarah's lips and smiled sadly.
"Yes I do, I forgive you and that's the end of it." Sarah gave her mistress a small, but unconvincing nod. The finger at her lips moved gently over them and round to cup her other cheek.
"I also remember you telling me something about how you feel about me, but I can t quite remember the words. Perhaps you could repeat them?" Sarah snapped her head up and looked directly at the Countess once again.
"M'lady? I don't understand?" Sarah wondered if this was a set up and delivery of her real punishment was to begin with humiliation. But Lady Grantham appeared to be sincere and Sarah couldn t believe she would be so calculating only a few scant hours from the clutches of a certain death. She took a deep breath and gathered all the courage she could muster, looking deep into Her Ladyship s eyes as she said the words.
"I love you; with all my heart, body and soul. Lord knows it's a sin but I can't help the way I feel." Cora smiled; the biggest, most genuine smile Sarah had witnessed for a long time.
"Oh that s good, because that's what I thought you had said." Cora drew herself up and pulled Sarah closer until their foreheads were touching and Sarah was almost lying on top of her on the bed.
"Kiss me Sarah." There was a quiet desperation to Her Ladyship's voice, almost as though she had been waiting for this moment as long as Sarah had.
"What about his Lordship M'lady?"
"He's had his mistress. I agreed to stay and keep up appearances if I could have mine. Strangely he agreed."
"He doesn t mind?" Sarah was both baffled and oddly chuffed at this latest development.
"I wouldn't say that exactly, but he knows he doesn t really have a choice. Now, enough talk about my...estranged...husband and kiss me already!" Sarah obliged her mistress and pressed her lips against the Countess's gently. The thrill of it shook her to the core and everything she had been feeling these past ten days poured itself into showing Her Ladyship exactly how she felt.
