Girl, you're only a child
I can see what you want
but you seem pretty young
to be searching for that kind of fun
so maybe I'm not the one
you're so cute, I like your style
&& I know what you mean
when you give me a flash of that smile
Does Your Mother Know – Abba
"Marry me, Teddy," she demands with liquid chocolate eyes shining and the biggest smile on her face. She's just a child so she doesn't understand that in real life it would be impossible but, right now, she lives with her head in the clouds and he truly believes that she'll forget all about it.
"Of course," he tells her with a grin because he thinks it's all just a game. "What would you like? Something big and fancy?"
She scrunches up her nose as though she's disgusted and he smiles at the sight.
"No. None of that fancy stuff," she says and the seriousness on her face make him laugh because Lily's always been about dungeons, dragons and knights rather than palaces, unicorns and princesses. He could never imagine her in a big white dress walking down the aisle.
"Okay," he tells her and her eyes, well, they sparkle with hope.
"Right, you are the princess,' she announces brightly, "and I'll be the knight."
It's a game they play often and nobody else can quite understand how he can put up with being the damsel in distress to Lily's dragon warrior all the time. He does though because he loves her, like the little sister he's never had.
:-:
She falls out with him when she's nine and he just doesn't understand why but every time he goes round to visit she's nowhere to be found. He begins to feel disheartened and he finds himself writing about her in owls to Victoire who doesn't seem to understand it either. They've never fallen out before. So he apparates round one day, unannounced, and he bounds up the stairs to Lily's bedroom. She's lying on her bed staring at the sparkling dragon on her ceiling that her Aunt Luna painted for her. The Weasley blush rises on her cheeks when she sees him and he gives her the lopsided grin that he knows she loves.
"Hey Lils," he says with fake cheerfulness as he plops himself down on the edge of her bed. "What's up?"
She sits up looking embarrassed and keeping her eyes carefully averted from him. He isn't used to this shy Lily. She's never been shy in her entire life.
"Hi Teddy," she says in a small voice and it almost scares him because Lily's never like this.
"Lily," he says her name tenderly, "why aren't you talking to me?'
She seemed to blush more but he can barely see her face due to the curtain of hair that has fallen between them.
"C'mon dragon warrior," he teases tickling her, "you can tell me what's wrong."
Lily's never been ticklish so she doesn't giggle but he sees a small smile spread on her face and he feels a small wave of triumph in his chest. He's never been the best person at talking about feelings and the best thing about Lily is that she isn't all that great at it either.
He watches her closely as she tucks her curtain of her fiery hair behind her ear and looks at him. Her expression is carefully guarded which surprises him. He has seen that expression on Lily's face before but it has never been directed at him.
"It's Victoire," she tells him after a moment. "You love her more than me."
Teddy stares at her dumbstruck for a moment. He hadn't connected the day at King's Cross station with Lily not speaking to him. He looks at her little face that's so serious and then wraps his arm around her shoulders comfortingly.
"Don't be daft, Lily," he tells her. "I'll always love you best."
His promise makes her smile, the guarded expression gone and she squeezes him tightly around the waist. He's just so glad that she's talking to him again that he doesn't realise what his promise could mean.
:-:
As the years pass his promise is forgotten and, even if he had remembered it, he would have brushed it off as childish. Victoire has been hinting at marriage for a couple of years now and, since they've been together for eight years, he does the right thing. So he buys her a ring that is both beautiful and expensive and he grins like an idiot when she gushes yes wrapping her delicate arms around him. He can't quite understand why at the moment she said yes Lily's face flashed before his eyes.
He tries to curb Victoire's desire to tell everyone straight away because he can't comprehend this feeling of guilt in his chest.
"Oh, a party, Teddy!" she proclaims in delight as though he had thought of it. "Where should we have it?"
He doesn't answer and just allows her to have a one-sided conversation on where they should announce their engagement. As she plans he tries to force Lily from his mind. It's nearly the summer holidays and she'll be back from her final year at Hogwarts. He doesn't know why he keeps thinking of her when she should be focusing on what Victoire is saying about the engagement party.
She decides to have it at The Burrow and she plans it all out the last detail. Her family is curious when they hear that she's throwing a party but, to Teddy's amazement, she doesn't let it slip to anyone at all. He lets her drag him shopping for something to wear and he marvels over how beautiful she looks in anything. The guilty feeling hasn't receded but he has learnt to ignore it because he has no idea what it is.
:-:
The party seems to roll round rather quickly and The Burrow is decked out in fairies with delicate gold and red glitter everywhere. He is nervous as he smiles and talks to everyone, wondering briefly if he should have asked Bill's permission first. The Potters are the last to arrive and Teddy can't seem to breathe as his gaze falls on Lily. Her strapless purple dress seems to make her taller and the slit up one side allows for an occasional glimpse of impossibly long legs. Purple and silver glitter sparkles on her shoulders and her fiery hair has been chopped to an inverted bob. She's all grown up and for a moment Teddy feels his knees weaken with desire.
He is snapped out of his trance by James greeting him and he tears his eyes away from Lily to fall on the glorious creature beside James. He is almost certain that the three most beautiful women in the world are standing within three metres of him.
"Hey James," he says with a smile. "Hey Olly."
"Hey big cuz," Olly responds with a grin, her black hair tumbling about her face in a way that reminds him of his grandmother, "nice bash."
"Victoire's idea," he tells her meekly claiming no part in the spectacle.
"Are we celebrating anything particular?' asks James with a knowing grin and Teddy can't stop his eyes from flickering to Lily.
"Nope," he says innocently.
"My mum keeps saying that it's about time you and Vic settled down," James tells him. "I keep telling her that you two are already an old married couple."
He laughs along with James but feels uncomfortable under the speculative gaze of Olly. He knows how perceptive Olly is and how in tune she is to those around her. He just has to hope that she hasn't noticed or that, if she does, she'll think nothing of it.
He excuses himself from James and Olly to greet Harry and Ginny. He can't see Lily now. She seems to have disappeared into the throng of people and he fights the instinct to look for her. He can see Victoire out of the corner of his eyes as she smiles and laughs with Dominique's husband, Joshua White. He knows that Victoire was upset by her little sister getting married before her.
He leaves Harry and Ginny after a few minutes to disappear indoors for the toilet. He can feel the nerves fluttering in his stomach, ten times worse than when he actually proposed. Everyone has arrived now and it wouldn't be long before they announced that they were getting married. The thought makes him sweat a little and he is conscious of the stab of guilt in his chest.
Lily accosts him outside the toilet, making him jump. He looks down at her in her beautiful dress and he eyes are sparkling like the glitter on her shoulders.
"Hey Lily," he says with a smile blaming his racing heart of the fact she had given him a fright.
"Teddy," she breathes his name as she draws closer to him and he inhales the delicious scent of her perfume. He tries to move back but he's right up against the wall and he can feel the delicate curve of her breast against his chest.
"Lily, I really need to ..."
"I love you," she interrupts him quietly. "I'm in love with you."
He stares at her speechless for a moment and does nothing to stop her as she leans forwards and places her soft lips against his. He closes his eyes, trying not to see, trying to pretend that Lily, his godfather's daughter, isn't the one kissing him. It doesn't work though because he can smell her and feel her and suddenly instinct takes over. He kisses her back and his hands are in her hair clutching her to him. She taste of champagne and strawberries and he can feel the heat of her body pressed tightly against his own. All he can think is LilyLilyLily but somewhere in his brains he registers how wrong this is and he pulls away gasping for air.
"Lily," he gasps as he released her and he notices that her back is now against the wall although he hadn't realised they had moved.
"Yes Teddy?" she questions as she leans towards him again and he grabs her shoulder to keep her back.
"I can't do this, Lily," he tells her with a firmness he doesn't feel. "We can't do this. You're only a child."
She simply looks at him and he lets go of her shoulders, his arms dropping to his sides. It's deadly quiet and he can't even hear the music from outside.
"I'm not a child," she says eventually. "You never let age stop us from being friends."
"It's okay for us to be friends," he tells her trying to ignore the pain in his chest. "You just can't be in love with me, Lily. We can't ..."
"Bollocks!" she tells him forcefully. "That is a load of bollocks, Teddy Lupin."
"You're just a child and I'm far too ..."
"Teddy," a voice calls and he knows it is time to go. He turns to walk away but Lily grabs his arm.
"Don't run away from me," she warns him. "You know that you love me too."
"I don't, Lily," he replies. "Not that way. I love you like a sister."
"Teddy," the voice calls again.
"Brothers don't kiss their sisters they way you just kissed me," she says harshly. "Stop pretending that this isn't something more."
"But it's not Lily," he tells her in anguish and his skin feels like it's burning where her hand is gripping his arm.
"Teddy."
"Is this about Victoire?"
"No," he exclaims glancing down the corridor where the calling voice seemed to be getting closer. "This is about you. Your father would kill me and I'm ten years older than you. Can't you find a nice boy your own age?"
"Teddy."
"It's always been you, Teddy,' Lily says her voice almost pleading. "I've always been in love with you."
"Teddy, there you are."
Lily releases his arm just as Albus comes into view looking so disturbingly like his father that Teddy very nearly has a heart attack.
"Vic's asking for you," Al tells him with a grin obviously not noticing the tension thick air that saturates the small corridor.
"Thanks, Al."
He doesn't even look back at Lily as he makes his way back outside but he can feel her eyes upon him. He tries to drown out Al's chattering voice and the click of her heels on the wooden floor.
Victoire is waiting for him just outside the back door and she looked like an angel when she smiles at him, slipping her hand into the crook of his arm. She then clears her throat delicately as she turns to face the members of their families. Behind him Teddy can feel Lily's eyes staring into his back as she hovers at the doorway with Al.
"I know you all thought it would never happen," Victoire announces, her voice like a shimmering bell, "and I know Uncle George has a betting pool on it but Teddy and I are officially getting married."
As deafening cheers erupt into the night sky Teddy feels his heart sink because maybe he has just been fooling himself, maybe he just wanted to believe that he loved Lily like a little sister. So as people surge forward to congratulate them, he slowly turns round and steels himself for the blow of Lily's shattered face. She's not there and there is a twinge in his heart that could be a crack. He hangs his head in shame to see that his hands are covered in Lily's purple and silver glitter.
:-:
He tries to contain his desolation as he listens to Victoire planning their wedding and he feels lost because Lily hides away whenever he goes round to his Uncle Harry's. She won't speak to him, she won't look at him and he knows that her parents are starting to get suspicious. When Victoire announces that Lily should be a bridesmaid he tries his hardest to dissuade her.
"Don't be silly, Teddy," Victoire tells him. "Lily is like your little sister. She has to be part of the wedding and, anyway, I've already asked her.
He stares at her in horror trying to ignore the new crack in his heart as Victoire mentions that Lily is like a sister to him.
"What did she say?"
"Yes, of course."
He can't stop himself from going round to his godfather's house that night, the moment Vic has left, and he is furious for some reason that he doesn't understand. He erupts through the door demanding to see Lily only to be told that she isn't there.
He leaves as quickly as he arrived to avoid the questions that would surely be asked and he doesn't bother to find out where she has gone. He doesn't want to go back to his flat that's covered in Wedding magazines and he really just needs to talk to someone. So he apparates to Olly's flat because Olly is the person who knows how to keep a secret. She's not there and he decides that she'll probably be at that muggle club that she loves so much.
He apparates into a dark alleyway arriving to the sound of music coming from the wall beside him and he heads inside Club Synergy. He feels out of place amongst the muggle men dressed in black trousers and crisp shirts. He scans through the crowd edging towards the dance floor and the men around it are staring towards it so he's almost sure he's found Olly.
He pushes to the front of the crowd and his eyes land on Olly who looks stunning in a figure-hugging red dress, dancing around her hair flying around her. He is just about to call out to her when his gaze falls on the girl beside her. She's electrifying with her fiery hair tousled and her eyes dark. She's wearing a tight black dress with killer heels and she is dancing so wantonly it makes his heart ache. She's so LilyLilyLily and yet a complete stranger because maybe in his mind she isn't desirable to anyone but him. The faces of the men around him tell him just how wrong he is. He wants nothing more than to march out onto the floor and drag her off but he waits until the two girls head to the bar before he grabs Lily's arm.
"What the hell do you think you are doing?" he yelled at her as she swings round with Olly beside her whose hand is already grasping her wand.
"Having fun," she retorts coldly when she gets over the fright.
"Teddy, what are you doing here?" asks Olly puzzled relaxing her grasp on her wand.
"I came to find you," he practically growls at her causing her to raise her eyebrow. "What is she doing here?"
"Trying to find a boy my own age," she tells him sourly folding her arms across her chest and Teddy can't deny that her statement stings.
"Does your mother know that you're out?" he spits at her.
"It's none of your business, Teddy," Lily shouts at him narrowing her eyes. "I'm not a child."
Lily turns on her heel and storms off into the crowd. Teddy makes to follow her but is stopped quite firmly by Olly who is wearing an exasperated expression on her face.
"Don't bother, Teddy," Olly tells him. "Look, I get it that you don't want to hurt Vic and maybe you're scared of what might happen if you admit your feelings for Lily but, for Merlin's sake, please don't act like her father."
"Olly, she's just a kid," Teddy began to argue. "She shouldn't be in here."
"Don't talk tosh," Olly says with a frown and Teddy can see the muggle men around them watching her every moved, ready to leap to her defence if need be. "You took me out places before I was old enough. You're just pissed because you've suddenly realised that she isn't that little girl anymore and one day, Teddy, you're going to kick yourself for letting her get away."
"She's like my little sister," Teddy tries to protest wondering why he is bothering since Olly can tell immediately when he is lying.
"Oh wake up and smell the Amortentia," Olly snaps a little and Teddy recoils slightly because Olly never snaps at anyone. "You and Lily were meant to be together. Stop being a coward."
Teddy doesn't even know how to reply and Olly doesn't give him the chance. She turns away from him and disappears into the crowd after Lily. All he can do is watch her leave and he doesn't quite understand what just happened. All he had wanted was to speak to Olly about his feelings and all his confusion and instead he just hurt Lily more.
:-:
Teddy has never thought of himself as someone to wallow in self pity but he was quite plainly doing so. He has never felt so strange in his life. Everything feels wrong. He has to double check every time he puts on his shoes because they feel wrong, drinking pumpkin juice feels wrong, talking feels wrong. It is all just completely wrong and he can't get his head round it. How was he supposed to function on a daily basis if nothing was right?
He doesn't know who to turn to. His friends wouldn't understand and his family, well his family are her family. His wishes he hadn't annoyed Olly. He knows that she won't still be mad at him but something is holding him back, shame maybe.
"What's wrong Teddy?" asks his grandmother Andromeda from across the table. It's Sunday and Teddy is round at his grandmother's house for dinner. He looks up at her and she is watching him carefully, just like Molly does when she thinks he's getting too thin.
"Nothing really, gran," he tells her as he stirs his mash potato around on his plate. Andromeda frowns a little at this answer.
"Not good enough, Teddy," she replies with a brief smile. "Tell me what's up."
"It's nothing important, gran," Teddy tries again because he really doesn't want to discuss it with his grandmother of all people.
"Is it Lily then?" Andromeda asks him calmly taking a sip of her drink.
Teddy looks up at her wild eyed.
"How did you know?"
"Ted, the last time you were this upset it was because Lily had stopped talking to you," she tells him. "Do you remember when that was?"
He shakes his head staring at his grandmother as though she had suddenly sprouted another head.
"Don't look at me like that Teddy," Andromeda told him with a frown. "Do you think I don't remember your teenage sulkiness when Lily stopped talking to you about eight years ago? All I heard for weeks was you complaining that Lily wouldn't talk to you and you've got the same face on now as you did then. So stop telling me nothing and tell me the truth."
Teddy cursed himself inwardly. Between his grandmother and Olly it was difficult to have any private thoughts in his head.
"Do you think I am doing the right thing?" Teddy asks her hesitantly. "You know, marrying Vic?"
"It's not about what I think is the right thing, Ted," Andromeda tells him with a sigh, "it's about what you think is right. You're twenty-seven now. I thought you'd be able to make these decisions for yourself."
Teddy looks at the table cloth frowning. The lace patterns seem to jump out at his eyes and for some reason it reminds him of Lily even though Lily and lace didn't go together.
"I don't want to hurt, Vic," Teddy admits. "I love her but ..."
"But not like you love Lily," Andromeda continues for him.
Teddy glances up at her again absentmindedly playing with the table cloth.
"I am far too old for Lily," he complains, "I'm twenty-seven and she's seventeen. Harry would kill me and Vic would be devastated."
"Victoire would move on," Andromeda tells him. "She's a strong woman and she's a Weasley. They bounce back from this kind of thing. Your father didn't want to marry your mother ..."
"Yeah, yeah," Teddy interrupts her, having heard the story before, "because he was a werewolf."
"Not just because he was a werewolf, Teddy," his grandmother corrects him sternly. "Your father didn't want to marry your mother because he thought he was too old for her. He was thirteen years Dora's senior. Of course being a werewolf was a big part of it and when your mother became pregnant with you it scared the life out of him. He never thought he was good enough for my daughter but she was persistent. She fought against his better judgement until he finally came round."
"Yeah but granddad wasn't going to kill him," Teddy mutters.
"You're acting like a child," Andromeda says. "Listen to me Ted, your mother loved your father to stick by him through everything, to keep persisting but he wasn't marrying someone else. Now either you get your act together or else you'll wake up one day to find that Lily has moved on, because she will, and you'll have no one but yourself to blame for it."
:-:
Teddy ponders what his grandmother has said for weeks. He paces pretty much every day, when he is alone, around his flat because it seems like the only way his thoughts will straighten themselves out. It feels like a big mess inside his head and he kind of wishes someone would wipe his memory completely so he could start afresh. He knows that it isn't going to happen though and he hates that he is so indecisive.
He develops a taste for firewhisky one evening and he drinks far too much. He ends up pulling memories haphazardly from his head to watch them twirl in front of him and for some reason he finds himself crying at his memory of Lily asking him to marry her.
He wakes the next morning and strangely he feels clearer than he ever has done before despite the pounding headache and a stomach that feels as though he's consumed a whole bunch of puking pastilles. He swallows his pride as he gets dressed and then floos over to Olly's flat landing in the grate with much spluttering and vowing never to floo again with a hangover.
"Teddy, are you all right?" Olly calls as she helps him to his feet and as Teddy straightens up he sees that she isn't alone.
"Hey Olly, hey James," he says weakly feeling rather dizzy. "I'm never drinking then flooing again."
"I could have told you that was a bad idea mate," James told him as he helped over to Olly's couch. "You look like shit."
"Thanks," Teddy tells his god brother rolling his eyes before he glances at Olly who is hovering over him. "Forgive me?"
"Of course, Teddybear," Olly tells him using his grandmother's embarrassing nickname. "I know you don't mean to be an arse."
"Why were you being an arse?" asks James looking between his girlfriend and Teddy.
"Because he's in love with your sister but marrying your cousin," Olly tells James briefly.
"Oh that."
Teddy looks at James curiously. He didn't really think James was that observational.
"He's my boyfriend," Olly says defensively when Teddy looks at her suspiciously. "Of course I let him into things that I know are going on, occasionally."
"Never mind, I don't care," he says before looking at Olly beseechingly. "I really need your help."
:-:
He walks silently through the path o the forest slightly annoyed that he hasn't been able to apparate closer. His footsteps sound so loud in the stillness that surrounds him. He feels nervous and the acid in his stomach is churning away making him feel sick. He keeps moving though knowing that if he falters for one moment, he will lose his nerve. There are lights ahead him from flaming torches and the gates loom out of the darkness. He wonders briefly why he hadn't bothered to wait until the weekend to come here.
He reaches the gate and there are two wizards standing guard. They watch him with wary expressions as he approaches them. They are both wearing full Wizarding robes whilst he is dressed in muggle clothing of jeans and a shirt but they know he is no muggle. There is no way he would have made it this far if he was.
"Hi," he begins addressing one of the wizards. "I'm ..."
"Hey Ted."
He looks up to see a red haired man jogging towards him in a ripped t-shirt and a pair of dirty black trousers. He can see the thick yellow paste on his shoulder through the tear in the fabric.
"Hey."
"It's all right, Juniper," the man says to the wizard Ted had started talking too, "I'm expecting him."
Teddy follows him through a small door in one of the huge gates quietly. He can hear roars in the distance as he walks swiftly towards a collection of building which seems oddly arranged to the right hand side.
"She's going to be really pleased to see you, you know."
"How is she?" Teddy asks.
"She's great, doing really well and she's master the basics very quickly. She gets a little bit too attached sometimes though. It's like looking at Hagrid watching her coo over the hatchlings."
Teddy smiles a little in the darkness because it's just so her.
"You'll find her in there, Ted. It's her turns to do the dishes."
Teddy looks at where he is pointing and he sees the light on in the window.
"Thanks, Charlie," he says with a grateful smile and Charlie claps him on the back in a friendly fashion.
"Take care of her, mate."
Teddy nods and then takes a deep breath. He strides over to the ramshackle house and pushes open the door before he can worry over whether to knock or not. As he enters he can hear humming and he turns to see her standing with her elbows deep in soapy water, her back to him. Her fiery hair is tied back in a ponytail and the jeans and t-shirt she is wearing are singed in places. He doesn't think she's ever looked so beautiful.
"Lily," he breathes. Immediately the humming stops and she freezes with her hands still in the sink. Slowly she turns her head, twisting her body slightly until she sees him.
"Teddy," she says astonished, "what are you doing here?"
"Looking for you," he tells her softly. Her eyes seem to narrow slightly and he can sense her guard is now up, on full alert.
"Well, you've found me," she answers him coolly. "What do you want?"
"Can we talk?" he asks barely capable of keeping the pleading note out of his voice.
"So talk," she says.
He swallows not quite sure where to begin. This was even harder than breaking up with Victoire and, Merlin that had been difficult.
"Look I just wanted to tell you that I am a complete idiot," he says in a rush, "and that I am sorry for hurting you like I did. I really didn't mean it. Can you forgive me?"
She looks at him for a moment with a look that could have come straight off her grandmother's face.
"You're forgiven," she says shortly before she turns back to the washing up.
He stares at her back dumbfounded for a moment.
"Is that it? I came all the way here for that," he says angrily unable to help himself for a moment.
"What did you want Teddy?" she asks whirling round suddenly as though she was expecting and spraying soap bubbles everywhere. "Did you think you could just apologise and it would all be okay? Did you expect us to be able to go back to being best friends? Well, I can't. I want more than to be your best friend."
"Lily," he says gently trying to sound too relieved by what she has said, "I didn't come here to ask you to have me back as your best friend."
"Then why did you bother coming?" she asks him his teeth clashing. "I know that you don't love me so there was no need to come all the way to Romania, to interrupt my studies, just so you can rub it in my face that you are happy."
"Lily," he says desperately trying to stop her before she wound herself too tight, "I came here to beg your forgiveness and to tell you that I love you. I'm in love with you."
Lily looks at him astounded for a moment and Teddy forces back the laughter as he looks at her staring at him with soap bubbles running down her arms and dripping slowly onto the stone floor.
"What about Victoire?" she says in a quiet voice after a moment.
"It's over," he tells her softly. "I've been so blind and so stupid. I was so worried about the age gap and I was convinced it was just a phase you were going through but I love you, completely, only you. Can you forgive me?"
He tries his best to look humble when he's really just focusing on stopping his knees trembling. Lily is looking at him as though she has no idea what to say and she looks around the room in bewilderment as though the kettle is suddenly going to spring to life and give her some advice. She looks back at him and her eyes, well, they sparkle with hope, and mischief.
"You know I don't see you begging," she tells him slyly.
Teddy should have known it was coming but she caught him unawares and he smiles a little as he slowly gets down on his knees. He clasps his hand in front of him and looks up at her beseechingly.
"Please, oh mighty Dragon Warrior, forgive me," he says jokingly and he's rewarded as she laughs, her flaming curls seeming to dance.
She runs across the room as he gets to his feet and flings herself in his arms and his heart his no longer in his throat as he holds her tightly to him.
"Oh Teddy," she whispers to him quietly, "I was afraid you'd never figure it out."
"Well, someone told me to wake up and smell the Amortentia," he tells her with a laugh. "I'm so sorry, Lily. I never ever wanted to hurt you but apparently I'm as much a fool as my father before me."
She laughs a little as she looks up at him and she fits directly under his chin, like they are two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. He lowers his head slowly and kisses her softly on the mouth. It should have been their first kiss and neither of them have the strength to break away. He holds her tighter and her hands slide up into his hair and suddenly there are bubbles running down his face.
Ooooh I love writing TeddyLily.
I hope you guys enjoyed it.
As ever I love to know your opinion.
Still not fixed my f key.
So sorry for any f related mistakes.
Reviews are the bollocks to my dog.
Kerr X.
