Started on November 8th, 2007, after reading a bunch of CI fics and then thinking of Britt Nicole songs. Song's called World That Breaks, and it's Britt Nicole's. The whole song. Hence the "Spiritual" label. You don't like spiritual CI, you don't need to read the fic, kay? Kay. D
Anyway. Not mine, but I love it and it reminded me of CI. Sort of from Eames's POV. Probably extremely OOC, but bear with me.
CI isn't mine, either. If it was, I probably wouldn't be writing fanfiction.
Major Case Squad Detective Alexandra Eames regarded her partner gently, considering the concentrated look on his face in relation to the case they were currently working. It was affecting him, she knew, but more than it was hitting her. And that was saying something.
I see it everyday
We say it's only living
Like life is only pain
I see heartbreak on every face
Their job almost required their mental capacities and emotional strength to be greater than the normal person's. They dealt with heartbreak and tragedy and death every case, every day. And not just on the faces of the witnesses and friends and family of the victim. Oh, no, pain was etched on all kinds of faces, even Bobby's. Maybe he didn't realize it, or he didn't want others to see it, but she knew. She knew him well enough—too well, almost—to catch his mood swings, the effects of cases on the brilliant man she called her partner.
Hurt we can't erase
Dreams that fade away
Like we're all just lost at sea
A lot of the pain was the long-term effect of a not-so-great childhood, and it seemed as if it was heightened during cases with hurting, abandoned or abused children or mentally challenged victims. And even though a lot of the mental effects still lingered in Goren's personality, Eames was sure some of them had faded as he had grown and matured and learned to ignore things he didn't care for. Once in a while, though, she noticed the facial expressions, the small indicators that Bobby was thinking of his own life experiences—his glazed eyes, his blank expression—and it sometimes worried her.
We need, we need an answer, a hope
And an end to the searching
We need, we need a portrait of grace
Just one steady thing
In a world that aches
In a world that breaks
Eames sighed and leaned back in her chair, still pondering her partner, who appeared oblivious to her gaze. If only he knew what was on her mind, how she wished the world they lived in wasn't so unjust. How she hoped one day children would be loved as they should be, rules wouldn't be broken and parents wouldn't leave their children in incapable hands while they got in trouble with the law and had to "go away" for a while. How she prayed for something to jolt the earth from its stupor and make everyone realize that they were being extremely ridiculous getting into so much trouble and how they were affecting their children. Didn't they realize children who don't get enough love could end up becoming serial killers? Didn't they want to prevent that fate for their children?
Somehow before life began
You saw broken man
But You had a perfect plan
Although she wasn't an overly-religious person, Eames knew a few people who attribute Goren's attitude and knowledge and yes, even what he faced every day at work to God or Jesus or…something Biblical. And maybe they were right. Maybe God had foreseen Goren's life and struggles and had actually planned them specifically for him.
You would send your only Son
The Holy gift of love
And He would be enough
To erase all the pain of man
Heck, maybe He'd sent his Son to die for every person who did and would inhabit planet Earth, even the criminals. Maybe He'd been serious about saving souls and comforting those in pain.
You are, You are the answer, the hope You are, You are the answer
And the end to the searching
You are, You are the portrait of grace
You're the one steady thing
In a world that aches
In a world that breaks
You are, You are the answer
You are, You are the answer
Jesus, You are
Exasperated, Alex gave a huff that caused Bobby to look up from the file he was currently fascinated with and frown as he asked, "Something wrong, Eames?"
She sighed again, sarcasm seeping as she replied, "No, Bobby, everything's peachy."
Bobby's eyebrows rose and his head tilted a bit as he repeated in disbelief, "Peachy? Since when do you use the word "peachy," Eames?"
Alex rolled her eyes. That's the point, Genius.
Before she could reply, Bobby shook his head, waving his hand in dismissal of the question. "Never mind. Forget I asked. So what's the matter?"
His hands were clasped under his chin, his eyes open in almost fascination, and Alex almost snorted at the characteristic pose.
"Could you not look at me like I'm a criminal you're trying to befriend to elicit a confession?" she requested, her eyebrows rising pointedly.
"Well, how would you like me to look at you?" Bobby asked nonchalantly, tilting his head the other direction and moving his fist to his cheek.
"Okay, anybody else would think you're bored and uninterested…" Alex began, and he finished the sentence with, "But by now you know that that's not necessarily the case."
Eames nodded, and Bobby smiled, prodding, "So, what's on your mind?"
Alex sighed, replying, "Honestly, you."
Her partner's eyebrows rose, and she continued quickly, "And the case. How it's affecting you."
Bobby folded his hands behind his head and leaned back in his chair, inquiring undauntedly, "Really?"
Now it was Alex's turn to look surprised. "You almost sound like you expected the answer. How come?"
Bobby chuckled and shook his head with a slight smile. "And you call yourself a detective. I thought you knew me better than that, Eames. Have I taught you nothing?"
Without waiting for an answer and ignoring her confused look, Bobby plowed on.
"I can read people, remember? Nonverbal communication?"
Alex rolled her eyes, and Bobby gave her a look as he declared, "Don't give me that look, Eames. You know it's true."
She sighed again. "I suppose."
"Ah, good enough," Bobby grinned, and Alex asked, "But exactly how could you tell I was looking at you? I never once saw you look up."
"It's called peripheral vision." Bobby grinned. "And carefully looking up when your partner's blinking."
Eames could only stare at him, her mouth slightly agape as her partner's eyes sparkled in satisfaction and mischief.
Again she rolled her eyes, and again Bobby's eyebrows rose pointedly.
"Alright, oh mighty detective," Eames sighed sarcastically, "tell me how on Earth you do that."
"I will," Bobby grinned, and Eames could tell there was a catch before he continued, "if you tell me what you're thinking."
"I already did," Eames informed him, moving her chair closer to her desk so she could focus on the case.
Bobby apparently didn't read it that way, because he declared, "Oh, of course you did. Silly me. And I suppose I technically just told you my facial recognition trick."
"I suppose you did," Eames agreed, not daring to look up from her computer screen.
"But we could both get more detailed," Bobby pointed out.
"Maybe we should drop both subjects." AKA Shut up, Robert.
"Oh, but that would be no fun!" Bobby complained, grinning.
Alex sighed in defeat, deciding to relent rather than keep arguing.
As she raised her head to look at him, a glare plastered to her face, she asked, "If I tell you more details, will you promise not to stare at me like that anymore?"
"You know, I really I can't," her partner declared, his grin widening and his eyes twinkling.
Alex rolled her eyes. "Men. Why are you so—"
"Hey," Bobby interjected, his grin widening even more, "A lot of us are really brilliant."
Another roll of the eyes before Alex heard herself state, "All right, Detective. You wanna know what I'm thinking?"
Bobby nodded. "Sort of. If you hadn't noticed, I'm not always a fan of suspense."
"Then walk with me."
Bobby's face turned puzzled and he uttered an uncharacteristic, "Huh?"
Alex stood up, grabbing her coat and heading for the door, stating over her shoulder, "You heard me. Get off your butt and follow me or you get no explanation."
Within ten seconds, Bobby was walking next to her, their footsteps the only sounds until they were alone in the elevator (Eames pushing about half a dozen buttons before the doors closed) and Eames demanded, "So ask."
"Um, Eames?"
"Yes, Bobby?"
"What's been on your mind?"
"You're the criminal profiler; you tell me."
"Eames, you're confusing me, which is quite ironic."
"Go ahead and put the puzzle together, Goren," Eames replied tersely, ignoring her partner's looks and focusing on the elevator doors in front of her.
She heard Bobby lean back against the elevator wall, clearly mystified, as he stated evenly, "Well, I've obviously gotten under your skin by asking you what's on your mind…"
He pushed himself away from the wall and placed his hand on her shoulder, coming around to face her—literally tête-à-tête—before asking, "What exactly about this case—or me—is bugging you?"
Her brows furrowing, Alex replied, "Oh, you weren't bugging me until just now, Goren."
"Obviously," was the response, slightly stiff.
As her expression switched again, Bobby explained, "You generally only call me by something besides 'Bobby' when you're ticked. You've called me 'Goren' and 'Detective' a few times in the past five minutes. What gives?"
Eames started to turn away, but Bobby's tone startled her as he declared, "Eames, you oughta let me in on this. You don't, and I'll just keep bugging you about it, and you know it. I already know you've been thinking about the effects of this case on me, and that's affecting you quite strangely. Frankly, it's worrying me."
Alex couldn't help but look up at the final sentence, taken aback at his tone and prompted to release the emotion from the last few days in a rush of words that made Bobby's jaw drop.
"You wanna repeat that a little slower please?" he requested, his tone definitely different than those she was used to hearing.
With a sigh, she replied, "I was thinking about how you seem to be a lot more passionate with cases with children and mentally disabled people and then started thinking about the rest of the world and how some people attribute everything to God and…maybe it's true. Maybe He is behind everything."
For a few moments, Bobby was silent, and Eames thought he'd gone mute. But he proved her wrong when he agreed, "Yeah, maybe."
Blinking a few times in rapid succession, Eames almost stuttered, "Really? You mean you agree?"
"That's kind of what 'maybe" implies, isn't it?" Bobby asked, smiling.
"Well, sure, but…"
"How can I agree?"
Eames only nodded.
"Hey, having a schizophrenic mother gets you thinking." His tone was almost amused, and Eames almost asked why, but decided to just smile with him as they stepped off the elevator and headed back to their desks.
You are, You are the answer, the hope
And the end to the searching
You are, You are the portrait of grace
You're the one steady thing
Maybe those religious zealots she saw once in a while on street corners were actually right: maybe Jesus was the answer to the problems on this Hell-hole of a planet. And maybe, just maybe, life would get better one of these days…
But until then, Alex and Bobby would have to settle for stopping the bad guys for Him.
You are, You are the answer, the hope
And the end to the searching
You are, You are the portrait of grace
You're the one steady thing
In a world that aches
In a world that breaks
In a world that aches
In a world that breaks
Just under 2000 words.
So, yeah. There you go. Spiritual CI fic from Eames' point of view.
Hey, they hear about God at funerals and stuff: who says they can't believe it? D
Odd ending and a big gap between lyrics, but if you've read any of my other fics, you'll know I'm funny that way. D
