Gah! I have finally come to the decision to write some yaoi. At least, attempt to. No guarantees. It's gonna be terrible I just know it…so goes writing. Ha! I'm gonna be mean and not include the yaoi 'till chapter 2. Tee hee hee. Since I always think that certain songs belong to certain couples, try listening to "Far Away" by Nickelback, "So Close, So Far" by Hoobastank, "Never Gonna Be Alone" by Nickelback next chapter. This chapter, try some stuff by Carolina Liar…say "Something to Die For" since that's the name of the story. Otherwise "Show Me What I'm Looking For".
Give Me Something to Die For
The younger man winced as Cassian gently, or as gently as he could, pressed the clean white bandage to his superior's wrist, staining it red. This was the third time in nearly a week that the man had "accidentally" cut himself on something. The first time he'd dropped a scalpel and it sliced his arm. The next excuse was that he'd fallen and landed on a piece of glass which cut into his wrist. Finally, in the most recent event, he'd been mugged in the streets, and was wrestling the thug when he'd accidentally scraped himself. Cassian may have believed him if the "scrape" had been about 3/4th of a centimeter less deep.
He could see through the man's act. He'd been doing this to himself. And each time the "accidental scrapes" were becoming deeper. All Cassian could do was watch, and wonder why Jizabel always came to him for help afterwards.
Jizabel sighed as his assistant finished wrapping the cloth around his wrist. Neither of them said a word as the doctor got up off the bed, crossing the room to the door. Cassian opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't think of the words to say. Jizabel somehow knew that he had something on his mind, for he turned back, walking to the bed once more, and sitting on the edge of the mattress. He pulled the light robe over his shoulders tighter, and pulled the sleeves down when he noticed Cassian staring at his scarred arms.
Finally, Cassian sat down on a chair across from him, looking up at the younger man, who glanced away in return.
"They should be ok…but you may want to try and disinfect them tomorrow…" Jizabel didn't answer. "doctor?"
"I know." He snapped suddenly, trying to shoot an icy look at his assistant, but Cassian could see the fear in his eyes. It tore him apart inside that anyone, especially Jizabel, felt the need to do this to themselves.
"Alright…" he whispered in return, watching as the doctor slipped under the covers, pulling the silky sheets over himself.
"Please leave, Cassian." The older man nodded, unsure whether or not to leave him alone. Never the less, he crossed the room, hand lingering on the door knob.
"Well…goodnight, doctor."
Please show me what I'm looking for…
The truth was that the doctor was tired of living. Tired of being lied to, believing in 'love' was the most foolish thing he'd done. Love from his mother, sisters…his father…it all was the same. Love only ended in despair for him. And then there was Cassian. No. He didn't want to think about his assistant. Cassian didn't 'love' him any more than his father did.
Save me, I'm lost. Oh lord, I've been waiting for you. I'll pay any cost, save me from being confused. Show me what I'm looking for.
The bathwater was running. Jizabel slowly knelt over the tub, holding a pale wrist under the warm water. He smiled. This time, he really would go through with it. He pulled the scalpel down his wrist, slicing into the porcelain flesh, watching happily as blood washed down the drain in a pinkish hue. This was all love had ever meant to him. Blood.
Slowly, as he continued to kneel beside the bathtub, everything grew numb. His eyes slid open and closed peacefully. Just as he'd thought. Death was just like slowly…slowly…falling…asleep. Only, this time, he knew that he wasn't going to wake up…
Show me what I'm looking for. Show me what I'm looking for. Oh lord.
Cassian's eyes shot open. It was still late at night, or very early in the morning. Yet, Cassian was wide awake. Something just wasn't right. He scrambled out of bed, barely feeling the floor underneath his feet. He could hear water running down the hall.
"No…"
The only sound was Cassian's heartbeat in his ears. The only thought in his head was 'rescue him'.
The bathroom door flung open, hitting the wall with a loud crash. Immediately he scanned the room, looking for the doctor.
"damn it. Where the hell is he?" once more, his eyes swept the room. A trail of blood lead out of the door that lead to the doctor's bedroom. Quickly, Cassian followed it, scared to death of what he'd find on the other side of the door. He inhaled a deep breath, turning the knob.
The scene before him was a nightmare. Literally. There was blood everywhere. Staining the sheets, and floors.
Jizabel was lying, curled up at the edge of the bed, clutching the sheets to his wrist. A look of what could only be described as terror on his face. The recently bandaged arm was shaking as he pressed the white linen to the newest, deepest, most fatal wound he'd inflicted.
No matter how fast Cassian ran, it didn't seem to be fast enough. Finally, he collapsed at his superior's side. The doctor's eyes weren't responsive to his presence. He only lay there, shaking, terrified.
"doctor…doctor…please look at me!" Cassian shook the younger man's shoulder. Finally, earning a response from Jizabel, he looked him in the eyes, scared.
"Pl-Please Cassian…I don't…want to…die…please h-help me." His voice was hardly a whisper. Cassian pulled the doctor's arm closer to him, staring at the grisly cut that ran vertically down his wrist. The blood wouldn't stop flowing. Clearly he had meant to actually kill himself this time. "there's…there's cauterizing medication…on the sh-shelf…" as second instinct, Cassian dashed down the hall, sprinting as fast as he could, finally arriving outside the doctor's 'laboratory'. It wasn't hard to find the medication. Thank god that Jizabel was organized…at least the shelves lining the walls were. He grabbed it, quickly running back to the doctor's room.
It was almost too late. Jizabel had collapsed to the ground, barely hanging onto consciousness. Cassian dropped to the floor, twisting the cap off of the glass bottle, and pouring a powdery substance onto the gash.
Almost instantly the bleeding stopped. A wave of relief swept over him.
Jizabel's eyes were closed lightly, blood smeared over his clothing, and skin. Cassian shook his head, gently scooping the other man from the floor.
"He'd be dead if I hadn't shown up…" Cassian whispered, feeling tears of anger and sadness build behind his eyes.
Once more, he took care of the other man, changing the sheets on the bed, and laying the other man on the mattress. He sat down, wiping the dried blood from his superior's face. Jizabel's eyes opened once more. Terror still filled his eyes.
"Please…don't do this again, doctor…"
Save me. I'm lost.
I'm so evil. Poor Jizabel, poor Cassian. There will be yaoi next chapter. Oh yes yes.
But y'all have to review too.
