TITLE: XANDER \BUFFY, A LONG MOMENT

AUTHOR: RICK

E-MAIL: amulet@my-dejanews.com

DISCLAIMER: BUFFY, XANDER AND THE REST BELONG TO JOSH WHEDON AND OTHERS.

SUMMARY: BUFFY AND XANDER HAVE A LONG MOMENT TOGETHER. ONE, WHICH SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED A LONG TIME AGO.



Buffy gets lonely sometimes. She just does, especially since Riley left. Not that their last days were pleasant or anything. She could not bring herself to share her deepest fears and uncertainties with him. She doesn't even know why. She just couldn't.

But it doesn't matter. She still has to be the slayer. As she gets ready to patrol for the evening a knock comes to her dorm door. She opens it. It is Xander.

"What do you want, Xander?"

Her wearied response catches him off guard. "Gees, Buff. I know we haven't been spending much friend time together lately but I didn't think it was this bad?"

She has to chuckle a bit to herself. "No, its not. I'm just feeling a little..."

He saves her from completing it. "Lonely?"

She shrugs her shoulders. Xander knows he is right.

"I'm here to go patrolling with you."

"Xander, I'm not up for any..."

Xander stops her. "Buff, I've been working on this. I can handle myself a little better now. I won't be a burden on you."

"Okay, let's go then."

They start walking toward the cemetery. Xander can tell the slayer is feeling very bad.

"Sometimes it's not very great to be you, huh?"

"Tell me about it!"

Xander thinks for a minute and then decides to say something else.

"Buff, I've watched you now for years give your heart away and have it get all broken and battered."

Buffy is very surprised to hear such a thing from the boy.

"And...?"

"Well, I just have. And it hurts me too."

Buffy doesn't know how to take this. She starts to walk away from him.

"Xander, let's just patrol."

He catches up to her. "Wait a minute, Buff. I'm trying to say something important here."

"What, Xander? What are you trying to say? You don't think I know I've gotten hurt. It's my heart you know?"

"Yea, but you keep on making the same mistake."

This angers the slayer. "Oh, gees, listen to Xander Harris, the expert on relationships. Don't be ridiculous Xander. Should I bring up your love life? "

"Okay, now I knew you would get mad if I said this."

"So I didn't disappoint you then?"

Xander goes to Buffy and gently grabs her hand in his."

"Buff, I didn't say that to get you upset."

"Oh gees, let's see. You tell me I'm a fool and its my fault I keep getting my heart broken. Oh, how unreasonable for me to get upset at that."

"Buff, look will you just calm down a minute?"

"I'm very calm Xander. Now let's go patrol."

They walk the rest of the way to the cemetery in silence. There's not much happening so they sit down. Xander looks at the slayer. She is very quiet and sullen.

"What I was trying to say, Buff, is that you give in too much to all that junk about you being close to evil and that your destiny is with the Angels and the Rileys of this world."

"Don't go there, Xander!"

"Why not?"

"Okay, if we're being honest and open. You have nothing to say about Angel. You were jealous of him from the beginning. You didn't hide it well."

"So?"

"So, anything you have to say is just self serving."

"Well, lets clear this up, slayer. Maybe I was jealous of Scott...or even Parker. But it was a lot more with Angel. When I first met you I thought you were trying to balance being a slayer with being a normal girl. The whole Angel thing was different. Half the time I didn't even know what you were doing. It was doomed from the beginning."

Buffy has a tear in her eye as Xander continues.

"Buff, I'm not saying this to hurt you. When we started out it was you and me and Will and Giles. We helped you do just about everything. But then you got all mystery girl on us. You didn't have to do that. You pushed us away for..."

Buffy lowers her head as he continues.

"You started acting like you were alone, like we were nothing."

"Xander, I do what I have to do to survive. That's the name of the game."

"Yea, no kidding, Buffy. And knowing who you can rely on and who you can't is also part of survival."

"Xander, what is the point of this discussion?"

"The point is that you have everything you need to survive right in front of you if you'd just wake up and see it."

Buffy replies to this. "look, Xander, I hate to burst your bubble but this is serious business and you can't..."

Xander interrupts her. "Can that speech slayer. I've heard that junk before. I hate to remind you of this and I swore I would never bring it up but, without me, your weak Xander shaped friend, you wouldn't even be here. Your brooding Angel was ready to mourn your death and even your watcher gave up on you. I was the one who didn't give up. Even after you shot me down I was still there. And I swore to God if you started breathing again I would dedicate my life to helping you. And that was only one time. There have been others, slayer, so spare me your "how can you possibly help me speech", okay?"

Buffy stares at Xander. He has tears in his eyes. After a few minutes he gets up and starts to walk away. Buffy follows him.

"Wait, Xander." He keeps on walking. She runs to him, putting her hand on his arm to stop him.

"What, Buffy, what do you want?"

Buffy doesn't know what to say. They look at each other without speaking for a moment. Buffy looks into his deep brown eyes. All she sees is concern and compassion...and hurt.

"Xander, would you stay with me please?"

"Don't do me any favors, Buff, okay?"

"What do you want out of me, Xander?"

He decides to explain it to her. He grabs her hand, leading her to a bench by the cemetery. They sit down. He looks deep within her eyes. His gaze makes her feel momentarily uncomfortable. It's as if he is looking right into her heart. She didn't realize he could do that, see that deeply within her. Her uneasiness gives way to a warm feeling of comfort as he begins to talk.

"Buffy, we're here for you. We know what your life is all about. I know what you go through."

"Xander, how can you know what I go through? You and Anya are..."

"We're what, Buff? This is hellmouth and she's a vengeance daemon."

"Yea, but she loves you and you love her."

"Buffy, that's what I'm trying to tell you. Yea, I love her but, hell, I do the same thing you do. How can it last? She is from a world I know nothing about. It can't last."

Buffy stares for a moment. "Xander, you're scaring me. What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that we're young, Buffy. And we're human. We keep trying to find something in Hellmouth among the ghouls and the ghosts and the daemons. I mean who are we fooling, Buffy? We're not part of that world. Even you, honey. You're a young woman with a very tough job. You're kind and generous but you have needs and wants."

"Yea no kidding Xander. So what is the news with that?"

"Okay, Buff, forget it, okay!"

"No I won't forget it. You get me all upset just to tell me that? Oh good move Xander. I thought you were my friend!"

"Look, Buffy, its not that complicated okay. Stop getting involved with these freaks and take care of business."

Now Buffy is very angry. "Freaks, oh you know alot about that don't you Xander?"

"Slayer temper...tell Buffy something she doesn't like and then look out for Slayer temper."

"You're pathetic, Xander!"

"I'm pathetic...I'm pathetic because I'm tired of seeing you get hurt and discarded by the people you give your heart to? I'm pathetic because I see you so damned sad and my insides ache for you? Is that the pathetic part, Buff? Do you know what it does to me everytime one of these jerks pushes you away or leaves for your own good? I'm sorry if you don't want me this close to you, slayer, but it breaks my heart! And I'm not going to keep on watching it until one night you're so upset with grief that one of these night creatures claims you for his booty. I'll skip that if you don't mind."

For the first time Buffy gets a glimpse of what Xander feels for her. How deep goes his love and concern. It actually shocks her!

Xander can't help it as the tears begin to fall down his cheeks. Buffy doesn't know what to do. She reaches out to him, catching one of his tears with her finger. Xander grabs her hand and gently puts it away from his face.

"I have to go, Buffy. I'll talk to you later."

Buffy can do nothing but stare as she watches his form disappear into the fog of the night. Whatever it is she is feeling inside all she knows is that she has never felt it before. And somehow her life will never be the same.

The End

Rick

P.S. Only one question....should she run after him?