Disclaimer: I don't own anything, Star Wars is the property of George Lucas and Jedi Apprentice is the property of Jude Watson.
Last TimeHe was doing it again.
Every time he left, every time he returned to the temple, it was over. He always told himself that it wasn't the Jedi way. That he was betraying Qui-Gon's trust. He told himself that he would never go back.
But he always did.
Obi-Wan knew that path to Xanatos's Coruscant home well; he had gone over it many times. Qui-Gon didn't know that Xanatos was even alive, let alone on Coruscant. Obi-Wan knew that he should tell him.
But he wouldn't.
The buttons glowed blue in front of Obi-Wan's hand, begging for the code to open the door to Xanatos's home. Obi-Wan hovered for a moment, his hand poised in front of them.
Turn around.
Walk away.
He deftly typed in the code he had memorized, and the door slid open with a satisfactory whoosh. Obi-Wan went inside. The door led to a sitting room, which held a couch and a low table. There were no pictures, decorations, or ornaments. Xanatos didn't have time for such frivolous things, and it left his home feeling like a tomb, cold and empty.
Much like the man.
Obi-Wan sat down on the couch, leaning his head back. Xanatos was not there; if he had been home he would have known of Obi-Wan's presence immediately.
I'll wait. I shouldn't, but I will.
In the past year Obi-Wan had done a lot of things he shouldn't have. He had discovered Xanatos several days after his 19th birthday by accident. He should have told Qui-Gon immediately. Weeks later he ran into Xanatos again. He should have said no when the other man invited him to have a drink. He should have left when Xanatos kissed him. He should have done all those things.
He didn't.
And most importantly, he never should have gone back to Xanatos's home after that mistake of a night.
He did.
Even then Obi-Wan didn't know what Xanatos's appeal was. What was it about this man that made him worth Obi-Wan risking his entire future?
He would be exiled immediately if the council found out, he knew this. Jedi didn't have lovers. They practiced celibacy to avoid conflicts and feelings of possession.
Obi-Wan scoffed at this. He could share a bed with Xanatos all he wanted; he would never possess the man. No one owned Xanatos.
As for the conflict, Obi-Wan had no way of arguing with that.
Someday, when of all this is brought to light, there will most certainly be conflict.
Dusk was settling over the twinkling lights of Coruscant when Obi-Wan heard the door behind him open. He didn't turn, he knew exactly who it was.
Cool hands brushed the back of his neck. Obi-Wan leaned into the touch.
"I thought you weren't coming back. That before was the last time."
"Where were you?" Obi-Wan asked, ignoring the mockery in Xanatos's voice.
"Business," Xanatos replied simply, walking around the edge of the couch to sit next to Obi-Wan. That was the only explanation he would ever offer, he didn't tell Obi-Wan personal things. In the dark Jedi's mind, that could lead to unnecessary attachment. Besides, he didn't consider it any of Obi-Wan's business. "Where have you been?"
Obi-Wan averted his multi-hued eyes as Xanatos ran his fingers down the boy's braid. "Just because I haven't come to see you doesn't mean that I've gone anywhere."
"So you were on a mission then."
Obi-Wan returned his gaze, glaring at the older man. He smacked his hand away. Xanatos's hands already knew more then they ever should have.
Xanatos smirked. "We both know that if you had been on Coruscant you would have come here."
"I'm sure that's what your ego wants you to think."
"There's no shame in having an ego when you actually deserve one."
"And that's your ego telling you that you deserve it."
Xanatos laid his hand on the side of Obi-Wan's neck, running his thumb up the front of the Jedi's throat. Obi-Wan tried not to shiver.
"Did you come here to fight with me?"
"…No," Obi-Wan confessed.
He leaned in closer. "Then why are we fighting?"
People in love always fight.
"Because we hate each other," Obi-Wan said evenly.
"That must be it."
"Xanatos?" Obi-Wan said when the man started to lean in closer. "This really is the last time."
A smile tugged at the edge of Xanatos's mouth. "Of course it is."
As soon as the gap between them closed Obi-Wan remembered why he always came back. He knew that as soon as he was out those doors he would forget, but at least there was a reason. Xanatos's taste was intoxicating. Every time they kissed Obi-Wan's head spun. He understood what it must be like to be a spice addict. They knew that the drug was going to someday kill them, they knew how dangerous it was to use it, but they did it anyway. Why? Because they knew that it was better to die with that feeling in their veins then live without ever feeling it.
That's why he always went back.
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Obi-Wan disentangled himself from Xanatos's sleeping arms and crawled out of the bed, careful not to wake his lover while he searched for his clothes. As he stepped out of the bedroom he briefly glanced back to Xanatos's sleeping form, and wondered longingly if the man would miss his warmth during the night.
The air around him was crisp when he stepped outside. It was either very late or very early. The door whooshed behind him mockingly.
"I won't be back," Obi-Wan said to it.
But they both knew he was lying.
He would always come back.
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A/N: I wrote this while listening to Beethoven's "moonlight sonata." It's so beautiful. I remember the first time I heard it was at one of those piano concerts and I started crying. The people next to me must have thought I was insane. That song just moves me to tears though, it's just so sad…
Anyway, with these ficlets I'm not going to get into how Obi-Wan and Xanatos got together, because I really just want to focus on their relationship and what it is. I hope you enjoyed it, please review!
