Anonymous Saru: I believe I have to, under some unwritten law. That and I told my Hani-senpai that I'd write one. So there. But why I'm doing this? All because of a text message. :D (That, and when I was writing this I was stuck in my room, dealing with some horrible cramps.)
Rating: K; Oh shit. My writings range from all over the place don't they? But yeah, sorry no K+'s. :D Watch out for some lovely hints! Not tellin' ya what's in it! Find out for yourself :3
Disclaimer: I'm actually happy for once to not feel sad about writing one of these things. Ouran's too much on crack, and out of hand, no thanks to Haruhi. D: MAKE YOUR DAMN MIND UP WOMAN!

Anyways, on with this Mother's Day fic full of crack and happiness.

- - - - - - - -

Mother's Day

Kyouya Ootori, a man of many words. One could describe him as the cool type, extremely intelligent, manipulative, quiet, calculative, devilish, influential, and sentimental. But he was also a mother. Not just any type of mother. A mother who is forced to deal with five children, and a very dramatic husband.

What? Oh no, Kyouya wasn't married. He was just the vice president of the host club. His children were the five other hosts, and his husband was the president, Tamaki Suou. Kyouya wouldn't marry a man, especially a rival of his. Or so his father thought.

"Kyouya." Mr. Ootori bellowed into his son's dark lit room. He often worried about his son's sleeping habits. He knew Kyouya had low blood pressure, but going to such risks as to closing the curtains. He strained his eyes as he looked for his son's head that was buried beneath pillows and comforters.

There was a slight movement.

"Kyouya, it's time to wake up. You've got to give your mother her present." Mr. Ootori said as he shut the door, causing Kyouya to stir a little more.

Kyouya sighed as he sat up and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. Couldn't his father understand the reason why he closed the curtains was so he wouldn't be bothered by the sunlight that would shine through in the morning? His father knew he had low blood pressure. But then again, his father was so busy with work, he had little time to pay attention to the small things Kyouya did.

Slowly, Kyouya made to move his legs off his nice warm bed. And before he even realized it, he was in the shower.

A few minutes later, he heard his father bark his name once more for him to hurry up and come downstairs. Sighing he quickened his pace and finished his shower in what would have taken probably an hour. Changing into something suitable he grabbed his glasses and phone, and headed downstairs.

"Good morning master Kyouya." A few of the servants called, a little hesitant. They knew all to well that if Kyouya wasn't up he would snap at them. Kyouya looked at them and nodded as he made his way into the parlor.

- - - - - - - -

"Alright Tono." Hikaru said as he leaned against Haruhi. "What are we doing? Why'd you call us so early?"

Tamaki glanced at Hikaru, and if looks could kill...

"If you didn't rely on me most of the time Hikaru, then you would've found out where we were going." Kaoru remarked. He was also feeling a twinge of jealousy.

"Anyways, today's mother's day..." Tamaki said as he glanced at the tacky cat calendar on the kitchen wall. For some reason, they all decided to meet up at Haruhi's apartment, much to her dislike. "And we're all going to make something for Mother." Tamaki said. Well it explained why Kyouya wasn't there.

"So, we're all making something for Kyou-chan?" Hani-senpai inquired as he looked up at the others.

Tamaki nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, yes, that's the exact thing I was thinking. Now I think we should all make him something. And then write him a card, and sign it from all of us!" Tamaki said as he looked at the group.

"That doesn't sound half bad Tono-san." Kaoru smiled.

"Let's get him something cute together ne Haru-chan?" Hikaru smiled as he grabbed Haruhi's hand. Tamaki glanced over at Kaoru and saw his smile falter, if only for a second.

"Hmm. I think I'm going to have to steal Haruhi away from you, after all, she is Kyouya's daughter. So, her and I need to go shopping, so I don't pick anything stupid out." Tamaki said. It did make sense, if you actually thought about it. Father's have bad taste in a lot of things, so they obviously need their daughters to help them out in picking things.

"Neh Takashi, I think we should make him a cake!" Hani smiled brightly.

Mori looked down at Hani and sighed. "Kyouya doesn't like sweets."

Everybody who was in Haruhi's kitchen froze and held their breath. Mori was always the silent one, and never really talked. His partnership with Hani was different, years of experience had gotten those two on a basis so high that they didn't need words to communicate. Well, aside from a few here or there from Mori. But it was mostly Hani who did the talking.

"Mori-senpai! You talked!" the Hitachiin twins said together.

"Wait..." Tamaki said. "How did you know Kyouya hates sweet things?"

"He doesn't eat cake." Mori answered swiftly.

"Yeah, you're right. With all the cake around the club he probably got tired of it..." Hikaru said, seeming slightly disappointed.

"Looks like I can't bake him my homemade batch of chocolate chip cookies then..." Kaoru said, equally disappointed, causing the older twin to look up.

"Hey! I thought you baked those for me and me only." Hikaru pouted.

"I bake them for other people too, you know." Kaoru said. "You're not the only one who gets homemade chocolate chip cookies."

"If Kyouya doesn't like sweets, then what does he like?" Haruhi said, quickly changing the subject, not wanting the twins to get into another fight. She had a feeling that they had been bickering over something lately, and that Hikaru always tended to come out victorious during most of them.

"I think I recall Mother saying he liked spicy foods." Tamaki said thoughtfully.

- - - - - - - -

Kyouya sat at the table staring down a wibbly wobbly flan. In most cases he wouldn't have gotten this, however, this was his mother's favorite desert, and he couldn't object to it. After all, today was mother's day. He didn't want his own mother thinking that he disrespected her.

"What's wrong Kyouya? Why haven't you touched your flan?" Mrs. Ootori asked as she ate the cherry that was on top of hers.

"Nothing mother." Kyouya said as he picked up his spoon. Gripping it a little more then it needed to be, he dug it in through the custard delight. Bringing the spoonful to his mouth he sighed and took a bite of it. Quickly swallowing it, so the sweetness wouldn't linger on his taste buds.

"Bzzt, bzzt."

"What was that?" Mr. Ootori asked as he looked around the table.

"It's not mine." Fuyumi said as she glanced over at Kyouya. She saw Kyouya's hand quickly dart to his pocket.

"Father. May I be excused?" Kyouya asked as he quietly placed his napkin over his lips. Wiping the horrid sweet taste off of his lips. "I don't think the flan's settling well with my stomach..." He wasn't exactly lying, it was partially true.

Mr. Ootori gave his son a quizzical look before turning his attention to his two other sons. "Alright your excused."

"I should be heading back too." Fuyumi said as she placed her napkin on the table. "It has been a very nice day, happy mothers day, mom." Fuyumi said as she got up and placed a kiss on her mothers cheek.

"Have a safe trip back." Mrs. Ootori commented as she turned her attention to her two other sons.

Kyouya took that as his cue to leave, and without questioning it, he left. Rounding the corner he stuck his hand into his pocket quickly bringing out his sleek, tiny cell phone. Glancing at it he realized that Tamaki called. After all it wasn't hard to miss the whole 'Lord Pimp' the twins had programmed into his phone.

He had been meaning to get that cleared up, but he just hadn't had the time. And now especially wasn't the time. Hitting the recall button he brought the phone to his ear. Knowing Tamaki, he probably had another hair-brained scheme to get Haruhi into something or another.

"Mother!" Tamaki's voice rung through, causing Kyouya to bring the phone away from his ear slightly.

"Yes Tamaki? If this is another scheme to get Haruhi into a bathing suit, then I decline, for the millionth time." Kyouya snapped as he climbed the stairs.

"A-actually," Tamaki paused as his voice faltered slightly. "We have something we would all like to give you. And I was wondering if you could make it over to Haruhi's apartment."

Kyouya sighed. With the (probably heavy heated) conversation downstairs with his older brothers, father and hardly ever seen mother. Kyouya highly doubted that he could make it over to Haruhi's apartment. Unless... Kyouya froze in midstep as he quickly turned around. "Hold on alright?" Kyouya said, not bothering to wait for a response.

"Fuyumi?" Kyouya called out as he glanced down the hall. Maybe she already left. But how could that be possible? She left after him, and it takes a while to get outside the front door. Maybe, maybe she hasn't left just yet.

With that thought in mind Kyouya frantically dashed to the front door. Opening it up, he quickly leaped outside and searched for his sister. "Fuyumi?!" He yelled hoping it would stall his sister.

"Yes?" Her voice came from behind him. She hadn't even left.

"C-could—do you mind if you give me a ride to a friends house?" Kyouya asked as he covered the cellphone receiver, he didn't want the others to know that he asked favors.

Fuyumi looked at him, surprised that an Ootori could ask for something without demanding it. She smiled warmly down at him and patted his head. "Sure."

Kyouya bowed his head slightly as he lifted the phone to his ear. "Tamaki? You still there? Yeah. I can make it." And with that, Kyouya hung up.

Fuyumi studied her younger brother. "Sorry I forgot to mention to father that you dislike flan." Fuyumi apologized, out of the Ootori family, she was the only one that actually fully understood him.

"I would have had to eat it anyways... It is mother's favorite..." Kyouya said as he shrugged.

Fuyumi stared at Kyouya. "You know, you don't have to always do as your told." She stated simply as she walked to her car. Kyouya sighed, he knew Fuyumi could get away with recklessness in her life, she didn't have to have people drive her around. She didn't feel the need to have people wait on her hand and foot like she did when she was younger. Sure, she could get away with things like that, but he couldn't.

Not with father breathing down his neck every time it came to academics. He couldn't spread his feet like his siblings could. Not yet, not now, and probably not ever.

- - - - - - - -

All eyes were on Tamaki still, even though he had hung up with Kyouya five minutes ago. The same thoughts floating through their heads. What did everybody get for Kyouya? Would he like it? They couldn't help but be a little nervous.

"So, uh..." Tamaki said as he cleared his throat. "H-how is everybody?"

They didn't have much time to respond as the doorbell rung. They all jumped up each fighting for a chance to get the door. However, Mori beat them to the punch, seeing as he didn't argue with the others in who would open the door.

"Hello Mori-senpai." Kyouya said as he mopped his sweaty forehead with one of his hands. "Tamaki said that you all wanted to see me?"

Mori nodded as he stepped to the side, making room for Kyouya in the small hallway. As soon as Kyouya stepped inside he saw everybody staring at him.

"What?" He questioned.

"Mother?" Tamaki asked as he glanced at Kyouya's outfit. "Why are you wearing a tuxedo?"

Kyouya sighed and looked down. "My mother came back from her business trip... So we spent half the day having a nice mothers day." Kyouya shivered as he recalled the flan. "It was quiet, but... If I had spent anymore time with them, I would've snapped." Kyouya said as he readjusted his glasses, taking that time to glanced at Tamaki briefly.

"Sorry." Tamaki said. He knew Kyouya's parents disliked their son's friendship with him. "But anyways, here, have a seat!" Tamaki said as he gestured to one of the chairs in Haruhi's living room.

"Tamaki?" Kyouya questioned as Mori shoved Kyouya lightly into the living room.

"Happy Mother's Day!" The Hitachiin twins chimed in as the threw fistfuls of confetti everywhere. Poor Haruhi, she'd have to clean that up later. But now, she was all smiles.

Kyouya blinked slowly. "Mother's day?" He paused. "Oh yes. Mother's day..." Kyouya retorted as he crossed his leg.

"Neh neh!" Hani called from the side. "I'm sorry you dislike sweet things, so instead of giving you a piece of cake, I made you this card!" Hani beamed brightly as he handed over an envelope. It was rather large. Opening it Kyouya felt a tug at his lips. The card was made out of play money from one of the monopoly games. Inside was a nice picture of Hani-senpai, a piece of dead cake, bun-bun, and Kyouya.

"Thank you Hani-senpai." Kyouya commented as he looked up at the smiling blond.

"Neh, neh! Takashi has a gift for you too!" Hani smiled as he jumped up and down on the little stool he was sitting on.

Mori wordlessly handed Kyouya a dark blue bag and watched as he opened it.

"Thank you Mori-senpai I've been needing a new clipboard." Kyouya said as he put the clipboard back into the bag, setting it down on top of the card Hani-senpai made. When he turned around he noticed two bags in his lap. One was light blue, almost turquoise; and the other was a light orange.

"Open mine first." Hikaru snickered as he rested his arm atop of Kaoru's shoulder.

Kyouya, who should've seen that as a sign, threw all caution to the wind. Opening it he pulled out a T-shirt that read "Worlds Worst Mother." He really should've seen this coming.

"Open mine, I think you might like it." Kaoru said with a small smile on his face.

Kyouya sighed as he stuck his hand in the orange bag. He pulled out a lavender coffee mug that read "Worlds Best Mother." He smiled slightly as he sat the T-shirt and mug down atop of the card and clipboard.

"I had a feeling Hikaru would do that, so I got a counter mug, for you. I thought you might need a coffee cup, ya'know for third year. And maybe college." Kaoru smiled as he clasped his hands together.

"Hey, you can't say that that shirt isn't funny. And honestly Kyouya, I would rather take my mom's wrath then yours. But that says you do a good job at being vice president!" Hikaru said as he linked his arm around Kaoru's.

Kyouya didn't know whether to take it as a compliment or as an insult. So instead he opened Haruhi's which was wrapped in nice red wrapping paper. Tearing the wrapping paper off, and opening the boxes lid, he saw two sets of ear plugs in the box. Looking up he saw Haruhi smile at him.

"You know, for when these guys get a little too out of hand..."

"Thank you Haruhi." Kyouya said as he placed the box atop of the coffee mug.

"MY TURN!" Tamaki cheered happily as he walked up to Kyouya. Holding something behind his back.

"Now mother, I know we've been through a little—well too much then we need right now. And I know you and me both have had a bumpy ride through it all, so..." Tamaki paused as he handed Kyouya lavender orchids. "Happy Mother's Day, mother." Tamaki said sweetly as he placed a soft kiss against Kyouya's forehead.

Yup, there was definitely place for Mr. Ootori to question why Kyouya was called mother, or why he hung out with a Suou. But at that time and moment, he didn't care. As his sister would say; he was just living the moment.


Reflections:

Anonymous Saru: Yessire bob. I got a text message around 10:49 AM from my Hani-senpai saying "Happy Mother's Day mommy Kyouya" and stuffs. (Because I cosplay Kyouya, I totally didn't even realize that mother's day could be taken that far XD;) But anyways, I hope yall don't kill me by my choice of spelling of Hani-senpai. I woke up early, and decided it was Hani. If it bothers anybody at all, then I'll go back and change it.

Kyouya: But, to make things more understandable and I guess reasonable, the Monkey knows my father's name. She just didn't find it fit to address him as Yoshio Ootori and address my mother as Mrs. Ootori.

Kaoru: Thanks a lot Mori-senpai (not the actual cartoon character, but my Mori, same as my Hani) for editing the fic, and catching things that Kanae's stupid star office wouldn't! She really appreciates it!

Haruhi: I guess this is my part, since I am a girl. But Orchids, (for those who don't understand "flower lingo") mean "Captured Your Eye."

Tamaki: Hope all of you mother's out there had a wonderful day. You all deserved it :3