Ch. 1: bondage for shits and giggles

In which I grow ten inches overnight and smack a demon in the face.


I woke up to a pounding headache and a stabbing, fiery pain in my right hand. "Ow," I said, and then my hand exploded. I jerked, straining against the warm metal encasing my wrists, trying to rip my fingernails into my burning skin. It hurt so much, I was willing to tear my goddamn hand off to make it just stop. I squirmed in the manacles mindlessly, messily, didn't even care when my wrists began to bleed, and some distant part of me thought that maybe I should stop before I did serious damage, but the rest of me screamed that something was in my hand something was in my hand it was eating my hand it hurt

The pain receded suddenly, and I was left gasping. It wasn't quite gone, but now it was a manageable ache, and I could think. Mostly, as I looked up and peered around, my thoughts were along the lines of, 'Why am I chained up in a dungeon?' and 'Why are my hands so big?' and 'Why does this look suspiciously like the opening of that one video game that I was playing last night?'

Let's be real (and I'm pretty sure this is real; I rarely have vivid dreams), there aren't that many medieval looking dungeons fully equipped with torture equipment and armed guards in modern day America. Who happened to be staring at me angrily with bared swords. Great.

I tested the give in my manacles and all four guards tensed and raised their swords even higher. Even better.

I glared back at my jailers, and then dropped my head back down to think. 1) I wasn't going to assume that this was a fever dream or a coma; it was a little too vivid, and I've never been hurt or hungry in a dream. I'm both right now. I've always been relatively practical, and dying just because I mistakenly thought this was a dream would not be good. 2) If this is Inquisition, then I'm at the center of every horrible thing that's about to go down in Thedas for the next five years. I had better start planning how to deal right now. 3) My hands are. Not human. They are huge (weird), pale (normal), with purple undertones (really not normal!), and thick, sharp nails (my bloody palms told me that they were excellent for slicing through my own skin, A+, 10/10, would recommend for self-mutilation). There is also a suspicious weight on my head. On the one hand, hell yeah! I probably have horns! On the other hand, that likely means I'm going to get terrible headaches.

So. I'm a Tal-Vashoth Inquisitor. At least I don't have to fake knowing the Qun, or any Elvhen. Or anything at all about the Carta, or dwarf-y stuff, or Free Marcher politics. Oh god, I don't know anything about anything here. I'm going to die because I don't have the societal knowledge to bullshit my way out of this.

That was all I really had time to think about before the cell door burst open and Cassandra goddamn Pentaghast came striding in. I might have sighed dreamily, but I was a little too scared of her to make a sound. She is very intimidating in real life, and I'm pretty sure she could kill me with her pinky finger and a copy of Swords and Shields and not even break a sweat. (I only noticed Leliana slip in behind her because I was expecting her. She was practically a ghost, dramatic chain mail and all.)

Cassandra paced around me once, twice, and, like a good self insert, I watched her warily but said nothing. She came to a halt by my shoulder and spoke those words. "Tell me why we shouldn't kill you now. The conclave is destroyed. Everyone who attended is dead. Except for you."

Right. I should maybe answer that. What is the Inquisitor's line? Something like 'You think I'm responsible?' or 'That's horrible!' or something.

"Oh shit," I said. Great job, self, I thought as the Seeker growled and grabbed my hand and – were those ropes wrapped around my arms? Am I wearing that Spoils of the Qunari, midriff-baring armor? – shook it. Well. Whatever armor I'm wearing, this is going great. I've already pissed off the most badass lady in Thedas.

"Explain this."

My hand sparked obligingly. "Uh," I said and looked up at Cassandra. I tried to look guileless. "It's my hand. And it's gone green."

The Seeker sighed and dropped my manacled hands. Huh, maybe the puppy eyes worked– aaaand then she drew her sword. There goes that hope.

With the flat of the blade resting on my shoulder very close to my neck, I went straight into babble mode. "I have no idea what's up with my hand, only that it's glowing and it hurts. The last thing I remember was being at the conclave without a glowing hand. Please don't kill me, I don't wanna die for a damn merc job." I said it all in a rush, and tried to infuse as much sincerity into my words as possible. I didn't particularly want to lie to the Left and Right Hands of the Divine, but I'm pretty sure that letting on that I know more than the canon Inquisitor would just lead to me being tortured and the Breach not getting closed. Bye-bye Thedas. Bye-bye my life.

"What. Happened," Cassandra growled, tapping the sword against my shoulder.

I very carefully didn't flinch. No need to cut myself when there were plenty of people around willing to do it for me. Time to spin a story. "I think I was guarding the Conclave? Something went… wrong. I," make it look good make it sound good. "There was light, noise. I remember running. Things were chasing me." There's the canon dialogue. "I saw a woman? Maybe? With a hat."

"A woman?" That was Leliana. I had been so focused on Cassandra and her naked blade that I hadn't even noticed her come towards me.

I looked up at her. The flickering torchlight softened her features. She looked gentle, kind. Good cop routine. "She reached out to me," I told her.

Cassandra sheathed her sword and sighed, and this time she just sounded tired. "Go to the forward camp, Leliana. I will take her to the rift."

Leliana nodded shortly, and then vanished up the hallway past my cell. Whatever conclusions she had drawn about my behavior were set. Hopefully, she wasn't planning on having me quietly executed.

Oblivious to my vague concerns about the Inquisition's spymaster, Cassandra knelt down before me and began unlocking my bindings.

"What happened to me? To the Conclave?" I asked as she rebound my hands, this time together with rope and hauled me to my feet. Impressive for such a small woman. Not that Cassandra was actually small. She was a good three inches taller than Leliana and impressively muscular, but she had nothing on my ridiculous, towering height. I stood a good head higher than the Seeker, and she still scared the shit out of me. Still, I thought, looking down at people was going to get old fast.

"It will be easier to show you." Cassandra led me from the cell and up through the chantry. Its stone walls were thick and solid, but the sheer volume of the refugees outside was still loud enough to be heard. Everything outside the fire-lit chantry was tinged a sickly green, the source arching across the heavens, a great and terrible hole in the sky. Seeing the Breach in pixelated form simply cannot compare to its massive scope in real life. I can hardly imagine the sheer amount of power it would take to open something such as it.

"We call it the Breach. It's a massive rift into the world of demons, that grows larger with each passing hour." If Cassandra wanted to intimidate me, to shock me into compliance, she had hit on a viable strategy. The Breach was unnatural, and every part of me wanted it gone, and not just because of my hand. "It's not the only such rift, just the largest. All were caused by the explosion at the Conclave."

"That doesn't make any sense," I said. "What kind of explosion would tear the Veil, and who would want to open the world to even more demonic influence?"

Cassandra looked at me thoughtfully. "We don't know," she said. "But unless we act, the Breach may grow until it swallows the world."

"Well, that's just–" I was cut off as the Breach crackled and flared, sending thunder rolling down the mountain. My hand exploded in pain a split second later. I yelled something probably unintelligible and collapsed to my knees, curling protectively around my bound hands. This wasn't as bad as earlier, but it still hurt something awful.

Cassandra knelt down before me as my hand stopped giving off green sparks and spoke quietly. "Each time the breach expands, your mark spreads, and it is killing you. It may be the key to stopping this, but there isn't much time."

"Much time to do what?" I huffed.

"Close the Breach. Whether that's possible is something we shall discover shortly. It is our only chance, however. And yours."

I looked into Cassandra's eyes. She was grim, and I knew right then that she didn't expect the Inquisitor to make it through the day. She didn't expect me to make it through the day. I looked down and sighed, then shoved myself to my feet. "Okay," I said. "Let's fix this."

Cassandra nodded and took me by the elbow, leading me through the crowds of refugees and supply tents. She explained what they knew had happened to get me up to speed, and I followed her docilely, unwilling to look any of these people in the eye. I didn't want to see their hatred or fear, even if I was, technically, innocent.

By the time we had left Haven proper, she had come to the Chantry's likely reaction to the breach and to me. "The clerics will seek to imprison you for your part in the disaster." She met my eyes dead on, coming to a stop on the path that lead up the mountain and drew a knife that she used to cut my bonds. "There will be a trial. I can promise no more."

"Will it be a fair trial?" I muttered. Probably not, considering both my current species and the suspicion surrounding my survival. Cassandra seemed to agree with me, as she just snorted and gestured for me to follow. "Didn't think so."

With my hands unbound, I could finally reach up to feel my horns. They were ridged and arched back gracefully. Hopefully they wouldn't be too difficult to take care of. Did I remember something about horn polish in game, or was that just fanon? I'll figure it out. I followed Cassandra across the bridge, ignoring her comments about testing my Mark, planning, trying to think about anything other than the upcoming fights.

We headed up a hill at a light jog, and I was pleased to note that this body seemed to be in excellent condition. No asthmatic huffing and puffing, no burning strain in my legs. My heart rate was barely elevated. If nothing else, I could be grateful I was in shape (and I have horns! Never going to get over that). We passed a group of injured soldiers limping down the mountain, but I ignored them, focused on following Cassandra and not slipping in the icy mud.

We were getting close to another of those stone bridges when the Breach grumbled and grew, sending me to my knees yet again. When the pain receded, Cassandra helped me back to my feet and patted me on the shoulder. She looked almost sympathetic as she said, "The pulses are coming faster now."

We moved on, me clutching my throbbing hand, Cassandra still talking. "The larger the Breach grows, the more rifts appear, the more demons we face."

"I don't even want to face one demon," I told her honestly. "Those things give me the heebie-jeebies."

Cassandra turned back to look at me incredulously. "Hee–" she cut herself off with a snort. "No. You said earlier you saw a woman in the fade."

"Yeah?" I said cautiously.

"The soldiers who found you corroborate your story. They saw a woman behind you when you crawled out of the rift. No one knows who she was."

We had reached the next bridge, and I was pretty sure I knew what was coming. Sure enough, we got to the dead center of the bridge, only to have a glowing green rock smash through the masonry ahead of us. I promptly sat down on my butt as the bridge cracked and shattered and closed my eyes for the inevitable fall. We were luckier than the other soldiers; I could hear the sharp crack of bones breaking and cries of pain as I slid over the precipice.

My landing was... sudden. One moment I was half-falling half-sliding down a rocky slope, the next I was sitting on a frozen lake with the biggest wedgie ever. Cassandra landed next to me, and this time, I had the pleasure of helping her up.

I heard several more glowing rocks hit the ground around us as I squirmed and tugged at my ridiculous armor, trying to get rid of the wedgie. I had only just managed when I heard a hiss and a screech and looked up at Cassandra's shouted "Stay behind me!" Right. Don't forget the demons falling out of the sky and boiling up from the ground. I looked to my left, where game logic said that my weapon of choice should be resting, only to realize that there was a whole pile of weapons. I lunged for the nearest staff, hoping that maybe I was a mage. If that failed, at least I would have a pole weapon that I could beat the demon over the head with.

As soon as I touched the damn thing, it crackled to life and I felt it sort of... tugging on something inside of me. Mana, maybe. I got into an approximation of a mage's fighting stance and did the little half lunge forward that they do for a basic attack. Nothing happened. The ice before me started bubbling with a sort of black, tar-like substance. I tried to focus the energy I had felt before into the staff, and shoved it out. A ball of fire launched itself from the end of the staff and hit the emerging demon in the face.

"Nice," I said, and then screeched as the demon lunged at me, claws extended. I hit it as hard as I could with the blunt end of the staff, and then pulled back to shove some more fire at it. It writhed for a minute, then faded into nothingness.

I looked up with a grin of triumph to check on how Cassandra was faring, only to see her striding towards me with a raised sword and a furious expression.

"Uh," I said. "The demons are dead." Silver linings, Seeker.

"Drop your weapon," she snapped back, looking furious.

I dropped my weapon. "No problem," I said. "Please don't kill me."

Cassandra looked briefly surprised, but then she sighed and sheathed her sword. "Take it. It's clear that I cannot protect you, and I can't send you into the valley unarmed. I should remember you agreed to come willingly."

I let out a relieved breath and scooped up the staff. I was already attached to being able to throw fire at anything that looked at me the wrong way. Also, I think that not having a weapon would screw up the plot in a major way, mostly by getting me killed.

We moved out, with me falling in line behind Cassandra, and I thought that maybe this wouldn't go so terribly. In hindsight, that was probably where it all started to go wrong.