A/N: This is a songfic inspired by Monster by Paramore. I own nothing you recognise. Sorry about any italicising issues, as the Story Manager wouldn't let be use italics.You were my conscience, so solid, now you're like water.
Because as a kid, Steve had at first been the one he'd look up to. Peggy and Howard had made him out to be this great hero, a man who could do no wrong, someone who had saved the world from the war. But the thing is, when every day he was trying to live up to Rogers' memory, when everything he did was compared to how he inspired all those soldiers, it became clearer. Rogers was not someone he could live up to.
And we started drowning, not like we'd sink any further.
And yet, and yet, it could still get worse -he was still worse. That first meeting, he'd realised that Rogers was not all he was made out to be. A seventy year old man-out-of-time with his head up his ass. And before they'd even met, Rogers had his own opinion on his best friend's son. Wanted him to live up to Howard, despite the man being a whole new level of jackass he definitely did not want to remember.
But I let my heart go, it's somewhere down at the bottom.
So instead of trying to live up to Rogers' impossible expectations, he did the opposite. If he expected Tony to act like a self-important egotistical asshole, then that was what he would do. And maybe it did disappoint him that his childhood hero was the exact opposite of who he had expected, but maybe it was for the best. He had tried to live up to the man, and failed, no matter what he did, and now he knew why - the man he was trying to become really was a legend.
But I'll get a new one and come back for the hope that you've stolen.
But he didn't mind. Because he had those who cared for him - Rhodey, Pepper, maybe even Bruce - and they were all that mattered. The Avengers, yes maybe he did let them into the tower, but that was more convenience than anything, for him and them. He'd stayed in some of the bunks at SHIELD for missions in the past, and he wouldn't wish those hellholes upon his worst enemy. They were there because they were the Avengers, not because they were his friends. He already had friends, and he wasn't taking the risk of being betrayed again by people who already had made up their minds about who he really was.
I'll stop the whole world, I'll stop the whole world, from turning into a monster eating us alive.
He understood the problems the Avengers caused, along with all the good they did. He knew that soon, people would want them to pay for the damage they did when they were saving them. That all those overturned cars Cap used to throw a slightly harder punch had to be paid for. That all those buildings damaged by the Hulk had to be repaired.
And they'd have to pay. Because he understood how politics worked. He understood that the world had problems. He'd known from the start - all those weapons sold to the military were so that some of those could be solved. And he knew that the public saw both sides of the hero-ing that the Avengers did. And that eventually, they wouldn't stand for that destruction any longer. But still, he'd tried to protect them, tried to keep them away from the public. And as he did so, he put a little more effort into saving those who would have otherwise been caught in the crossfire. Taking a few extra seconds to subtly the Hulk to more abandoned buildings to take apart. Making sure Cap was near some of the leftover debris so that the mother who had just left the scene still had a car to return to once they were safe.
Don't you ever wonder how we survive? Well now that you're gone, the world is ours.
Maybe a little too subtle, since after the mission Cap would lecture him for not following his orders - sure, like you always followed orders in the Army, Rogers. He's read the reports, seen all the rogue missions you decided to organise - and Tony would just take it, with a small amount of satisfaction because he'd saved lives. And while Cap might believe that sacrificing a few lives for the good of the majority was okay, he knew that they shouldn't be risking innocent lives they shouldn't have authority over in the first place. They should be protecting all the people, because that is what they were there for. They never seemed to understand why he did what he did.
So when the accords came along, it was no surprise to him. He'd been expecting it for a long while, because there was a point where the people wouldn't want to be pawns in a game any longer.
I'm only human, I've got a skeleton in me.
Because when Charlie Spencer's mother came to tell him about her son, and his death in Sokovia, he realised just how far it had gone. He'd been trying to avoid collateral damage, but he could have done more to to convince the Avengers. So he had tried again. Tried to show where they had gone wrong, where he had gone wrong -Ultron, my fault- why the accords were so important to the people. Why they were so needed and why they needed to think about there actions.
But I'm not the villain, despite what you're always preaching.
And maybe, just maybe, they were all right. Maybe he wasn't the hero here. But all those lives wasted because Rogers believed he knew better - those didn't make the Captain a hero at all, and if he had a chance to stop there being so many deaths then he sure as hell was going to try.
Call me a traitor, I'm just collecting your victims.
And Cap, despite his 'We need to trust each other as a team to save lives', and 'You can't go off on your own like that. What if somebody had been hurt?' lectures, didn't see the full picture. Didn't see that while he was trying to order them around and take charge, he was putting so many lives on the line, and when Tony disobeyed orders it was to save those lives.
And when Rogers went after his BFF Bucky Barnes, the same thing happened. So much for learning from his mistakes. Ordinary human beings trying to live their lives, trying to do their job, trying to follow orders, dead or permanently injured because Cap couldn't see that not everyone was a goddamned supersoldier - what do you think is going to happen when someone is thrown into moving traffic, or has a bridge collapsed on them? That they're just going to stand up and brush themselves off thinking Oh well, what a shame?
And they're getting stronger, I hear them calling.
And that was the whole point of the accords. That superpowered people didn't have free reign to ruin others lives. It was just that now, they could make it official. People finally had a voice to say no, not any longer. But Rogers wouldn't listen, and decided his opinion and his friend mattered more than that 117 countries.
Well, you find your strength in solutions, but I like the tension, and not always knowing the answers.
Which was why, when he and the rogue Avengers were pardoned, and permitted to come back into the US, he put his foot down. Rogers' 'You can't hold grudges, we need to learn to get along as a team again.' didn't work. No. Because while skipping through fields of daisies holding hands might be all fine and friggin dandy for Cap, he overestimated how much the public, how much Tony, wanted them there.
But you're gonna lose it, you're gonna lose it.
He wasn't going to sacrifice lives anymore. He wasn't going to stand by and watch as 'Captain' America took charge. No.
He was going to fight back.
A/N: I hope you enjoyed. Please review if you can, criticism and compliments both appreciated to show me where to improve. Thanks for Reading! xx
