Ash paused his doings. He was absent-mindedly chucking freeze grenades at random birds, hungrily feasting on their wonderful genitals to quench his unsettling feeling of emptiness. His loyal Pikachu was barely tugging at his left leg, which was made of amplified erythrocytes and exploding quasars making hard love to onion galaxies in a Hell where instead of fire there were wicked blades made of adrenaline and angry, blood-drinking vampires with lightning swords for fangs.

"How does ostrich pee pee taste, master?" Pikachu asked cutely.

Ash cursed in Russian. "Like that slut, Enoby Dark'ness Derangia Broken Hey."

Pikachu pretended he ruled the whole world. From that very moment on, all living creatures, small and gargantuan, cute and blocky, nice and unlucky, received his psychokinetic waves and knelt before their master. Writing on the buttskin of a flying Snorlax by putting together Ash's pubic crab corpses, Pikachu made a few rules in a language of autistic dart frogs:

1. If you ate out a girl, never, hear me, NEVER, clean your teeth afterwards. In front of that girl, that is. Do it in front of your mom after letting her see what you did.

2. Everyone is stupid. Some just have older asses than others.

3. If your sister smells of smoke, don't.

4. All air is fake. You should breath xenon instead, then cry your brain matter out in a paper bag, then sell it for 1553 manats.

5. My mom is a canine beast with the most sharpest of screwdrivers for teeth, so you better not look at me.

6. Clouds are not nice and fluffy. They are extremely evil and filled with pure hatred. While you think it is just hundreds of smiling faces, they steal your cookie and all the hole-less socks.

7. Turn your face sharply 359,999999999999999999999 degrees to the left. If it is a degree more or less, I will make you die a death so horrible that you won't die at all, you will just suffer your life until you do, the most horrible agony anyone can inflict.

8. Out of ancient ape ancestors actually came us, Pokemon. Humans say bullspit, since they overpopulated and overthrew us from the throne of world domination and just have a buttache.

9. A weasel amplified by 3 equals a potato. Don't 'argue' with me, I'm saving myself.

10. Swine butts will be used to build my matchless castle with -77² sides. It shall be my domain, so should you bleed your lizard under my window, your prick will fly right off.

11. Say 'fuck yourself' in pig Latin. Is it not funny to watch someone insult themselves? And even say 'yay' after it?

12. This is rule #12. Forgetting or denying it leads to a fuck penalty.

Ash interrupted Pikachu by doing nothing at all. Pikachu's head turned towards Ash as he continued screwing the sleeping fat-mon's ass-cheek with those stinky writing tools. He ejaculated magma lasers from his meaty opticons, slaughtering the shitty fuck out of his mere guts, the noxious viscera spraying in the yellow fellow's mousy face. He shot a round of a vodka laser instead, smelting the teenage trainer's insides into dark ash, then groaned to himself. He poured the powder down his flatulent dickhole, then glued and duct-taped the piss tube shut. He screamed rabidly as he felt the black, heroin-like substance fill him with unfettering rage. His steel-hard chewers exerted, and using all his might he bit on his glans with the force to crush even Aggron testicles. Pikachu gulped down the tip of his orifice. It tasted like the hardest, most brutal and filthiest of dubstep drops.

Pikachu's belly growled like a sex deprived Zoroark. Suddenly, his furry phallus bulged, veins popping out. The duct-tape busted off and he orgasmed so potently, he made the sun turn upside-down, and turned all time into chaos and chaos into hypocrisy!

Bulbasaur appeared and slapped Pikachu. He looked down. It caused him an erection.

Pikachu looked at Bulbasaur's crotch. He had an erection too.

They realized they both were pokemon of Ash. They hugged and cried because Jupiter smells of boogers, and all sausages turned into Mendelevium.

Until! Ash returned from the bathroom, he was just emptying his bladder. He saw everyone, they looked so retarded, it was like they were birthed prematurely by MissingNo.. Ash abruptly screamed into the sky, unleashing Refresh in viscous amounts. All their pitiful mortal minds melted and rearranged themselves, becoming free of their tyrant's dick-smelling grip.

Pikachu was pissed beyond fuck. Withdrawing his shit-covered tongue from Bulbasaur's ant-ridden butthole, he grew wings made of unbending cynicism alone then tracked Ash. He saw them thanking him for saving them. Pikachu roared, then ripped his head off. He farted in his ear, causing the other ear to blast out otherworldly substances that smothered the people into fucking fucks. He put his head back, then ate all the civilian organs, which made him stronger. But his erection didn't return. He trembled in anticipation.

A teenager approached Pikachu. He talked with a voice of a Saturn moon made of sandwiches.

"What do you do when do doo do dooo doo doo do dooo dooooo?" he asked. Pikachu blinked 2,7 times.

"I..." Pikachu droned. Suddenly, his body glowed. It divided into four different clones of him. There appeared Pikacuh, Piachu, pIKACHU and Puke-Achoo. Piachu spoke with a voice of a praying mantis crossed with a Porygon.

"I butt butts, but butts butt butts, so..." Pikacuh interrupted him. He spoke with a voice of a Blaziken fucked by zero.

"I like wallowing in a mess of my own piss-vomit, tasting maggot crap and smelling my trainer's sweatiest, diarrhea and dickblood covered pants."

pIKACHU continued, she spoke in a voice of a dubstep shark. At least, she would, if not Puke-Achoo who dickslapped her shut.

"My name is Puke-Achoo." he said and glared at pIKACHU. She vomited for hours and died. Piachu tried to avenge her, but was bent over so suddenly that he also didn't register how the whole Eiffel Tower was punched through his tight, smooth bosom. Piachu laid, his tear ducts leaking eyepiss but his face emotionless. There were only Puke-Achoo and Pikacuh left, snarling and cursing, just to intimidate. Ash was lying nearby. He smeared dog piss all over his body to combat hairiness.

The ultimate battle begun.

TO BE CONTINUED.