A/N: It's short, it was mainly written for a good laugh between me and Antivertigo – the poor girl had to endure my rambling on the topic over msn -lol, so while you read be sure to give her a round of applause. Also I've read some pretty good "Lassie tells Henry about him and Shawn" fics in the past, and this is merely my short version – so enjoy!
~Matilda Hummingbird
Lassiter's Confession
"Carlton – you've barely touched your lunch." Henry Spencer's voice sounded over the detective's desk, Lassiter didn't hear the other man, and he kept staring at his food. "Carlton?"
Lassiter was lost in his own world; he sat looking at his lunch still feeling very uncomfortable, flashes from the night before still going through his mind.
"Carlton -are you alright?" Henry tried again a little unsure – should he get the chief? "Carlton?"
"I..." Carlton finally spoke, in his head he was calmly telling Henry he was fine, but instead it came out like this – "I humped your son."
Henry stopped and stared. "...What?"
Lassiter went to say something more, but Henry got this dangerous look in his eyes, and for a second Lassiter was sure the elder Spencer was about to rip his head off but instead Henry just shook his head with an exasperated sigh. "Did Shawn talk you into this?"
Now, Henry Spencer had always been a straight forward man, and when it came to his son, he only ever wanted a yes or no answer. However that factoid didn't occur to Lassiter, and he started rambling about what had happened the night before.
"Gus was sick Shawn had said, Shawn practically begged me to come over to help move a dresser, or a desk, or something, but when I get there, there's music, and wine, and little weird cheeses on a plate! Shawn swore it was all casual, but then he suggested I take my coat and tie off so they don't get caught in the dresser, or desk, or something – then he took my coat and threw it somewhere, and he helped me loosen my tie. Then... then I don't know what happened, with the combination of the music – Sinatra if you can believe it, and the wine, and Shawn's hands on my chest...Things got weird...The Sinatra got louder, my thinking got foggier...then...humping.." Lassiter said it in one long breath, and he sat there looking at Henry unsure. All Henry did was grab his briefcase.
"Where are you going?" Lassiter managed to ask.
"I'm going to strangle my son." Henry said casually as he grabbed his coat. "Do me a favour detective, wait about 10 minutes before you call 911." With that Henry was up and gone, leaving a very blank faced Lassiter sitting at his desk in disbelief.
"But...I am 911..."
Henry Confronts Shawn
Henry drove like a mad man to the Psych office where he knew Shawn would be slacking off with Guster. Jumping from his truck, Henry rushed in and didn't pay any mind to what the two were talking about.
"Guster – out."
"Yes sir!" Gus didn't need to be told twice, Henry was using his 'cop' voice, which was always enough to send Gus flying. The door closed behind Gus leaving Shawn and Henry alone, Shawn looking up at his dad with a quirked brow.
"Can I ...help you?"
Henry got right down to it. "Did you talk Carlton into humping you?"
Shawn grinned. "Why yes."
"Be honest Shawn, were you trying to get out of a parking ticket?" Henry's voice was dead serious.
"Um – no." Shawn looked confused.
"...Okay." Henry tried again. "Are you running an escort service?"
"What?" Shawn was shocked. "Dad – no!"
Henry's jaw clenched – his son was doing something illegal, he freaking knew it. "Shawn. " Henry got really stern. "It better not be drug trafficking!"
Shawn blinked. "Wait...Dad...did it ever occur to you that I might GENUINELY like him? ..And just to be clear mister – you're okay with me running an escort service where I pick up cops, but drugs are WAY off the table? What kind of weird crooked cop were you when I was a kid?"
Henry snapped a bit. "Don't change the subject Shawn, you HUMPED a detective!"
"Well sooorrRYYY." Said Shawn. "But its okay if Im making money right dad? But god forbid I break open a bag of blow and do lines off his back!"
Henry stopped short, - maybe he was overreacting? Maybe his son did genuinely like the detective? Suddenly all of Henry's anger turned into pride, he had always been convinced his son was going to run away with some tramp and have no less than 10 bastard children in a trailer.
"You're serious about Carlton?" Henry asked.
"Yeah dad."
"Even though, he's a detective, and I used to be a detective, it doesn't weird you out you're with someone like your dad and not some tramp from the circus?"
"No dad." Shawn laughed a bit. "It doesn't weird me out he's a cop ...and you're jumping the shark here, he's nothing like you...Actually he probably would fit in a circus somewhere...OH! Best idea ever! We could join the circus together, I can do my psychic thing to the audience and he can huff and puff and yell over and over again 'He's not psychic! He's not psychic!' The kids would love it. A saay whaaat?"
"Oh ho ho." Henry challenged in a half grunt. "We'll just see about that – stop with the crazy talk. It's not funny."
"Dad, are we done?" Shawn was now looking uncomfortable.
"Yeah we're done." Henry said, and he turned to leave just as Lassiter came into the office in a run – he must've run the whole way here because he was covered in sweat.
"Sir! Wait!" Lassiter huffed. "Don't kill him! It was partially my fault too!"
"Carlton." Henry greeted, he then patted Lassiter on the shoulder and left. "Hump him all your want."
With those words, Henry left the office, leaving a very stressed out Lassiter to catch his breath and a very confused Shawn to just laugh and laugh at the insanity.
"Wh...what happened?" Lassiter finally asked after a few more seconds of staring in disbelief. Shawn got up and went over to him to give him a kiss – Lassiter kissed back, Sinatra's smooth tunes returning to his mind.
"That was the Spencer welcome wagon." Shawn insisted. "Looks like I'm keeping you."
"I..." The tips of Lassiter's ears went beat red. "...I'm cool with that."
End.
