The Grand Canyon
There are many sayings in the world. Some are pure nonsense. Some are foolish. And some, just like the ones my tribe has, are proven true.
The one I liked since I was a young boy is extraordinary. At first, I didn´t believe it. But now I know how wrong was to think so.
´Every time someone gets their heart broken, the Earth cracks.´
It seemed impossible. But that was wrong.
Well, maybe I should introduce myself. My name is Castiel, Cas for short. My surname doesn´t matter. I´m an archangel. Nothing but this (and my name) matters to you.
It all started a few years ago.
Technically, from your point of view, it was many more years ago. Just don´t mind the small details. Time flows faster up here. Much faster than I´d wish. And that´s the reason why I´m telling you this story. He is dead. And I hope I can ease my pain by telling you this. Maybe if I do so, I won´t be in such ache when I look at the sky. It reminds me of his eyes, the same kind of blue. Blue-blue, he used to say. And I used to laugh.
It was just an ordinary day, saving someone from Hell. Not like I save souls from Hell every day, of course, I don´t. But this one wasn´t anything extraordinary. I meet a lot of souls every day, but none could make me think. None could make my senses tickle. None could make me feel something. Anything.
He seemed like a normal guy. That kind you see in a shop, cock your eyebrows at him and walk away with the image of a stranger in your head. I mean, he really did seem ordinary. Sure, except the whole demon-hunting and people-saving thing, and the fact He decided to save this mere human being. But then I got to know him better and better, ever so slowly falling in love with him. He was perfect to me. He brought up the human side of me, only he could heat up my heart (and my feet as well).
He was the perfect person. The most perfect creature I´ve ever laid my eyes on. If I could., I´d hold him in the tightest embrace for the rest of my life... But I can´t.
I loved him. And I still do. I can´t imagine the day when I stop loving him, but I know the day with eventually come. For now, I still love him. Even though his soul is nowhere to be found, I can´t give up on loving him.
You know, we know all sorts of things. For example, we know the names of our soulmates. And I spent my whole life looking for someone named Dean, I´ve talked to countless Deans of many genders, looks, ages, characters.
And when I found the right one, I knew it was him. I knew. But he broke me, he broke me beyond
repair.
I can´t tell what I love the most about him.
I don´t love him for the way he looked at me.
I don´t love him for the way he softly whispered to me until I fell asleep.
I don´t love him for the way his thumb softly stroke the back of my hand.
I don´t love him for millions of other reasons.
Because I love him for all of that. I love him for every little thing about him. I love him for the way he is. I love him for everything he does, for everything he says, for everything he is.
But maybe the love blinded me. Maybe I didn´t see the fact he didn´t love me equally. But that... that is fine. It´s alright. I understand. After all, who could ever love me?
I thought it was real. I believed it was. I guess we all have a little faith in us, and I put all of the mines into believing he loved me. I thought he really did. But I suppose you don´t have to be your soulmate´s soulmate, after all. Dean showed me the colors, but I let him stay blind.
The tender kisses showed fake. The love didn´t turn out permanent, instead, it turned to be a summer romance. Nothing more than a crush. I didn´t matter to him. Not at all.
That day I spent walking through the empty streets, allowing the raindrops wash away my tears. I still hoped he would come back, that he just had to think about it, to enjoy some Cas-free time. But then I saw them. And it broke me.
He was holding her hand, both laughing as they stepped inside a bar. Needless to say, they were both so happy and beautiful. Glowing. How could I think that Dean, of all the creatures in the universe, would love me? I was just Castiel. An unimportant inhabitant of a clerk´s body. And he... he was everything I never was. My everything. Everything worth living for. When I lost him, my life was without any sense. Numb and the same.
The pain in my chest was unbearable. It felt like someone was shoving a knife into my heart, ripping it into halves.
And then I felt it. I would swear the earth was shaking, and I fell on the ground, my face wet from both the rain and sadness, shaking, shivering, numb.
Suddenly I felt my human body being left soulless. I was lying on the pavement in my true form, my naked being wrapped in the wings of mine. I was trembling. My senses worked better than ever, and I was aware of everything. The soft, rainy smell was stronger. The breeze was a breeze no more, rather a strong wind. The green color of the grass hurt my eyes. And what was much, much worse I felt what I did.
I could feel the old saying proven true. The moment my heart broke, the Great Canyon was created.
And now, when you know my story, I can finally go to sleep. I can finally see Dean, and I hope the afterlife is going to be a better place for us. It has to be.
